Dear Jamsheer,
First of all - I have made no mistake in spelling your name the way I did. The name could be translated into hindi as one solid tiger and thought it would be appropriate.

I have given up on a normal lifestyle and accepted life with the alternate life style where I will be on peg feed for as long as I live. I am really keen on seeing what the rig is as you say its like the peg but different. Anyhow , thats later.

So India has got a firm grip on the match and the series. Trust me there will be so much happening tomorrow with fire crackers and all it will be impossible to work. I feel that India should have delared a few overs earlier as 450 runs would be a difficult to chase as 500 is. I also have no understood as to why Rahul decided not to asked the British to to carry on - as there was no way he could have lost the match. It would either have been draw os a win by an innings. Well - we will see tomorrow as the mysteries unreveal them selves.

Coming to the Xylocaine - do you use it as directed or have just bought it and kept it aside? If thats the case, I request you to please use it before your meals or for that matter even drinking water. Seee the world of difference. However, dont get carried away and eat something crisp as that may lead to complications as it did in my case. Would here request you to read my story on the Main page - "Ananths story".

Trust me though I have a Spanish passport am very much Indian. There is no way a doctor / a specialist would be availbe to me on call. I think in this way Indian doctors are more humane and les greedy - what do you feel. I have this dirt habit of saying whats on my mind!! I recall a visit to Australia( Hi Deborah ) where during a storm one of th window panes broke and I was told is it has to be repaired on that very day it would cost me to the value of an nuclear bomb ( it was saturday ) - but if I waited till monday it would would cost me just about 1/3rd the cost quoted. This is one thing I DO NOT hate about India.
Wow! Trev seems to have turned over a new leaf and you mus be more then relieved just as he much he must be just to have finished the with the treatment and the effects are no coming into play. These are temporary and he will slowly but steadliy get back to his normal self.
Michelle - my bell how I miss our flirting sessions. I have no idea as to why all you ladies dropped me like a ton of bricks but I was very Hurt!!! ) Write to me too and avail a free answer in excahnge. I have stopped giving out messages ever since I became a celebrity!!! !!!

Lots and lots of love to all of you and you "Sheer" keep your head high and take whatever is thrown at you. Thats one thing you can do accept anything thrown at you and more if there is. After rockbottom there is no other place.

Deborah take good care of my friend Trev and Michelle do keep us in good humor, as you are main attraction of the party which would be so dull with you. Dave and Sue - how could I have missed both of you? You both are honstly and when I say it its honstly the warmest couple on this site and so much in love with each other.
Ananth

hi james
haven't got much to say as i am fairly new here too,i just wanted to wish you well.i too have cancer at the base of my tongue,i couldn't have the peg but have a tube going through my nose into my stomach instead.the mucus is such a nuiscence especially at night time.try all the different mouth washes thats been suggested to you.good luck with your on going treatment.best wishes shirl xxx

Hi everyone.Thanks for all your nessages, they mean a lot. The doctor gave me an injection of Robinul last night. This dries out the mucous and boy does it work. Leaves you with a fearsome dry mouth but none of the constant gagging, retching and bringing stuff up.
Shirl. Nice to hear from you. How far are you along with your treatment. Hopefully we can be of help to one another. Keep strong.

Ananth. The cricket is just about to start and I fully expect England to make e record score and win the match. Should be a great days play whatever happens.

Chelle. I hope you are well. What exactly is involved when the rig comes out? I'm swallowing pretty well already but haven't yet had the courage to actually drink anything. I'm hoping they can get me into Martletts today. I really need a couple of days being sorted out on all fronts, symptom control, medication,sleep and everything else, but bed places are like gold dust.

Deborah. Nice to hear from you. Thanks for your encouragement. The whole medical system in the UK is really in meltdown after years and years of under-funding. My regards and best wishes to Trevor.

To everone else who has been kind enough to make contact-my gratitude.

Hi James (which name do you prefer?),
Wow, that was one lot of subjects that you had to reply to!!! As far as I am concerned India will have to be content with a draw in the last match as even as I am watching it - the British are braving it out to make it do.
Let me also say hi to Shirl and though its sounds terrible - welcome to the club.
Take care,
Ananth

