Hello to all. I am a new member here and have looked at this site many times during the painful route I travelled with my husband during his mouth cancer. I am now coming back to join as I feel I may be able to help others and I am sure they can also help me

Welcome Moira!

I too am the wife of a man with mouth cancer and actually became a member of this site after the major part of his crisis was over.

If you don't my asking, what type of cancer did your husband have and what was the outcome for him? Mine had base of tongue cancer that metastasized to his right neck lymph nodes. It was stage four. He is now in remission and one year post treatment.

Glad you found this site once again and you're connecting with others who care.

From my heart,

Melanie

Hi Melanie,
My husband has SCC of tongue. He was diagnosed and passed away within a year of diagnosis. It has been 19 months since his passing and a very life changing experience. I am a nurse and nursed my husband myself at home up until a few days before he died. He was 36 yrs old at the time and we had decided to start a new life in Australia. Only there for 8 wks and then found out this devastating news. My husband never complained really about anything in his life and reflecting on this I think this was not such a good thing.. I am very sure that he suffered in silence and was terrified through all of this. He had a hemi glossectomy in Australia, 12 wks of RT and then on Xmas eve we were told he had developed secondaries in lymph node. Then went on to have a radical neck disection. We had to go home a few months later as he was very sick by then and he underwent further neck disection total glossectomy with removal of his abdominal muscle and a new tongue made. Peg tube insertion and emergency tracheostomy.....

Sadly we do not have this wonderful, beautiful man on this earth, but he has touched the heart of all he has been in contact with...

I wish you and your husband my love and prayers.

from my heart also
Moira

Hello Moira

Kezia has left you a message about getting involved in supporting our charity in increasing mouth cancer awareness.

Best wishes
Vinod

Thanks Dr Vinod,
I will be back home in UK in August, looking forward to getting involved.
Still working here on cruise ship and its a bit difficult to get involved physically with anything.

thanks
Moira

HI Moira,

Your husband (and I presume your goodself) are relatively young victims of this pernicious disease. There is little comfort in being a victim other than supporting others who are experiencing today what you have already suffered.

There is another site an American cancer survivors site www.acscsn.org which I can recommend to you and others on this site in which carers as well as patients can tell their stories and so help many others come to terms with the trauma of cancer. We may never know who we help but our efforts are always appreciated by those in need.

I note that you are back to work and gradually rebuilding your life and I wish you well in the future. As a nurse you are blessed with the ability to work in a caring vocation which is often underestimated and not nearly given the respect which it deserves. Yet it cannot be easy to care for those you love, I sometimes wonder how the medical profession can cope with the stress of caring and applying their best endeavours against sometimes impossible odds. But then again there will be success stories and the pleasure of being part of the healing process must be immense and satisfying.

May you know the fellowship, love and grace of the Trinity as you continue your own journey and may you always bring joyful support to those in your care and need, God bless you and keep you safe, Alan

Hi there Alan,
Many thanks for your understanding and beautiful words which do mean a lot to me.
Yes this horrific disease did come at such an early age for us.
As most of us going or who have gone through this huge painful journey
know so well thas sometimes reflecting back upon things seem like an endless nightmare and I wonder if that actually was me there at that time. All so surreal but as we know very real.
Working has been very testing and a real challenge. and I really feel- I am a nurse as I have this vocation.Its just so hard to be on the recieving end and let someone else look after me.Rebuilding my life, yes I hope so, but again this engulfing disease has entered into my family network again and is taking the life of my young cousin. I am devastated and unsure of which road to take as I am working overseas and battling as whether to go home. Family trying to protect me and say "no" I should stay here, just so so unsure as what to do.
She is in my heart and soul and I suppose that is the main thing..

thank you so much
Moira

Hello again Moira,

Cancer does seem to run in families, I have had an Aunt and an Uncle who suffered really badly in the early 70's before succumbing to the disease and my in-laws both died in the eighties as a result of lung and bone cancer respectively but by then care management was improving and they were nursed at home by my wife and passed away in their own beds with their daughter by their side, without fear or pain.

You are split between obligations to your family and your employer, working a cruise ship plying the Carribean must seem like heaven for those stuck in mundane employment here in the UK and for the moment a grey Scotand well up here in the North East in any event, but it is still work but then more than work for you, certainly not a holiday and you will have a contract.

That you care and she knows you care will shrink the distance and ease the separation between you, and you will know when the time is right to request leave of absence on compassionate grounds, which I feel sure would be granted by any compassionate employer.

Your humanity shows not only though your words on this site but in your actions day by day and you must believe that we are not meant to suffer alone: your love for people is the reflection of God's love for you which I am sure you must feel and appreciate.

Trust Him to guide your action and lead you where you can best apply the talents He has given you for the ultimate care of His Creation.

