I am a 44 year-old male living in London.
My name is David but when I say it over the phone,
people mishear it as Mavis. So instead, I use my
middle name, Paul.
HERE I AM AGAIN FOLKS (Made it)
[January 2004 update]
Well firstly I would like to thank Dr Cadaverous,
Dr Newman, Dr Bloor,Martin,Eric & Laurie who
between them have kept me sane. (Well almost)
Firstly, Happy New Year to you ALL
Well, I have always been honest and people have
emailed me from as far as Australia to thank me
for doing my story. Only this week, I read on
the RODC Message board from a lady about her guy
my age with tongue cancer and the fear that it
has gone to his jaw; I really feel for them.
HOW
WAS 2003 FOR ME?
I would without hesitation say 2003 was the
worst year of my life. Had several biopsies
this year and the waiting period, believe
you m, is no fun. Usually 10 days or so in
a haze is the only way I can explain it, wanting
the day to come for results but terrified
as well. It’s the waiting and the unknown
that is mental torture. Has it come back?
Have I to have another operation? Do I want
to go through it again? Yes, even my operation
was easier to cope with. |
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 [Photo:
My best friend, Fresca] |
It has got to the point where I dare not mention
to my mates or friends that I am going to Hospital
AGAIN as they must think my days are numbered.
Yes, slowly the number visiting me has dwindled
down to one loyal friend Laurie. They just cannot
cope and don’t know what to say to me although
I NEVER bring up the subject.
MY TEETH
All bad now from the radiotherapy and my consultant
is reluctant to take them all out in case I get
an infection in the jaw bone. Had an abscess removed
a week ago. It was a nightmare. I see a needle
and my whole body starts shaking, it is so embarrassing.
I feel fine but my body reacts. I hope someone
can understand that.
COPING
Very badly I am afraid and my body reacts also
with panic. I take one day at a time and learn
to live with it rather than fight against it or
ignore it. I feel old and ugly and so may as well
go the whole hog. But I am so tired all the time.
Going out is a nightmare as I chew all the time
(like some lout with gum ) and when people look
at me as on the underground where I cannot move,
I get worse and start to panic inside.
HOLIDAYS
Went back to Skiathos recently. It was so
nice and peaceful but could not have managed
with a car.
I think this will be my last holiday now for
a long time as it is so stressful when I go
out to eat a night and know people are watching
me eat with my teaspoon!
[Photo
opposite: Skiathos 2003] |
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FINALLY ON A LIGHTER NOTE
I went to pay my council tax and the Jamaican
lady (they shout) asked me to confirm I lived
at 95b. I said, “yes” and she asked,
“HAVE YOU A SORE THROAT, YOU LOOK TIRED!”
I said, “no, mouth and neck cancer.”
She NEVER said another word to me and gave me
receipt. As I headed for the door, she SHOUTED
at me “MAY GOD BE WITH YOU!!!” I dared
not look around at the other people waiting. When
I got outside I had a good laugh about it with
my friend.
Another thing: Why don’t the MaxFax
departments give us loyalty cards with DIY sewing
kits for a prize!! LOL ;-)
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