Hi Chelle
No more funky wigs for Tricky Trev, he'll just have to make do with the flashy white one! I tried to make a second one but dropped a stitch, lost my cool and dumped the lot in the bin!
TT got a bit of an earful from the nurse at r/t today. He told her he was holding out for when he 'really needed the pain medication'! No medals for heroes around here, she said ~ there is no need to suffer. He was just the same after his neck dissection. Instead of keeping it at bay, keeping a lid on it, he'd hold out and take the medication when the pain got really bad. BAD IDEA, Trevor! Anyway, he'll take it now that someone else has told him.
He's a bit anxious tonight ~ third chemo tomorrow. It's such a long day as well as the trauma of the whole thing (as you all know). He's sleeping like a baby now which is good.
Hey Ananth
Speaking of the cost of services etc. There was an item on telly a couple of weeks ago about the cost of plumbers ~ up to $1,500 ~ $2,000 a day!!!! One of our boys is a plumber ~ I hope he never does that to anyone. I don't know how that could be justified.
I think you might be one of those fellas who gets all wrapt up in the cricket and then when there's a break, decide you want to do some flirting and expect the girls to be waiting! That's a bit naughty ~ I think you'll have to give the cricket away and then you can flirt all the time!
Have a great day everyone
Cheers from the land Down Under
Deborah

Hey guys!

Ananth,
No one dropped you hun! I think you just got caught up with all that cricket stuff at the other end of the board & forgot about you hareim up here!

James,
I saw a guy that had the same cancer as me today. He was also treated at the same place as us. He did his chemo - and they 'forgot' to arrange his R/T. The chemo's pointess without it. So 5 months later he had to do more chemo & start the R/T. Atrocious!
I hope you get your bed today. Glad the m,ucous has eased up a little. I use A.S. Orthana spray for the dry mouth - it's not flavoured like some i've tryed.
When they remove the RIG it's a quick procedure. They literaly just snip the wire thats on the outside bit & pull it out. It didn't really hurt, but it felt uncomfortable. & it bled for about 30 seconds. The tube goes in about 10-12" & was black from where the stomach ha tryed to digest it. GROSS! The doctor with the brown teeth did it at the cancer Centre.

Deborah,
Good luck for the next chemo battle & give Trev a hug from me!

Take care guys!
Michelle x

Hi Chelle
The whole County Hospital is riddled with incompetency mixed with a few superb and highly professional people. A lovely lady consultant from Martlets visited today and after a long consultation agreed to take me in on Thursday for 2 weeks. The place is truly exellent and the places are highly sought after, so I've been very lucky. They'll do a full MOT and aim to get me swallowing again before I leave. I dont know what the internet facilities are like so ther's a chance I wont be able to post. Still you know where I am so wish me well. Best wishes to you all. Love James.

Aww Michelle,
Love all you girls for having given me the freedom to concentrate on the cricket - which of course, to me was super as India trashed England and Vaughn was/is no longer vain. Now I got my harem back - mmmm!!! Thats life I guess - you win some and loose some - though in our cases we loose a little more often without really realising it. I, for example, do not know if I have gained anything or lost. I had always thought that being alive for my sons would give them a great sense of security only to be told by my wife with who they have heart to heart talks that they avoid me as they cannot see me in this state, They always remember me as the guy in a Merc., travelling around the world, loving life to its fullest and of which they were very much participating. I have taken this in my stride as each one has his own way to express one ones feelings and if their way is this so bit it. I will not under any circustances ask them to change their feelings and the same applies for my life to who I said to stop praying for my long life as that itself was a death sentence and had been prolonged enough. She should pray for this life to get over and let me get out of all this pain both physically and mentally.
You know Michelle (I have a feeling I am in for a few brick bats on this bit and especially from Alan!), I used to have a temple in my room which housed Gods of every religion there is and I used to wear a cross and a om around my neck and a pearl ring as decided by some crazy astrologer. I would take all this very seriously, pray and meditate everyday, till about six to eight months ago I decided that all this was not worth the effort. If there was a superior being show me what he can do and if he cannot why should I bow to him. We say everything has been done with a reason - tell me the reason to suffer for the last seven years.
With a firm descion,I took the temple and gave it away to some other sucker who believes that miracles do happen. I removed all crosses, oms and rings as it was very clear in my mind as to where I stood. I had rock bottom and nothing in this world could have hurt me more in terms of pain and the times in ICU etc. You may say this is a stance away from what I normally preach but then all of us feel for the other person and what we say to them is done from ones sympathy and love. I hate this life and nothing can ever change that. I may not show my emotions and I will never give up my own life (as it becomes a police case). Emotions because I have always been taught right from the time when I was very very young that men never show their emotion or cry and the teacher was none other then my father. I have never ever let my sons or anyone else- except my wife and mother my tears and that too for a short period after which I was back to my normal self deciding on the girls I have listed to flirt with!!.
One can see the pain on the boys face as much as on my wife's and mum's but there is nothing they can do but just to pray that I finish off this Godamned life and go into the next dimesion. They will all be doing me a great favor as the biggest punishment I feel now is to remain alive. Every morning I wake up hoping it will be my last and go to sleep hoping I will never wake up - but death seems to have an aversion towards me!!
Well Michelle, I really wanted to wanted to vent my feelings and think I have done so. I apologise to all who I am have hurt and hope they will undesrstand me. I do not know how many will agree with my feelings and its something I would love to read about.
Lots of love,
Ananth

