Hello everyone.
I'm Michelle and care for my Husband Matthew who has nasopharyngeal cancer.
I knew it was going to be to get through this but thought we would do it together. It has been a thousand times harder than I thought. Matt is really ill at the moment and the bad days seem to be more than the good. He has had all the treatment he can have and we are just waiting to find out if it has worked. A hard swelling has come up on the front of his neck and his voice has become hoarse and strange sounding also. We had a bad night last night and also today because he is in so much pain and is vomiting alot. He is going into the Hospice tomorrow to try to sort his medication out and also for me to have a break as I am shattered, everytime he moves at night I'm up to see if he's okay. I try to look after him alone because we have two teenagers at home and three older children who have their own lives and we want them to try to go on as normal.
I feel so guilty because he has to go into the Hosoice and feel I have let him down because I can't sort his pain out here at home.
I'm sorry for going on, I feel once I start talking to someone who understands I can't stop. Thanks for listening. Michelle.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Dr Vinod K Joshi,

Hello Michelle, please don't be so hard on yourself. I am so sorry to hear that your husband is suffering so much and it must be very distressing for you to see this happening to your loved one. But you do deserve a rest - you can't go on and on giving and not take time to re-charge your batteries. You know that Matthew will be well cared for in the hospice so let someone else take over for a little while and you can get the rest that you so very much need. That way you will be better able to care for him when he comes home again. You know it makes sense!!! Much love Brenda x

Dear Michelle, try not to feel so hard on yourself, you have been caring for Mathew, & now need some respite.I too remember the nights when every movement had me up to see what I could do to relieve the situation for my husband,its very distressing.
Listen to Brenda's advice ,Thats what I wanted to say, but she's done it so much better!

Good morning Michelle,
everyone on this website will understand your anguish. somewhere in your mind you probably feel that having shared so much with Mathew you should now share in his suffering,but he will not want this.Both of you want the best for the other,and the best in this case is the action you have taken. No one will gainsay you for your decision,certainly not Mathew.I am a cancer patient of some twelve months ,at the moment I am quite active but your post has prompted me to pause in writing this reply to tell my wife that when I become a burden she is to seek the appropriate care, if this means a hospice then so be it.I think you will have seen by now that West Yorkshire has an excellent team of dedicated experts to deal with cancer problems,quite likely the best available, if you need medical help they are always there. If you just need to talk then there are many on this website who will be only too pleased to listen.
I usually finish a posting with the catchphrase"Keep Smiling" this may be a little difficult at the moment but how about giving it a little try.
Best Wihes
John

Thank you all very much for your kind replies. I have just got home from the hospice and it is the loveliest place. Matt has his own room which is large and airy and light with an en suite, telly, video and music, with french doors out onto a patio with a lovely garden.
He has setlled in well and I feel so much better leaving him. I am going to have an early night now and get some sleep. Thank you all again. Michelle. x

Michelle
Do not feel guilty. Hospice can be an angel in disquise. They took excellant care of my Mom.

You need to rest

Terry

Michelle Ma Belle, don't feel bad, you need to recharge your batteries, you cannot be super woman all the time; we all feel guilt, somehow we seem to have been programed that way. If your husband needs professional care for a while, please accept it and be thankful you have found a really good place. We are all thinking of you, try and have loads of sleep and pamper yourself a bit. Big Bear Hugs

Hi Garance, Are you still on?

Hi Michelle

Im so sorry to hear of your plight...I know how you must feel, like your letting Mathew down but Im sure he wont see it that way and its no good making yourself ill too....you do need some rest, you cant do it all....nobody is super human. Sending positive thoughts from another west yorshire gal!