Hi all my name is Maurice and was informed yesterday 24th April 2004 That I have cancer in my neck. they tell me it's a secondary and don't know where primary is. I live alone so this is very scary. hope you don't mind me writing this email as it gives me chance to let things out that I won't do to my family.
Well to day is my fist day after the bombshell news yesterday. I did not sleep very well last night, finding it hard to cope at the moment. I seem to have lost my appetite and can�t be bothered to keep the place tidy, which is unlike me. Stayed in bed till 10:30 as couldn�t see why not to. It�s funny yesterday I was a relatively normal bloke looking foreword to thing in life new job in the offing, then after the news today I feel useless with no purpose. Still getting the shakes finding it hard to type.

Hi Maurice, and congratulations on having the courage to admit your fears.

I doubt if anybody on the site will give you the usual guff about staying brave, facing reality etc. etc.

You've just been hit with a sledgehammer, and living alone makes it even more difficult not only to accept what's happened but also to cope with matters.

We're all scared when first given the news and we all find different ways of trying to cope. You'll read everything from some of us having a prolonged moan to others trying to make light of things.

Dare I offer a suggestion? As soon as you feel up to it talk to your family and friends. You'll probably be surprised by some reactions and horrified by others but it's something that has to be done sooner or later.

I'm sure you'll get much more supportive messages than this from other people who post to this site, but please keep us advised of your progress.

Maurice, What can I say!
It is one of the most devestating news to come to terms with.
I was told at 41 yo at the best time of my life.
I to have (in remission) mouth & neck Cancer.
May I suggest you read my story(DB'S) as it sounds like you are in the same position as me.
You can email me any time if you want to talk and if on ASOL can instant message me.
Be strong take a day ant a time or hourd by hour.
They did not discover my Cancer until it had spread from my mouth to my neck.
Please keepip comming back to the RDOC we will help you all we can.
There ias alot of guys on here willing to help.

Paul

Hi all I have decided to write a diary to anyone that will read as I don't have a partner and life alone I would like you to be my substitute shoulder to cry, moan and laugh on. I will try and post updates every day.

THIS IS MY STORY ABOUT MY CANCER STRUGGLE
MAURICE McGAFFIN

I have today the 23rd April 2004 been told I have a tumour in my neck. Last November 2003 I went to my GP with a large swelling on the right-hand side under my jaw. The GP said I had mumps and said they would go on their own but also gave me antibiotics in case it got infected. The swelling went down the next day but still left a small lump. This lump had not gone by Christmas so I again went to see him. I was once again given antibiotics with no effect. I asked to be referred to a consultant and was sent to see a general consultant at Airedale Hospital. This consultant thought that the lump was just the remains of my mumps but sent me for an ultrasonic scan. On my next visit he said it looked like a lymph node and to leave it for 6 weeks and if it was still there he would remove it. Two weeks later this lump had grown larger to a state where it was readily visible to anyone it was also painful so I phoned the consultants secretary who rearranged my appointment. When I arrived for my appointment the consultant said he was not sure what the lump was so referred me to an ear nose and throat consultant. I duly got my appointment for the week later. The consultant said he did not think it was cancer, as this would not swell then go down. He did a FNA, which I did not find too painful. He also put a camera up my nose and looked down my throat. He said these both looked ok but would send me for a CT scan on my neck. I went for the CT scan this week the 20th April 2004. I got a phone call on Wed that I needed to contact a different consultant a Bradford Royal Infirmary on Thurs. This set alarm bells ringing did not sleep Weds night. Thursday arrived and I phoned the consultants secretary who said I needed further investigation and made me an appointment to see the consultant at 12:00 Fri 23rd April. So today I went the consultant sat me down and informed me I had a malignant tumour in my neck from there on it alls goes a blur, as you probably know. However, I managed to just about hold myself together. He did another FNA arranged for me to go into hospital on the 5th May for an overnight stay when he says he will remove the right half of my tonsils and various other bits from my throat. It was then that I found out that the lump in my neck is the secondary site and they don�t know where the primary is. I now also have to have a full body scan to see if they can locate it. I arrived home in a state of shock and started to write this log, which I hope, will end in my overcoming this thing that has invaded my body.
I had a shower before going out with my brother-in-law but couldn�t seem to get myself clean as this thing in my neck is an alien and makes me feel dirty. Keep getting the shakes

24th April 2004
Well to day is my fist day after the bombshell news yesterday. I did not sleep very well last night, finding it hard to cope at the moment. I seem to have lost my appetite and can�t be bothered to keep the place tidy, which is unlike me. Stayed in bed till 10:30 as couldn�t see why not to. It�s funny yesterday I was a relatively normal bloke looking foreword to things in life new job in the offing, then after the news today I feel useless with no purpose. Still getting the shakes finding it hard to type. Still can�t seem to get my self clean.