Ananth,
You know, it's us woman who are meant to have these mood swings and the such - we can blame it on our hormones!
You're only human, & you're entitled to feel fear anger and dismay at your circumstances. People may think you should be greatful you're still here. But if you're just 'existing' rather than 'living' what is there to be greatful for?
You know, your words of encouragment and hope and support mean alot to people. & it may be selfish that we want to keep you around to help guide us through our battles - but i'm sure you must feel some satisfaction that you can help so many people. I'm sad to hear your sons find it awkward around you. I think that's wrong of them. You're still the man in the merc on the inside - and you always will be.
You know for a fact that tomorrow is another day, and you out look and feelings may be different then. So take this bad patch for what it is & remember you wont always feel so down.
As for the faith/religion topic...
Religion & beliefs are a very personal thing - and everyone has the right to believe in whatever they choose - free will and all that. I don't think being an atheist or agnostic means you've lost your way! I think it means you see life for what it is now - no ideals, no rose tinted glasses (not those that have a religion do, not trying to offend here). I don't feel 'His' 'It's' 'Their' presence. I DO believe we have a soul, but whathappens to it when our body expires, i don't know. All i'm sure of is i don't want to find out any time soon thankyou very much!
Ananth, thankyou for sharing how you feel, i'm here any time you want to let out some of those pent up emotions.
Now... Pull your socks up! You know you'll feel better soon

James,
FANTASTIC news about the hospice bed! I'm over the moon for you. Let us know how you're doing when you get the chance.

All the best guys...
Michelle x

Hi everyone
I've been in the Martlets Hospice for a few days now. The place is truly superb and I wish each of you could have 2 or 3 weeks in her to get straight. I've a beautiful en suite room with TV, video and computer set up looking out on to lovely gardens. They have 15 chefs and a very nice lady comes round before lunch to offer brandy, sherry or wine! I have a few problems getting over infections and sleep problems but they have already got me swallowing again and on to a puree diet. Any advice on what works and what doesn't would be greatly appreciated. Hope you are making improvments in your recovery. Love and regards. James.

So pleased your luck seems to have changed! sounds a lovely place - enjoy!

Angie

Awww James thats great news!
I think so many of us would have benefitted from that kind of care. I'm so pleased you're doing better!
As for food, my advice would be avoid acid foods like fruit etc. Runny Ready brek with manuka honey & custard were my staple diet for weeks! There's a whole forum section for food advice and tips here.
Keep us posted. I'm so relieved for you!
Michelle

Hi again.
I was finally discharged from the Martletts Hospice last week. They did a wonderful job of getting me back on my feet and I thank them all for their care. Today was the dreaded first assessmant, and after a painful endoscope up the nose at last some good news. The tumour has gone! Everything is completely normal and they were all delighted. The feeding rig came out and I have to go back in 2 months. I am still weak and fatigued but my main concern is that I still have a severe sore throat. Did anyone else still have throat problems 7 weeks after RT? I guess the moral is always hang in there, things will get better. My best wishes and thanks to everone for the support and advice. I hope you are all improving. Love and regards.

Hi James,
What better news could you give us? I think its fantastic and let it remain so. Hopefully your trauma is over and your sore throat will return to normal with the passing of time.
Michelle - I have a feeling age is catching up and hence think more about cricket then women.I can give up women but cricket never!... thanks for being a sweetheart.
Deborah: Its great - the Aussies are getting hammered in the 20's world cup by Zimbabwe in South Africa ( Boy !! their cheer leaders make me with I was there!!). How is Trev? Please do keep us updated. I know thats a bit silly to say but at times we tend to become lazy and then tomorrow never comes. So, my dear girl - keep us informed from now!
I went for a check up as I was having a massive ache on the right side of my face, including my right ear. The doctor wants do do a bioscopy and I have decided to leave it and carry on. I dont want to be bed ridden at all and had promised myself the last time that I would never ever enter a hospital again but I had to on the insistance of my wife and kids. But no more - I am not going to get blackmailed into it.I know you all will think I am nuts but then if there is nothing wrong its great and if there is its going to take its toll - so why worry. I have always mantained live like a king and die like and emperor!

Hey James!
Great to see you back! & fantastic to see ure doing well!
If your RIGless you must be doing ok!
RE the sore throat - i still get a bit scratchy back there, especialy when i'm dry and have no protective mucous.
Like i said, believe it or not, there is always a light at the end of t he tunnel!
I'm over in Brighton wednesday next week. I saw Dr.Simcock on my last visit so who knows who it'll be next?!
So pleased about the tumour!
So pleased you're getting there!

Ananth...
Never been compared to a sport before... Usually for me, there's no competition! *lol*

Take care all!
Michelle