I am rather numb at the moment, due to alcohol. I discovered today that my brother, age 32 today, has throat cancer. When calling the hospital from a distance, fishing for more details before i go tomorrow, it appears he also has secondary cancers too, and has left it rather late before diagnosis. It is his birthday today. He has had a hard life, for reasons i don't want to go into right now.

I guess i am on here, for the first time ever, for a connection. I feel selfish, and as if I am prostituting my brother's story. I love him, although his times have been hard... which have made them hard for our small family.

We are shell-shocked. He is so young, and I am his only sibling... less than 1.5 years older.

I am not sure how we will cope with this. It is not right for my parents to bury a child.

I know there is nothing I can do. I feel as if I know the worst will happen, even though I know some may seek to offer rays of hope that medicine has progressed etc etc. I know what our outcome will be within the next 2 years max.

Does anyone have a perspective?

Steady as she goes
People talking
New people
We’ll be walking
In the high street
Christmas coming
Shops are calling

Car is cruising
Not so fast
Others bruising
From their blast
Round the corner
We’re not seen
Then they hit us
Where’s our screen?

I see you in there
Face like a football
And I love you
It scares us all
Dad is clinging
To his life
So are you
But we think you’ll be alright

Then you mend
Then it’s all alright
For a time
Then we realise
Things are not right

Your life has changed
And ours with yours
It will never be the same
But we think it’s all arranged
To be OK

Then ten years on
It all comes unstuck
The things we hoped for
Run out of luck
Now you’re going
I’m terrified
Not for me
I wish you’d had a real life

My baby brother, I love you
I’m scared, I’d give anything for you.

Hello Xian

I am so sorry to hear about your brother. It is only when you feel deeply about someone that it hurts so much. Especially when you feel helpless. But in reality, you are not. You have the power to make these days, months and years you may have with your brother happy ones. Be there for him, make him smile and smile with him. Life is unpredictable for all of us (cancer or no cancer) and all we can do is to do the best we can, and that is always enough. Be brave, smile for your brother and yourself. And write him a lovely poem, like you did here. We are always here to listen to you.

Best wishes
Vinod

Nobody feels for you like all of us here as we've all had experience of what your going thro' one way or another.
Your poem was very moving.
Feel free to talk frankly here and ask questions as I have found everyone so supportive over the last year I don't know what I would have done without this means of communication.
Kindest regards
Sue

Hey, don't see all doom and gloom, it will be a rough trip, but with the right care, he will pull though; I have and many who come here have, you have to stay helpful and very positive for your brother, he will need a strong person, to give him courage. Garance

HI XIAN, I have read your posting with interest and the poem was just wonderful.
It was a very welocmed change for me to see how Cancer affect the Family and the way you indeed care and love you Brother.
I have never been in the situation for my family to care for me and like a few on here have had to depend on EACH OTHER and make it a place we can share good and bad times and to know theres people going through the same dilemas as you.
I had the most wonderful experience meeting Vickie Lynne and her wonderful husband earlier in the year and I was treated no frills just as part of the family and it made me feel so good as I had never felt so loved and wanted for the two weeks I was there, Most importanntly I was there as a part of their family and it made me feel so good to be treated normal which seem alot to ask of most people around me , I am sure most on here will understand that.
Well I await your next posting and I am so glad that you CAN find it in you t chat to us on here

Paul