Lay your worries upon Him as He invites you to and bathe in the balm of His Grace as it envelopes in His infinite love.

You are on my mind and in my prayers and I pray that you shall in time find love once more, you deserve to be cherished, there can be no shame in relying on others as they rely on you.

Take care Moira and take comfort from the fact that you do not need to suffer alone. Alan

quote:

Originally posted by Melanie:
Welcome Moira!

I too am the wife of a man with mouth cancer and actually became a member of this site after the major part of his crisis was over.

If you don't my asking, what type of cancer did your husband have and what was the outcome for him? Mine had base of tongue cancer that metastasized to his right neck lymph nodes. It was stage four. He is now in remission and one year post treatment.

Glad you found this site once again and you're connecting with others who care.

From my heart,

Melanie

Hi Melanie - My name is Rachel - and my husband Steve was diagnosed with the very same thing !! I have read most of your posts and u have no idea how happy i am to know that your husband Dan is coming along nicely !! I would really like to speak to with you ! I have no one 2 really talk to that would understands what I've been goin thur - I sent you a PM - Hopefully we can chat soon!! Thanks!!

Rachel...

I just responded to your other post before coming across this one. Unfortunately I am being told that it's past our bedtime (by my sweet husband) and must shut down this computer. We are leaving tomorrow around mid day for a vacation, but I'll try to go online in the morning and read the PM you sent to me. Yes, I would be more than happy to talk with you!!! I'll be in touch again, hopefully tomorrow. Good night all!

Melanie

Hi Alan,
Please say a prayer for my young cousin, the inevitable is very close now and she will not be with us for much longer.
A blessing for her really as she is suffering so much pain.

thanks
Moira

Heavenly Father please let Moira's cousin know of your infinite love and grace as her time in this world comes to its inevitable end. Please enable Moira's cousin to be aware of the love and devotion of her whole family and not least Moira's love and concern as she works so very far from home, family and friends and her beloved cousin. Howsoever you choose to make yourself known to this young woman may you also bring comfort to her immediate family as they face the trauma of loss in such painful and tragic circumstances. Welcome her spirit into your Kingdom Lord where she will be free of pain and suffering eternally, and may the memory of her life eventually be a comfort and celebration rather than a cause of hurt and sorrow for her family and friends as it is just now Father.

We bring our prayers to you with confidence in the name and with the authority of our Lord and Saviour your Son Jesus Christ who died to bring us eternal salvation even without knowing us, Amen.

Dear Alan,

Many thanks for your beautiful prayers which I take much comfort from. My cousin was taken from this world on Saturday morning awaited by many who love her.
I will not be going home to Scotland for her funeral on Thursday, I will mourn for her here.
thank you for your strength and caring.

kindest regards
Moira

Dear Moira,

Although my prayer was offered up after your Cousin's untimely passing I have no doubt of its power, and I mourn with you separated by thousands of miles from those you grieve with. You have been tested by the events in your life and it takes a special kind of courage to keep facing life and offering a caring vocation in such circumstances .

My prayer is now for you as your Cousin has, I am confident passed into a spiritual domain where she will be eternally at peace. I admire your resolve and quiet if perhaps faltering Faith for which I cannot judge you, my own Faith has been tested many times but I have never found God to fail me once. Even though we have no way of knowing what the future holds in this realm the future after death is assured for all who believe that Jesus is who He said He was: which I do and have never really doubted even when a child but did not understand the concept.

You will have a Padre or Chaplain onboard ship and if you seek spiritual comfort I am sure that you will find that he or she will be very willing to be a conduit for your own silent or prayerful meditation as your remember your Cousin's life on Thursday wherever you happen to be on that day.

Meantime I share with you our Lord's Prayer:-

Our Father who is in heaven,
Holy be your Name, Your Kingdom come,
Your Will be known on Earth just as it is known in Heaven,
Give us all the sustenance we require daily both temporal and spiritual,
Forgive us our wrongs and the strength to forgive those who wrong against us
And lead away from all temptation,
For yours is the Kingdom the Power and the Glory
Forever,
Amen.

There is no shame in tears Moira as this sad loss brings the memories of your own recent bereavement back into acute focus, God's compassion knows no bounds and He suffers with you as I do this week.

Fondly with affection, Alan

Hi there Alan,
Thank you again for your prayers. I feel a bit lost here at the moment and feel that I am sinking again into a bit of depression, which only recently was beginning to clear.

I suppose I will come out of it the same way as I did before.Yes the loss of another family member does bring back the sad recent loss of my husband and bring back many painful memories.

I suppose only time will heal again the wounds of this terrible sadness.

Even just to remember what day it is can be difficult here as one day seems to be the same as the next, as we don't always manage to see daylight here on the ship. I know it sounds a bit odd but it happens frequently.

thank you for your time and your caring compassion.

kind regards
Moira