Hi

My mum was diagnosed with cancer of the tongue yesterday. She has two ulcers on the left underside of her tongue. This has been discovered after nearly two years of pain and discomfort, knowing something wasn't right but not complaining loud enough.
Tomorrow she will start her appointments and meet "The Team". They tell us that it will take a couple of weeks to establish everything and the best way forward.
My mum is seventy two, has never smoked or drank alcohol.
I have just been reading some stories and postings on this website and whilst I am touched by the understanding and compassion, I am scared; Scared for my mum and what may be ahead.

hi Dave

its perfectly natural to be scared. Your mum's story sounds quite similar to mine in that it took a couple of years of ulcers before i was diagnosed. Its a worrying time for you all but you willfind some comfort here and just ask away about anything that you are unsure about. there is always someone who has been through something similar. if its any help its a year today that my treatment ended, and im doing ok!
keep in touch!

Hi, Dave

I was diagnosed back in November 08. I had surgery for my tongue and radiation. I have now been back to work since mid April and was told I am free of Cancer back at the beginning of May.

Hello Dave
I'm so sorry to hear of your Mum's diagnosis.
When reading your post I'm sure everyone on the forum will recall the moment they heard their own or their loved ones' diagnosis and remember the fear and disbelief that went with it.
The preparation time frame you have been given sounds spot on and although it's all too new and raw at this point, you will all soon be swept up in the day to day process of dealing with surgery (if required) and then associated treatments.
As bianconeri says, you will always find answers on here from people who have first hand experience with your situation so be sure to ask away with your questions, rant and/or rave when you are angry or hurting or if you simply need to say stuff that you can't share with others (no matter how close you may be) because they just don't 'get' what you and your family are going through.
Good luck Dave. My best wishes to you and yours.
Cheers from Down Under
Deborah

Hiya Dave
My mum was 77 when diagnosed and I was mightily scared, I can tell you.
She's still here, alive and kicking.
If there's anything I can help with, please ask.

Wow, thank you for your quick responses and words of comfort and when I say comfort I mean it. I felt relief just by reading your responses.
Mum went to hospital today and was told to come back on Monday and will be admitted as an in patient rather than an out patient. An old and very dear friend who is a doctor aid that this is good cause in-patients get test results quicker than out patients!
So its two days since the diagnosis and now im becoming more and more emotional. Speaking with her this evening on the phone it sems that her voice / speech has deteriorated. Perhaps she is tired or I am becoming paranoid or it actually is getting worse?
This website is fantastic! Frightening but fantastic. I have mentioned it to two of my brothers that it exists but to think about it before entering, some people dont like too much information. For me, I need to understand so THANK YOU!!

Hi Dave,

Glad your mum is going in to hospital on Monday as an in-patient, it will be much better for her.

Which hospital is your mum going into?
I was in St Luke's, Dublin for two months last year and the staff were all wonderful.

Wishing your mum all the best of luck.

Ken

That's beaut news, Dave. As tough as it gets, I think that once things start happening, at least you have something to deal with whereas until there is some action, you sort of feel as though you're floundering and everything is surreal.
Best wishes to your Mum and you hang in there.
Onwards and upwards
Deborah

Thanks Deborah, today has been a better day and I am trying not to dwell on the negative! Looking forward to a nice weekend and chilling out with my mam before she gets admitted on Monday.

Kenny , she is going to St James's. I believe they deal with the surgical side of things and then if and when required Lukes is for radiation?
Thanks for the best wishes.

So here's my update.......

Mum met with the surgeon on Monday last and he agreed not to carry out the surgery after our concern that Mum would not be able to speak afterwards. She has existing health problems and paralysis to the right hand side of her body. On tuesday we met with the radiologist who decided because of Mums poor health he could not carry out the radiation.
We then conceded that she must have the surgery. She underwent surgery yesterday and had over 50% of her tongue removed and a nasal flap attached. She also had a neck disection, we understand that there was a psoitive node which needed to be removed. She is now in ICU and on a ventilator but awake and alert. Communication is tough, the surgery is nasty and my poor mum looks awful. I hope to god that she will be strong enough to get through the next few days and that GOD will give her a break!!!

Hi Dave,

Glad your mum has got through the surgery and she is alert. Communication will be difficult but you will manage, it's amazing how we can adapt. Wishing her a speedy recovery.

Ken

HI there Dave
No doubt it's a tough time to see our loved ones having to go through this surgery and all it entails but take hope from the many people on this board who have been there and done that.
Take it day at a time and try not to be overwhelmed by the what if's.
Good luck and best wishes to you and your Mum
Cheers
Deborah

Hi Dave

I don't have much to add to the wise and helpful words of the others on here.

My Father in Law underwent surgery having 50% of his tongue removed and a radical neck dissection and although it looks awful to begin with they do recover quite quickly.

My FIL was in hospital for 4 weeks and by the time he came out his swelling was almost gone and he looked much like he always did.

I will remember your mother in my prayers.

X

Sorry to hear of your mothers challenges. I've been where your mother is, I've not been where you are, having to "watch" the whole thing. (That was my wife's job....she watched as I went through it). Be as aware as you can the impact your reaction may have with your mom. Be as supportive as you can without being fearful when you are with her. She will pick up on your fear (concern) and may begin being fearful herself. I mention this because as I was a patient, my wife displayed the strongest demeanor I had ever witnessed in her in 32 years of marriage as we went through the various surgeries. Her display of strength, HELPED ME be stronger. As the patient I was able to focus on getting better while my wife did not show anything that would distract from my recovery. (I have since learned of her private fears, but never knew of them at the time)

Please know that I wish the best for your mum and you, wishing for you an endurance and strength that comes only from God.

Fondly,

Bob

Dear Dave,

You may have read some of my posts on here, but I and my family are going through the same situation as yourself and mum. My mum is 77yrs old and just had the same operation removal of more than half of her tongue, neck dissection and removal of lymph glands and a sliver of her jaw.

I echo what Bob says, we have tried not to show out fear and concern to our mum mainly because it would frighten her and hinder her progress. I think we have done well for her, as her support network, as she is doing really well, a few minor hiccups along the way but coming on really well.

It will be a long journey especially with the eating and talking. We understand most of her words but if she is tired her tongue doesnt get around the words, or if she tries to rush to tell us a tale, which is quite often, as she has to tell us everything in such a short time during visiting hours.

Just be there, for your mum, as Im sure you will be, as from your posts, you sound very concerned and a loving son. Your mum sounds as if she has good support in you and your family, as my own mother has.

Take one day at a time.
Shirley