In the past few days, this website has really helped me. Your courageous stories have given me a great deal of solace. I have a lesion on the underside of my tongue--I have had it for 9 months. I have a history of heavy smoking. The OTO Dr. is performing a biopsy tomorrow of the lesion and two other sites in my mouth which show dysplasia. I pray to God that it isn't cancer. But, it will be good to have knowledge instead of conjecture. I hope that the biopsy (Thursday) will be read by Friday so I don't have to wait through the weekend. I feel better now that I have articulated what's going on to people who understand my feelings.

Hi Jacob,
My name is Ananth and I have realised one thing dont even worry unless it has happened. By fretting and worrying about tomorrow - go have a great day. Enjoy every moment and make each one special. There is no reason as to get worried as to what will be the outcome as the outcome will be what its going to be (predestined). If you try and follow this mantra - you will be a happier man and will also be one who has lived a great life.
Take care,
Ananth

Ananth,
You are right, the time I spend worrying is time lost. It's now after midnight here on the West Coast. Time to turn in. I put on an "I'm not worried" facade to friends and family, and it is tiresome. Whew, I'm tired. Thanks for your help.

The biopsy didn't happen. I now have a full-blown yeast infection in my mouth. My doc wants the infection gone before doing the biopsy. He prescribed an anti-fungal, and a followup in two weeks for the biopsy.

Hi Jacob,
I know the suspense is mind boggling and even in my case - it took ages but I just carried on as though nothing had happened - smoking 20 cigarettes a day till the resuts finally came in and it was confimed.

The two week or more wait is really sickining as this is what makes you start thinking about things that might not be there. So, my friend - carry on the facade as though - let anyone rule the world, but leaves your space alone.Dont waste this time ( as I said before ) fretting and worrying - have a time of your life - something to remember whatever the results.

It would be great if you kept in touch and let us know your news. As the song goes - you got a friend.
Take care
Ananth

Arnanth thank you so much for your support. I have had a good day, being in the moment as much as possible. I am a playwright and I have a project I must finish. So that is good. As luck would have it, I picked up Krishna Das new recording "The Flow of Grace" -- I am a huge fan of Krishna Das, and I practice the gayatri mantra. You are so lucky to live in India -- I think my spirit is there.

Dear Jacob,
Wow - you are really into India. Krishna Das and all that and to top it off the Gayantri Mantra. Do you know the Gayatri Mantra and how many times it has to be repeated duing each session of meditation?
To be very honest, I was a great believe in the same and would take time off to go the Ashram, dedicated to the Godess Gayatri and have been times when I have sat out in the open in winter in freezing rain chanting. It did not help very much and so I opted out and left my life to take the course it wanted to. I have this person (very close to me who we call a "tantrik") and he now does all the prayers on my behalf even though I have asked him to stop. He is one the good tantriks who looks after people against the evil ( well thats what I believe). His predictions are totally amazing and though I have never been a great believer in people who predict or read cards regarding ones future - his predictions are a bit too close for comfort ( he almost ruined my married life when he told my wife that I was having an affair with a girl whose name began with a 'J'- and that was pre cancer. Boy!! did I get the stick after that!!... and dont ask me if it was true or not!).
I think you should have been born in India as I have never been to comfortable here and I am only here because of my mum who refuses to leave India and come settle down with me ( my wife and kids too) in Spain. I speak a bit of hindi but get all my verbs, pronouns etc. wrong and it lands up by becoming a big joke for the people around. The worst is when I am asked to sign in Hindi - I just cannot and neither can my wife or sons.
Jacob - do keep in touch as I am really interested in your work as a playwriter. Do you make a fusion of Indian stories and others - thin over it. I come out with funny ideas so you will have to excuse me if you found that funny. And... keep in touch regarding the biopsy. For now have the time of your life.
Love,
Ananth - the IMMORTAL!!!!!!