Hi
I received a lot of help and reassurance from this forum at the beginning of this year when my father had surgery for oral cancer. Having battled thro the surgery and radiotherapy, 10 months on, the cancer has returned and Dad has been told there is nothing more that can be done. He has been given weeks to live, but he is a positive,determined and stubborn old man, and he is not ready to go yet ( he has survived 2months so far, since he was told it would be weeks)!Today, he has had his urine tested, as he has needed to go to the toilet every 20mins. Blood has been found in his urine, tho it is not visible. My question: is this likely to be a sign that the cancer has spread further? This is such a distressing time for all of us- I live in Wakefield, my parents in Gloucester, so I am up and down the country trying to support them as much as possible ( I am a teacher and have my own family) I want to be with Mum and Dad when he dies, but I don't know when that will be. Is the blood in his urine a sign that his death may be imminent? I don't suppose anyone out there can answer that question. I'm just grasping at straws.

Hi vjn
I can appreciate how you are feeling. I went through the same thing with my mother. It seemed every day brought a new 'sign' and we would be wondering if today was 'the' day. On and on it went and we didn't want her to be alone. Sadly, no-one knows when the end will be. Just exactly when is 'imminent'? Perhaps if you are elsewhere asking that question, you are already in the wrong place. So many things can be the cause of death in the end and no-one (I'm pretty sure) would be able to tell you otherwise ~ certainly that was the case for my family. Sadly, unfortunately you just have to be sure you have 'been there' and done and said all that you could and all that you wanted to say and do for both your Dad and yourself. No amount of planning will guarantee you will be with your Dad when he passes.
Sorry I really don't have any words of wisdom for you. Perhaps when all the sleepy heads up there on top of the world wake up, someone will be of more help.
Thinking of you from Down Under
Deborah

Hi vjn

I am deeply sorry how things have turned out. I can only suggest that you talk to your dad about the inevitable and ask how he feels about the possibility of you not being there. You will know if he is being truthful or just being kind. As you have a distance between you and you have your own commitments, it is imperitive that you get your feelings out into the open or there is the chance of terrible misplaced guilt if you are not there.

As for the "blood" issue, I would ring your dad's gp and ask his advice. If he cannot help you, ask for the name and phone number of a specialist and call them. I am a firm believer in the old adage of "if you don't ask questions, you'll never get an answer".

Good luck with it all. Remember we are all here for you whether you want a rant or need a shoulder.

Ray

Hi vjn,
I dont know the answer to your question about blood in the urine but I'm sorry to hear your dads news. Hagg.