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Hello-I'm glad i found this site. I do not have mouth cancer but my father-in-law does....hence I need (and family) support and information. I am also a registered Nurse. My Dad in law has had the lump on his tongue for about a year(i was shocked). To be brief I had to get him to the Drs pretty swiftly...Dr was upfront and told him straight away what it was.my Dad inlaw already knew anyway! It occurred when his partner died and he just did nothing>>>>I am aware that some people just ignore these things in the hope that it will go away. to me it looks extensive and he has lumps in the neck. We had a quick appt from hosp and go next week to discuss options. What can be done for him now? He has already said -no op- he is 71 (no age) smokes (Roll ups) and enjoys a pint or two in the evening. We have tried to persuade him to give up and after his by-pass a few years ago he did.Since his partner died he has neglected himself but he denies this. We are as a family very upset-we are all fond of him-he has grand-children......what can his prognosis be? I have nursed patients following surgery for oral cancer so do know what may lie ahead for him but just wonder if this cancer is too advanced for surgery,,,,thanks for reading and love to all that are having treatment and fighting back
Good afternoon Ebony,
From your experience you know a fair bit about this business, and you will realise that it is not a pleasant thing to have to face, but you will also know that it is survivable.
The lumps in the neck are not unusual it is an early port of call when rogue cells go walk about, if you click on my name in this posting it will open a box, click on "public profile" and it gives details of my cancer experience.you will see that I had all the lymph nodes removed from the right side of my neck, this is a fairly normal procedure.
Regarding prognosis, I am afraid you will have to wait for the expert's opinion next week.
You might mention to your father in law that an old chap up in West Yorkshire had this sort of problem when he was a few weeks short of his 68th. birthday and is now enjoying life to the full....as far as a nearly 72year old can be expected to. No one likes the idea of surgery but it is not as bad as it may sound.I would not give him all the details ,leave that to the professionals they will know how much he needs to know and, more important , how much he can cope with.
I must be off now Ebony, I have a train to catch to London,I am attending a conference at Westminster tomorrow: the subject is"surviving cancer and cancer treatment" and many of the delegates are survivors so this survival thing is not at all unusual.Keep us posted on how things go.
JohnThis message has been edited. Last edited by: John Spencer,
There is not much that people can say to encourage someone who is getting on in years to try and fight the curse BUT try and enourage you father-in-laws Grandchildren to try and talk to him about the things he will miss when the kids get older( I don't know the age of the children), I have a new grandson and I love him to bits and can't wait to be able to take him shopping for BOY'S things and to be able to spin him yarns about the holle in my stomach (PEG tube hole, looks like a bullet wound) and watch him grow up to be a man (I am 64 this year). As for giving up the fags I have never smoked and don't see any sense in the dreaded things BUT can appreciate the difficulty of a long term smoker trying to give up. So try to get him of them but don't pressure him, let him see what he will miss out on with the children.
Welcome to the "C" Club and keep in touch.
I can imagine your Dad in Law's mindset, losing his partner is not the end of the world to the rest of his family but may be to him. After my Dad lost Mum very suddenly he tried to get on with his life, but was never the same again. He was a local councillor and extremely active, but he lost interest. He refused to come to live with either me or my sister and although he could look after himself, he didn't bother. A year and a half later he died of heart failure following a burst ulcer.
With respect to treatment ultimately you must respect your Dad in Law's express wishes, if he says no surgery by all means be positive and encouraging, selling the bright side but if after all that he still says no, his decison should be accepted and more respected. He will know the consequences but his life quality will in the interim be for him better.
My wife is recovering from radiotherapy, she has base of tongue cancer and secondaries in her neck> She for other medical reasons was not given the option of surgery but ever since my larygectomee 12 years ago Maggie has made it clear she would not opt for surgery if she was unlucky. The decision was therefore taken from her yet the will to survive is strong and seeing others who have had surgery and are reasonably happy and when now the equation is no longer hypothetical I can sense a change of mood and this type of situation may influence your Dad in Law.
Being a nurse and knowing what can be done and being aware of the possibility of survival for 5 or more years you will be motivated to try to change your Dad in Law's mind, but what is your Hubbie's views and the rest of the family. Ill health and love can result in very devisive situations developing in a family circle and folk can lose sight of what is at the heart of the matter which is of course the welfare and wants of the patient.
Coax and encourage but do not argue or cajole, listen to the experts for you are in a fortunate position to translate and provide informed advice at to your Dad in Law at his level.
Above all keep a sense for your Dad in Law's dignity whatever he decides provided he decides on the basis of reasoned consideration do not make his decision a point of issue within the family, at the end of the day no one but your Dad in Law can make that choice, do not make it more difficult than it needs to be.
God bless you for caring and I pray Gods Grace on you and the family at this time of crisis. Alan
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