Dear Chris,

Thaks for your kind words and I am really grateful. I, however, out of choice decided not to go in for any treatment as the cancer was unstopable this time around. I did not want to spend time that I could have been living as I have always done rather then by looking out of a hospital room. My doctor though does keep saying to try and get in for treatment - we all know its not possible - so he does not push me too much.
I have had a long fight with this stupid illness and this time around have the cancer win. I coped for seven years - but its now time to call it quits as I dont want to see the insides of a hospital ever again. This is a promise I made to my self and plan to stick by it. However, I am going to enjoy my life to its fullest till I can.

Take care and lots of love,
Ananth

Hi Ananth

Sorry to hear your devastating news. I'm pleased to hear that you're going to enjoy your life to its fullest as long as you can.

Have you read the book "50 Essential Things to Do when the Doctor says It's Cancer" by Greg Anderson? He was given 30 days to live, but is still going strong 23 years later. Hope I'm not trying to teach you to suck eggs.

I'm sure all the people who are involved with the Message Board join with me in wishing you well.

Lots of love


Chris

Dear Chris,

I honestly do not feel its devastating as it will be a cake walk after what I have been through in the past eight years now.I honestly feel feel like a dead man walking - except that I am still breathing which dead men do not. However - I cannot eat, cannot drink, hardly ever drive, my bike riding is out of the question, though I work out, I do get tired when I go out and then to hear people go on as to what a brave guy this is, what a fighter and so on - is sickening.
I have one of the top doctors who treated me and is now infact the head of the most prestigious hospital in India and we have grown to be more like friends then a doctor/patient relationship. He never minces words or gives false hopes. He asked me if I would like to get admitted but also that I would not get through this time. Thats when I decided - no hospitals for anything. I would not get into a hospital even if I broke an arm or leg. Enough was enough. Accepting what was going to happen was tough initially but now that I have settled almost all my work, I have accepted what has to be will be and very honestly am not scared of whats to come.
No - I have not read the book but do imagine it will be worth reading and I will certainly give it a try as I am extremely fond of reading anything I can get my hands on (even a Playboy!!). Twenty three years with cancer is a long time but it would be nice to know the full details as to what cancer, at what stage etc - did he have when he was treated. 23 years ago - cancer at any stage was a death sentence and to have been through that period he was extremely lucky and the cancer was detected in time. Mine was in T4 - the final stage when it was diagnosed and then it began. I was at the peak of my life and carrer when the illness struck and when it did - I doubt if a lot of people could take the beating my body took. Once a person takes such a beating kicking the bucket seems a cake walk. I only hope I am wearing those solid work boots when I do kick the bucket! I dont want to hurt my toes!

Do keep posting - as I enjoy going through everyones post and keep myself upto date on how people are faring.

Everyone on the forum are gems and are all very special to me. Yes - I have flown off the handle a couple of times but everyone has forgiven me. I have a good sense of humor which I use to try and make life lighter for everyone as I feel the more you talk about the cancer and not by the medication etc. - it just gets you deeper into depression. I have never wished that of anybody and never will. I am nuts about all the ladies on the forum and number of kisses I have given them and the number of hugs - guess they all must be the most kissed women ever!!!.

Its not that I have stopped posting but have had a lot to complete and tie up the loose ends. Now that is done and over with I can do what I enjoy most - get funny on the forum - but without hurting anyones sentiments.


Take care and lots of love and the famous Hugs (ask Dr. Joshi about them)
Ananth

i need a hug right now ananth!xx bev

Dear Bev -
You have it now - sent by special courier services. Hold on tight to it as it may come handy some day.

Lots of love, hugs(some more) Kisses.and do keep in touch evn if you want to mail me directly you may do so with Dr. Joshis approval on ananthshenoy@email.com
Ananth'

ananth just received hug feel sooooooo much better now trying not to get too down with the pending results but as we say on here it isnt cancer till it is cancer !

I had the simulation today and as everyone advised, it was extremely easy and took only about 45 minutes. The techs were extremely professional and nice, letting me know exactly what they were doing each minute. The mask was merely warm (not hot, as I'd expected) and was also much softer than expected. I think that the pix I saw on various internet sites made it look torturous. Sure was far easier than a simple dental cleaning! My start date is February 14.

I was early so spent some time in the waiting room where I met two women who were also going through the same treatment. One had 12 more treatments left, the other 16. They were doing OK and both were still able to swallow, eat, etc. One had a red spot on her neck about the size of a pound, the other was African-American and said she had no idea whether she was red or not. (When I told this to my daughter I said that one woman had a red spot, the other woman was black. My daughter almost started to cry, thinking that the woman's neck had burned to charcoal. I had to reassure her that the woman was African-American and couldn't tell if her neck had changed color or not!)

Tucked within this thread I started are a few remarkable posts from Ananth, a guy I 'met' only a week ago but feel I know quite well. (Thanks, buddy!) Ananth posted a change in status and has taken a new path. I hope, Ananth, that you start a thread on this yourself so that it can be read, understood and appreciated by all - not everyone is going to go to my whining-about-simulation thread. I've sent some cosmic hugs your way.

Thanks to everyone for welcoming me and for your good advice.

Dear Mimi,
Please do accept my apologies for the way the the thread went off to another direction as it was never my intention. I was more interested in your well being and hearing about you. I truly apologise again.
One learns with age and gets wiser by the day and thats the same in my case. I read your post today and when you spoke about the mask - it reminded me of the one they had to make for me. They had to do the exercise three times before they got it right because I just would not keep steady! However, you are off on your journey that I have passed and all I can say is eat as much as you can, put on weight, become fat as the radiation may not show its effects right away but will make eating and drinking a misery later on. You may also be one of the lucky ones who will not feel the effects as much others do - which would be great.
I dont know why I always seem to put my foot into my mouth - old habits die hard I guess. It was never my intention to move anything away from what you wanted to say. You are a part of the family and I have had my say on a lot of things and have realised how wrong I was. Please keep us posted on how everything goes (and everyday!!).I do not know about others - but I am keen on knowing.

Now do keep typing in and keep us updated and sweetheart, yes - its not just the posts -its me who is "remarkable!!!.". You are wonderful like all the other ladies.Very special and thats why I pass on special kisses only to the most lovely women in my life - who are all here.

So, here I go again. I truly want to hear everything as to how things go with you as it would make life easier as there are so many people who would be of great help to you during the course of your treatment.

Say Hi to your daughter and let me end this post here with lots and lots of love,but cyber smooches and hugs.You are a wonderful person and dont ever forget that.

Ananth