Hello not sure if i'm posting on the correct part quite a bit on my mind at the moment. My partner Stuart was diagnosed in April with squamous cell carcinoma of left tonsil, and base of tongue which had spread to all the lymph nodes in the neck, since then life has been quite hard he started with chemo with the hope of shrinking the lumps in the neck which didn't work so they stopped that treatment half way through to give him a neck dissection (1 of 3 operations)to remove all the lumps, however the primary site is non operable so he is now having six and a half weeks of radio which he is really struggling with has been incredibly sick from the start has now been admitted to hospital as not eating or drinking anything.
The thing I find the hardest is that he sleeps 24 hours a day he just will not wake up!!! I take our 2 little girls into hospital and they just cannot understand why he doesn't open his eyes!!
Feel like it's just too much to cope with at the moment. Would be good to hear from anyone
Angelique
xx

Hello Angelique,
Welcome to the family, the family no one wants to be have to be part of!
I can imagine you're finding it all too much being a mum and supporting your partner and dealing with your own concerns. But you've come to the right place as we've all had our share in this cruel disease.
Sleep is good for him right now - my existance for 3 months was sleeping and vommiting. So while i was sleeping i got some peace from the pain and sick!
I hope your family and fiends are taking care of you as well as their concern for your partner.
We're all here if you need to vent or if you need advice and questions answered.
All the best to you,
Michelle

Hi Angelique

Michelle has hit the nail squarely on the head. When you go through all that your body is just crying out for sleep. I too was inoperable and underwent aggressive chemo and radiotherapy which really wasn't my idea of a good time.

You have brought to mind the question I used to ask myself a lot. Was I better off being on my own through all of the treatment I had, or would it be better to have the support of a family? I just had my mum and dad who I used to bark at to stop stressing and fussing. I feel that it is so much worse for the families as they can only look on and worry...BUT DON'T! We get the best of treatment in our respective hospitals and the care of the best staff the care system can offer. I feel desperately sorry for your two little girls who just don't understand what daddy is going through. I am so glad I wasn't in that situation.

Just keep us all up to date on here and we will try our damnest to help you through all of this minor blip.

Some people call it cancer, I just see it as another of lifes little experiences!

Take care of yourself and the girls, Stuart is in the best of care.


Ray



PS Is Stuart in the BHOC by any chance?

Stu is being treated at Cheltenham hospital and hopefully coming home this afternoon after a weeks stay just waiting on his medication for his pump driver. Will then continue the next 3 weeks of radio travelling in and out.
Thanks for the support so far
Angelique

Good luck with everything. We know what he is going through and are here to offer our support if you need it.

Ray

Hello to any-one who can help me!! It is now 3 months since my partner Stuart finished Radio and had a clear MRI of head & neck area only a month ago however since then has gone rapidly down hill.
He has had lumps apearing on the ribs & back and is in such agony that I recently rushed him to A&E at another hospital who done an emergency CT scan.
Which showed up metastases, he is now unable to get out of bed or take any peg feeds and we have been awaiting for his oncologist to contact us for the last couple of days.
I am at my wits end and have no idea how serious any of this is hope some-one can help xxxx

Good Afternoon Angelique,
I am not a health professional, just an old chap who has been through the mill, so I can't answer your question about how serious this is.I am ,however saddened by the state that Stuart finds himself in and incensed that no one seems to be on hand to help,the two of you need help;now not next week or whenever. There are a few things you should try,ring your GP and tell him that Stuart is in pain to such an extent that he can not take sustenance and you need a home visit today. When Stuart was diagnosed there was almost certainly a MacMillan nurse in attendance, ring her and ask for help,Call the oncology clinic and tell them that Stuart needs to be seen now.Don't sit it out on your own,Angelique, there are people out there to help you.
Please let us know how you get on.
Keep Smiling
John

I agree with John. Make sure you contact everyone involved in Stuarts case and make yourself heard. You need all the support you can get and you should never be afraid to ask for help. All the best. Hagg.

ring macmillan!!!!!

hi angelique
i am so sorry to hear that stu is really suffering and so are you,there's
not a lot i can add to what others have said but i just want you to know that i am thinking of you stu and your family,what a worrying time,as cookey said make use of the macmillan nurses i found their help invaluable.take care keep strong love shirl xxx

Thanks so much for all your messages, Stu had the doctor come to see him today who will chase up the Oncologist.
I will keep you all posted xx

We had Stu's hospital visit on Tues and have now been told that the cancer is secondary in the lungs, liver and on the chest so there is nothing that can be done. He was then referred to palitive care who took him straight in to the hospice. He is in alot of pain and very breathless and today I was told that his prognosis is about 6 months, I just can't believe that 7 months ago he was a fit healthy 35 year old dad of my two little girls and that cancer can really be this agressive!!!! To say the least I am shocked and just cannot accept this, he underwent ops, radio and chemo all for nothing!!!!A little to upset to write anymore at the moment xxxx

Hello Angelique
How sad I feel for you. I cannot imagine how shattered you must be feeling and at a loss. Words fail me. Try not to see Stu's surgery and treatment as a 'loss'. It sounds as though his cancer is like a wildfire and maybe you wouldn't have had these past seven months without the treatments. Be sure to make the most of the time left so that your memories are good ones.
Those words probably sound empty and I'm sorry if they do. My heart goes out to you especially as it is you who will also have to shoulder your little girls' grief. Please be sure to have a good, loving support group around you and don't try to do everything yourself. Take this time for yourself and Stu.
Beleive me, you are in my thoughts more than you can know.
Love from Australia
Deborah

Hi Angelique

There is nothing I can say that Deborah hasn't already said. The only thing I can add is that you all are in my thoughts and I only hope that you can get through this with the strength that Stu would want.

If you feel like baring your soul or need some solace, you know where we are.

Good luck doesn't begin to encompass the good wishes I want to send you, but I really don't know how else to put it.

Take Care.

Ray

Hi Angelique, I cant say more than has been said already. So sorry to read your post. Hagg.