25th April 2004
Went to my Dads yesterday and told him about my cancer he said he had reared it all along. (Dad had cancer in his kidney years ago, had his kidney removed and is still here to tell the tale, even tough he smokes like a chimney and drinks like a fish). I then went to visit my oldest sister; (I have two sisters and one brother). After I left there I went to my brothers and he took me out to an Italian restaurant for tea. I was not really in the mood for food but as he said it�s probably the shock and I should try and keep eating. After the meal I went back to his house and we drank some wine. He let me pour all my worries out on him, listened and tried to understand. During my rambling I told him that the prognosis was 50/50, I then realised I did not no what this meant did it mean 50/50 on surviving the surgery or 50/50 chance of a cure, could I survive the surgery still not be cured but live for years but keep having to have more treatment? I must find out the answers to these questions. I stayed there last night, which helped, as it�s hard to cope living on your own.
Got up this morning at my brothers my neck seems sore is this my mind playing tricks? We went to Sainsbury�s for breakfast, was not really hungry but thought I had better eat.
Today my ex wife is bringing my youngest son Samuel who is 15 years old and I am going to tell him this is going to be hard but I feel he should know. I have two elder children Anthony who is 32 and Lynette who is 31. Lynette was at the hospital with me when I got the news and I told Anthony and his partner the same night.

Hello Maurice,

Welcome to our family.

Sorry to hear you have secondary cancer, anytime you want to ask any of how we cope with cancer or how we tell our family just ask! My son is 5 and he only knows I've been poorly.

I found the best way to cope with cancer is to be selective who I tell & till you get a date for your op. live life as normal & don't let cancer get the better of you!

Make a point of loking for the Macmillan nurse in hospital or ask your doctor to put you in touch of them.

Feel free to ask any of us questions, the best thing is we're all in this together & we have the good doctor on the site too!

Best wishes

Alan

Hello Maurice

quote:

---

I arrived home in a state of shock and started to write this log, which I hope, will end in my overcoming this thing that has invaded my body. I had a shower before going out with my brother-in-law but couldn�t seem to get myself clean as this thing in my neck is an alien and makes me feel dirty. Keep getting the shakes

---

It is aways a shock to hear bad news. The shock lessens slowly. It helps to have family and friends to lean on and talk to. Many of your friends on this board have been down the road you are on. They will help support you where they can. As Paul says, """take a day at a time""". Relaxation and meditation helps still the anxiety felt.

Please don't feel invaded or dirty. Your cancer is not the """ALIEN""" of the film. It is your own cells gone wayward, most times they are brought back in line by the body's protective mechanism. This time they have gone delinquent - even wayward children can cause great harm! Hopefully, your treatment will bring your cancer under control.

Best wishes
Vinod :coffee:

Got up at 05:15hrs as couldn�t sleep any longer so am writing this. I have for about 4 weeks had pains in my left side just above my hip which starts in my back an travel round to the front. This pain is a dull ache and bearing in mind that they don�t know where my primary cancer is this scars me. Starting last night and more so this morning this ache has now spread to my right hand side. Can anyone enlighten me on his.
Spent time on the Mouthcancerawareness.org.uk message board and found it very helpful as they were able to quell my fears about the 50/50 issue. It seems this means 50/50 chance of survival after 5 years.

Morning Maurice, can't say I'm surprised that you're having problems sleeping. You must, surely, still be in shock.

Interested to read about about the pains you're experiencing. It sounds very much like what I'm currently feeling. Differences are that main started right hand side and stayed that side and occasionally the pain's quite sharp.

It actually feels as I would imagine a broken rib to feel!

Like you I've had it about 4 weeks but went to my GP last week who sent me for X-ray. Should have results this week. So, let's wait and see.

Hi, Sorry to hear about your pains Pikeman & Maurice.
I have constant pain in my right shoulder and arm as if its dead sometimes and my hand clams up and will not move until I force it.
I went for my first Physo last week and waiting to go back this week after she has had a chance to talk to my GP & Consultant.
I have a shower in my bath and the bath is very deep, when I stand to shower I become weak all of a sudden and my right arm gives way another bruise on my arm where I fell out of the bath again this am.
I had a woman here to tell me what I am ENTITLED TO
HE HE I got a letter they are comming to assess me for a shower cubicle in 20 WEEKS time
:banghead:
If I am not here going to leave them a note to tell them what colour to paint the bathroom for the next buyer
I will not get it anyway I know

Paul

Hi Paul and Pikeman is there pos a good side to this cancer lark can we get lots of goodies from the NHS HA HA HA!?
Maurice

what goodies Maurice have they cheated me out of something

Paul

Well Paul if you ccan get a shower maybe I can get a maid
HA HA!
Maurice

Goodies from the NHS !!

Come on Maurice - if you need and/or radio-chemtherapy you'll get them fine.

Anything else - in your dreams

oh Pikeman I can have my dreams caan't I?
Maurice

Hi Paul thanks for the info on photo. Nice to be able to see who your talking to makes it less remote. As you can see from my photo I have not got a lot to lose in the looks deparment anyhow
Maurice