Hello Ishbel, I am doing very well thank you for asking. How have you been doing? I tell you there is never a dull momment with this, is there? I started speech theraphy finally. WOW!! Have I got a lot to do! It is amazing what you can and cannot do anymore. This has been the hardest for me, this time around. I am little by little getting there. It will be a very long and painful job for me tho. I will keep on working on this tho because I want to talk again, at least to say my name and HELP. I don't want to be a prisoner in my own body. No way!! That I cannot accept. And I will not accept. Please let me hear from you---the truth--on how you are doing?? Okay?? Always Vicki

Hello Vicki---Well, I hpe you are not finding the speech therapy too tiring. But all the time, slowly, slowly, you will get it together and the end result will be such a release for you when you can tell your grandchildren to keep their noise down pulease!
I am feeling a bit depressedwith constantly having to spit up the mucus and never ever going to enjoy the food I love again. I couldn't even manage an oyster down the other day. But that is justb self-pity and I so apologise for it when I know what you are going through with such fortitude.
This site is so great, you know, because although our situations are al different we can compleyely ubnderstand the other. It is a place where we can let off steam without being thought self-indulgent.
My only other medical forum is a rspiratory one run by the American Jewish Medical Foundation who have a very comprehensive website. But not as homey as this, somehow, if you know what I mean.
I am a bit apprensive because oneof my children is insistent on taking me up to Scotland (where I come from) next month on a caravan holiday with his wife and two children. He has even organised me my own caravan on the site, bless him, so that I can have my dog, and do my morning hacking and stuff without interruption!
I don't know. To be really honest I don't feel well enough. They are going to be traipsing round all the old battlefields where the Scots beat the English (or vice versa) and sailing down Loch Ness looking for the monster in the fog.
But I won't say anything to him. He works so hard making beautiful fireplaces and has been working doubly hard for this holiday. So if you don't hear from me again after the end of October you will know that Nessie has claimed another victim!
By the way, one of my grandchildren was conceived in Las Vegas on his honeymoon Must have eben the excitement of winning $5 on the machines!
Regards as always. Ishbel

Oh Ishbel, That sounds like a fun time, but I do so understand the fact, you don't feel like it. They just don't understand that there is no strengh left. It went away somehow and at sometime and we didn't even know it. Just that one day we went to get up and couldn't. LOL. That is over board there but you know what I mean. It is so very nice of them to do this for you tho. I know I didn't think I could take my reunion back home either. I had all but scared myself to not going at all. I went and had a wonderful time. I am so happy that I did. Yes I was wore out, but I would have been worn out at home. So try to think of it that way. If you tire, stop. Sit down and rest, that is what I did. The speech is going """GREAT""". About time something started to look up. It is the swallowing that is holding everything up. But I am trying to be patience with all this, but after 7 months one begins to lose that patience. That word does not look like I spelled it right? Humm? Oh well, as for the food. Please don't even get me started. I have not had a thing by mouth in almost a year. I miss food so so bad for I love to cook. I still do cook, tho I cannot eat it. I love and enjoy the smell. I pray that one day I can get off this feeding tube. I swear i cannot get rid of the infection on the skin around the hole. I get rid of it one day and it is back the next. It is from the stomach fluids that seep out of the sides. I really do not care for the tube, but it isnt really that bad. I want to talk. If I could just talk and get the trache out, I would give up the food. I really would. I don't think this trache will ever come out. I cannot get the flem up and out the mouth. And until I can do this, it is staying in. Because I could choke to death on the flem and we don't want that. I agree with you also about this site. We all need a place to go to vent. To let those things out that we cannot or will not say to family members. I know I need to vent. If not I would lose it. I cannot afford to lose it, I have to try to stay on top of things. I have to try to get better, I know I will never be """ME""" again. But I want the best that I can be. Some on here think we complain too much, or bring others down. I say don't read it if it does this to you. Hey I """USED""" to be so positive all the time. After dealing with this disease for over 15 years, I think I have the right to be upset or angry. I hope you go on this holiday with your kids. I pray you have a wonderful time too. I want to hear all about it, Okay. It is always great to talk with you, your friend,,,Vicki

Another Olympic gold that girl. I will hold on to that wise thought of yours. I would have been tired at home anyway on my own, so why not be tired in company and have some tea made for me at the same time!
You must send me your address to my e-mail (only if you feel like it) which is
rosaliemacrae@aol.com

Then I will send you a postcard from Bonnie Scotland when I get there.

