Hi!
My name is Diana..I finished my r.t. Jan. 30 of this year. I had cancer of the tongue which had spread to lymph nodes in my neck. One doctor did the surgery on my tongue, removing about 1/3 of it and I have a different doc for my oncologist. I had 33 radiation treatments. I had my feeding tube removed about 1 month ago due to a staph infection, but am still unable to eat much so am losing weight too quickly. The problem I'm experiencing now is depression. Is this normal? I'm normally a very positive, happy person and I loathe this yukky feeling that I just can't seem to shake. I try to set goals for each day to make sure I don't just sit around feeling sorry for myself....I have, after all, been given another chance! I have been somewhat reluctant to ask my doctor for an antidepressant. Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do to overcome? I sure appreciate any help anyone can offer and thank you for hearing me out.

hi diana
so glad that you found this site as they are a very supportive bunch of folks on here i have found,any questions then someone has bound to have gone through the same thing at some stage and can advise you,especially our good dr,v.yes depression is very common i had this and i am usually a very laid back lass so it was a bit of a shock.all i wanted to do was go to bed and shut the world out.is this how you feel?when you think what you have been through its hardly surprising is it?thats what my husband used to say to me.i went on anti depressants for a few months and they did help i must admit.although its a year since my treatment ended i am only just starting to get some normality back in my life.whats your g.p like?is he a caring one like mine is?i would go and have a chat with him or speak to your oncologist.i expect you are very sore from the radiotheraphy at this stage.things do get better but i warn you its a very slow process.love shirl xxx

Hello Diana

Depression is often a side effect of cancer and its treatment. You may find the following previous posts helpful:

• Cancer and Depression
• Not getting any better....
• depression
• search results for "depression"

I am sure you will get the right advice from our members soon.

Best wishes
Vinod (in sunny Perth, Australia)

Hi Diana. I think most patients on the forum have suffered from depression at some point, I definately did. There are so many drugs to treat it now that I'm sure your Dr will find something suitable if you need it, and you dont have to take them forever. Never be afraid to ask.
Dont beat yourself up about feeling sorry for youself, you'd have to be superhuman to go through this and stay positive. It is a "second chance" in many ways but you pay a big cost both mentally and physically to have it, especially in the early days. Hagg.

Hi Diana, Welcome, I just want to say I have been waiting for someone who has had what my husband Andy is going through. Congratulations for completing 33 radiations! We can't wait for that. My husband had 3 cancerous lymph nodes out of 153 they removed. 1/3 of his tongue removed. His arm looks great, they didn't skin graft it. He has finished 7 treatments and one chemo so far. 2 more chemo's to go. He does break down once a week, it pretty bad. I let him cry and then say that's enough, be strong We can do this. We often think of Lance Armstrong. He hates the yukky feeling, the only thing that makes it okay is percocets. He was worried to take one but the Doctor said 1 a day is fine. He just feels a little settled when he has one. I think you should be thrilled, think about what you have gone through and take a deep breath and say I'm strong. Spring is here! Is it hard to swallow? Andy says everything tastes horrible, even water. Is that the same for you? Take care Diana.

Jilly

quote:

Originally posted by Diana J:
Hi!
My name is Diana..I finished my r.t. Jan. 30 of this year. I had cancer of the tongue which had spread to lymph nodes in my neck. One doctor did the surgery on my tongue, removing about 1/3 of it and I have a different doc for my oncologist. I had 33 radiation treatments. I had my feeding tube removed about 1 month ago due to a staph infection, but am still unable to eat much so am losing weight too quickly. The problem I'm experiencing now is depression. Is this normal? I'm normally a very positive, happy person and I loathe this yukky feeling that I just can't seem to shake. I try to set goals for each day to make sure I don't just sit around feeling sorry for myself....I have, after all, been given another chance! I have been somewhat reluctant to ask my doctor for an antidepressant. Has anyone else gone through this and what did you do to overcome? I sure appreciate any help anyone can offer and thank you for hearing me out.

Hello there Diana and welcome to our exclusive club. Strangely, My husband suffered from depression after he had his last scan and was given the all clear. In my opinion, the reason for this was that he thought that by the time he was told that his cancer had gone he would be back to his old self. With H & N cancers, of course this is not the case, He still suffers from tiredness and all that goes with post radiation.

