A regular visitor turned up at the welfare office one day ,as he had done for several years, and said I feel guilty about drawing benefit when I am young and fit I want a real job,hard and demanding.
The chap behind the desk said a wealthy old gentleman wants a chauffeur/companion for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.You will be provided with a house and two servants and a salary of £200,000 per year plus expenses.You will be expected to drive her around in a Porsche and accompany her on worldwide holidays where you will satisfy her every need,and I mean every need!
the scrounger said "you'r kidding"
the clerc said"you started it"
Keep Smiling
John

The Test

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?" The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples."

Vinod, I'm shocked!!
But laughing!!
Thanks John for your thoughts. More jokes please!!