Amazing that you are getting on so well with the speech/. It's about time things started going more your way. The thing is, the way medical science is progressing all the time I feel quite sure that in a couple of years you will be able to get rid of that tube. I sometimes feel that5 I would like one when I cope with all the morning and evening mucus.
I have never moved so fast as last night when an old friend called unexpectedly and I remembered I had left my spittoon in the bathroom. I was up these stairs before she could even think 'bowels'!
It taught me a lesson.
I agree with you about those who worry about what they read here. There are plenty of cancer soft option chatrooms around on yahoo but I have found them totally uninteresting on the whole.
Must dash. At least having Sally dog MAKES me go out. But no balmy air and [palm trees outside my front door. Stiff autumn breezes and a spumey sea. Bit like my lungs!
Regards Ishbel

Oh Ishbel, would you really send me a postcard from SCOTLAND. I would so love that...I would love a spoon. I will pay for it. They are the little collectors spoons. I have so many of them from places people that I know have gone. I must talk to Paul also to have him send me one from London. Oh I am so excited. I will send you my address...If you would be so kind...I bet you did move fast last night, LOL. Teach you a lesson huh? I shouldn't laugh but it was funny..So I am so happy to hear that you are going!! YEAH for you. It is so nice to know that someone cares so much for you to do such a nice and thoughtful thing. Let me hear from you, okay? Always,,,Vicki Lynn

Hush Vicki. Let's have no more about paying. We Scots are not as tight as they say! It will be a present from me to you. But i9f you want a really antique one, then obviousoly I'll let you know.
Night night Ishbel

Ishbel, Oh no I don't want a expensive one, none of the ones I have are. You can usually pick one up for a couple of dollars. I just want a little spoon. The ones I am talking about are only about 2 inches tall. Very liitle...The go on a spoon rack that I have, well I have three of them.LOL. I have been collecting these for years...Thanks for all the talks...Always Vicki Lynn

A spoonful of dollars (location: Nevada desert) staring Vicky Lynn?

Dr Joshi I think someone is putting foreign substances in that mug of yours, eh?They know where you live......I****l

LOL DR. Joshi,, That was too funny,,I needed a laugh...Vicki Lynn

Right Dr.Joshi. For a man of your intellectual calibre you deserve this one.
(Hint. Probably only Rosemary and Liz will understand this one..)

A man goes into a good Edinburgh bakers-patisserie and pointing at one of the delectables on display asks the assistant'Is that a cheesecake or a meringue?'
The assistant says 'You're right sir. It's a cheesecake!'


Get it?

Ishbel

Ishbel��Aufie�.. aufie�. funny�. l.o.l.

Dr. Joshi�.. Better no let your moose loose aboot the hoose then��.

Cheers

Rosemary

Well I go to California on Monday. I Pray that I get this trache out this time. I mean I am so tired of this thing, yet I have become so dependant on it. There is a part of me that is so afraid. I don't know why, I can breathe on my own. I always have but the throat was so swollen they were afraid that I would not be able to cough up the flem. I don't know if I am doing that or not for I can't with the trache in. It is really a catch 22. If they do take it out I will spend the night in the hospital. Just to make sure that I have no probelms with it. It is a 5 hour drive so the doc doesn't want anything to happen while we are on the road. If the trache does come out, we are going to go to UNIVERSAL STUDIOS where most movies are made. This is a BIRTHDAY gift from my honey, RIC. We are also going to the WAX MUSEUM. This place is so so awsume. The figures look alive. There is Elvis, Marilyn Monroe, John Wayne. I can't wait to go. Sure wish my buddie that was planning to be her with us could have made it. It won't be the same without him....But maybe next time...You guys say a prayer for us to have a safe trip. ALways, Vicki Lynn

Hi Vicki, you can be sure there will be plenty of prayers being said for you that everything goes well, not only for the trip there and back but that you get rid of that trachie and start singing from the rooftops! Universal Studios won't know what's hit them once Vicki Lynn makes her debut - I can see a new block-buster on the way! I'm sending oodles of good wishes for your meeting with the docs (will light a candle at Mass for you) Can't wait to hear from you on your return. Enjoy the time spent with your darling hubby.

For a long time I thought your """LOL""" meant lots of love - then the penny dropped that it really means """laugh out loud"""!!! But LOL anyway (the former one!)javascript:void(0)
Wink

Well thank you Brenda, I have learned not to get my hopes up for this darn trache, but one day, one visit, he will have to take this thing out. LOL!!!!! I am about ready to do it myself. I take it out all the time as it is.....How are you doing? Did you have the surgery to remove some of the flap yet? My doc is talking about doing that to, it seems I have some EXTRA hanging down the throat, hence why the trache is still in....I would love for them to trim it and get the trache out. Let me hear from you,,,always Vicki Lynn