Another thing that I think is a factor, after his he finished r/t, he was told he would feel better in about 4 weeks, which, from being on this forum I knew would not happen. After the first checkup, 6 weeks was added and so on and only recently was told it takes at least a full year after completion of treatment. Although he realises that he is never going to be exactly the same again, I hope he won't be disappointed once more.

You need to be positive and focused to get you through this.

Hi Diana,
I try to keep away from opening my trap as much as possible as my outlook towards life is extremely different. I know life will never be the same for me - but then there is nothing I can do about it. Depression is a state of the mind and once you realise you cannot reverse the clock you start living. You say you are a happy and a positive person - so why do you fret so much - just think of what you have come out off - not many people can even imagine the trauma. Now is that a reason to go into depression? I have been on peg feed ( all liquid through the stomach and nothing - not even water through the mouth) for the past eight years and though am having a few problems with my health of late - though I do try and get over them - I live not just for today but for tomorrow as well. Life is what you want to make it. Every/each day if you are depressed you are loosing that much of your time that could be well spent in living a full life. There must be so many things you may have wanted to do but could not - this is the time to realise some of them and see the change.

I for one do not really like to talk about the medical part of things as it scares people and I see no reason to scare a person when there is nothing to be scared. All I can add once again is that you have now joined an elite team who have beaten odds and just by doing that you qualify to be the happy person of the moment. Also remember no two bodies are alike - so what has happened to you need not happen to you. Thats life.

As far as loosing weight is concerned - its a matter of time before you pick up again. If there is anything I can do to get you out of your depression - if you still have one after/if you read this post - you always have a shoulder here and think its big enough to lean upon - though I have lost weight too. Though I know it sounds corny "just be happy and dont worry".

Take care and lots of love, xxx (which I give to all the lovely women) and special warm
hugs - which i am known for.

Hello once again to all the wonderful folks who answered my plea for help! Why is it that though I know in my heart of hearts all will be well that it helped me so very much to hear your encouraging words! Thank you. I'm very new to this form of communication which is why I am unable to answer each letter as I would like to....individually. Perhaps someone will share with me the technique to answer...the only way I could find was the "reply" at the bottom of the page, which is what I'm using. Though outdoors is cold and snowy here in Colorado today, my outlook is sunny and much improved. I'm very grateful to have come upon this site. Jilly, I, too, have problems with my taste....I'm still on liquids. Most of the time the taste is extremely salty (even the water) and other times there is just no taste. My mouth and tongue still burn enough that I can't really eat much. I know this will improve, too. Ananth, thank you for helping me put my thoughts back into the proper perspective. Each of you helped me feel much better about where I am and where I'm going. Thank you again!! Diana J

Hi Diana,

Congrats on finishing your treatment! Let's hope the worst is over.

Anything I have to say is probably a mish-mash of Psych 101 and Dr. Phil, but it comes from the heart. I was taught that situational depression is most often caused by an external event: loss of a loved one, chronic illness, a difficult relationship, financial problems, or any unwelcome change in our normal life patterns. (Chronic depression is something else - you and I and most others are normally happy and positive people, but situations can trigger our depression.)

As Dr. J said in an earlier post, depression is often a side effect of cancer and its treatment. This is very common and shouldn't be trivialized - saying "Get over it," ain't gonna' help. You've gone through a life altering experience and as such are expected to have emotional reactions; if you didn't, you'd probably be a sociopath. As with grief, this takes time to work through. To me, it's as if I'm grieving the loss of the person I was, and must now adjust to my 'new normal,' whatever that may be, and that very thought is at least mildly depressing if I'm to be honest with myself. Grieving that loss doesn't mean that the new me is somehow inferior, only different, and I may find new joy wherever I take myself. Does that make sense?

This isn't the Holocaust or the Killing Fields or other horrors; it's just me, a cancer patient and sometimes scared woman trying my best to come to terms with what has been handed me and with determination, will go on to new and sometimes better things. I look at it as a process with a beginning, middle and an end. I've just begun! This will not be a long agonizing process - there's no sense waddling around without a purpose, dwelling on what can't be changed.

As with the other side effects, medication is available and should be taken. There's no stigma in this. Who on earth would you be 'toughing it out' for? I took an anti-depressant after breast cancer and cannot begin to tell you the difference it made. It took away only the sharp edges of the problem, not the problem itself. It was a subtle change - one day I woke up and breakfast, not cancer, was the first thing on my mind. Cancer did not monopolize the rest of my life and I found myself taking the same enjoyment I had pre-cancer in friends, family, movies, books, music, etc. I knew when to quit the med - I think it was about 3 months after I started taking it. There is a weaning period afterwards that your doc or the med instructions will inform you about.

When I had breast cancer I belonged to another wonderful message board, much like this one. There was a thread about depression post-cancer and how we sometimes smile and say everything's all right when deep down it isn't. We say we're 'cured' and everyone breathes a sigh of relief and forgets that we're still going through the after effects.

I got a kick out of a post written by a Texas woman - I visualize her with big hair and boots, bless her little Baptist heart. I saved it to giggle at later - but there's truth in her words!

"Oh honey, this is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, the same as war veterans have. Dr. Love talks about it in her book. When all the fuss is over, you stop holding your breath and smiling till your teeth dry out, all the hullabaloo is over and BANG! Down you go like a pole-axed steer. This is so common, we need to publish a pamphlet.

Treatment is over, everyone says bye, your family says, good for you! BUT, you are still in a very dark hole, but now you feel alone. The squirrels run around the room at nite."

Well Diana, my breast cancer squirrels are long gone; now I've got to meet the new guys. Ask for an anti-depressant, see if your hospital or the area you live in has a support group and join it, come back to this board, work through your grief and emerge a whole person once again. It can be done.

Wishing you the best.

Mimi

PS - to send a private message, click on the user's name that you want to send the message to. You can always find it at the top left of a post the user has written. Click on the first option View Diana J's (example) Public Profile.

Click on Private Messaging from the options shown on the left side of the screen.

That's it!

Hi
I just wanted to say don't worry about feeling depressed. Why shouldn't you for goodness sake -I think if like me you get cancer you kind of have a right to be a bit depressed. It's normal and it's okay, and you don't need medication just give yourself the permission, say to yourself - yeah, I can feel depressed about this if I want to. Don't feel guilty about it is the main thing. So long as you know it WILL pass and is just a phase. I read a great book by a Dr Paul Pearsall who suffered from serous cancer and he jokes about it being his god given right to be depressed and no damn doctors are going to take that away from him. I read it in hospital when I was all tubed up and out of it on morphine and I laughed for the first time in ages.
Hope this helps - if not, well at least you know there's others out here feeling the same. It's inevitable - it's reasonable - it's normal - it passes.
Tony

Hi Tony,
Thank you for the cheering words. And you're right...once we overcome the "feeling guilty" it makes it much easier to deal with. I'm going to see if I can find the book. Diana

Hi Diana
It's clled The Pleasure Principle - but too be honest anything by Pearsall is a joy to read I think!

All the best

Tony

Hi Diana,
It's a bloody hard slog isn't it? Good days and bad.
I am not afraid to admit that after my first two operations I really was down and could not shake it off. I went to my doc and we decided the best way to go was a very small dose of anti-d's. Ironic that it's said anti-d's can help but the cure is to find the cause and deal with it! ha ha, those of us here who have had depression know the cause!!!!
In my case I stayed on the medication for four months and then the dosage was gradualy reduced to nil.
I'm good now, well still have an occasional down day but who doesn't?. If you are finding hard, don't suffer, see your doc.
It really is not a weakness or something you should be afraid to ask for help with. You have been through a massive trauma both physically and mentally. For me that little added boost really did help me get over the hurdle.
If you are unsure about adding even more chemicals to your system, have you thought about herbal remidies. Some of those can help too but you would need to check that they don't react to any other medication you might be taking.
I know I always seem to be blathering on about it recently since I went back to college but I've recently been doing some research into aromatherapy massage tailored towards cancer patients. The results on that are very good, it's the combination of relaxation/mood enhancing oils that seen to be benificial. Again you'd need to check with your doc to see if it's OK for you to have treatment but it might be worth considering.
As for the weight loss, huh! it's a lot flaming harder to get it back on than it is to loose it!! I don't know if you are aware of it but the loss can actually worsen depression! it's because of missing vitimans and minerals in the diet. (again) part of my study this year is diet and nutrition. I did find out in treatment of anorexia, zinc is given as a supplement to enhance appitite. I know we are not anorexics but with the severe weight loss some of us have we suffer from some of the physical conditions. I've been taking a suplement for four weeks now (I checked first to make sure it was OK) and think it is starting to help, certainley I've found now that I'm starting to want to try to eat orally rather than making myself.
As we all know, waht works for one might not work for the other, just as what we have experienced is not always carbon copy.
Do what feels right and works for you Diana and I hope you feel better each new day.
SusieR x