hi i am dee my dad has tongue cancer and i have been searching or sites for recipes for blending food and fruit and drinks but cant seem to find any good ones , my dad is nearing the end of his radiotherapy treatment he is 8 away from 30 treatments hes had a peg tube fitted before he started it , but he now has to use it constantly i would love some advise on recipes for blending into liquid pureed meals as he is finding it very frustrating not eating anything at all he is now struggling with fluids too but i have got him some thickening powder to add to drinks so that seems to work and stops the gag reflex happening so often any guidance would be appriciated as i am the only carer he has at the moment merry xmas and thank you in advance dee

What I did was buy one of those smoothie makers and went to town with my imagination....soups, fruit drinks etc. Trouble is....... nothing much is appetising when you have a peg and your throat is in such pain. As nothing tastes of much anyway its best to mix things up with the highest vitamin and nutritional content.

Hi Dee
my name is Bushra. My husband's nickname on this forum was danny. My husband just died on November 29th this year after struggling with tongue cancer for 2 years. I am e-mailing to reply to your message. My husband Dan loved to eat. He had a G-Tube for about 1.5 years. He used to blend ANYTHING on the blender and put it through the G-Tube. You really don't need a recipe. Dan used to just eat whatever we were eating, and blend it on the blender and put it through the G-tube, but it has to be like pureed. It needs to be very thin - like liquid almost so that it would go. He used to use the syringe to put it through the G-tube.
However, I do have to admit that eating through the G-tube was pretty messy and many times he was frustrated and didn't finish what he blended.. but he did it for a long time

I hope your dad would be O.K., but he will need a lot of help.

have a great holiday & new year

Bushra

hi first of all thank you for your kind responses i have just bought my dad a blender but as yet have not had chance to try it i had to have him admitted to hospital on xmas eve and i am just inbetween visits he now has septicemia and is in a critcal condition they said the first 24hours would be crucial hes past that now and still no change , i just pray that he either makes a full recovery or just slips away peacefully as i dont think he can take much more of this its so hard. i am so sorry for your loss bushra its all very hard work and very draining but you just dont know where you get strength from i am also a full time carer for my grandad also and his son my uncle lives with him too and was in a road accident two weeks ago so it is all very draining thank you so much
dee

Dear Dee,
I told my husband before he died, and when he told me that he is afraid of death that people who suffer so much like him go to heaven. My husband Dan was only 39 years old, and we have a daughter who is 3 years old. He fought cancer very bravely for 2 years. Towards the end he had a stroke in his brain, and he died very peacefully. When he had the stroke, I felt that he was able to hear us. They say that hearing is the last sense that goes away. So I made promises for him, and he breathed and that is how I knew that he heard me.
Cancer - and tongue cancer in specific is a very difficult disease for both the patient and the people caring for the patient. As for where we get the strength from to carry on.. [other than God] I think you get it from within. I felt that the harder it got, the harder we had to fight and work to exist. It was very stressful.. the only thing I can tell you is to enjoy your company with your Dad as much as possible. Cherish every minute and every day.. life is short. Life is full of surprises.. nobody knows what is going to happen whether to them or to us (who are cancer free for now)..
I have a picture of a guy running and in front of him there is a very long road that goes up a hill, and it says:
The race is not always to the swift but to those who keep on running
this was my husband's motto..

may the new year be good for you and your beloved ones

Bushra

thank you once again bushra once again ive now been up for over 48hours as been on a constant bedside vigil for my dad my family have sent me home for some rest as it has been who has been dealing with all his treatments and appointments before he was admitted as an emergency case with the septicemia we are all hoping that he realises that we will all be fine if he decided to give up at the moment he is responsive at times by flicking his eyebrows and sometimes a nod or a slight smile in between doses of diamorphine etc weve been told now that its just palative care now and that it could be anytime or he could re-cover although unlikely as he has rapidly detiorated weve all talked as a family and decided that if theres a choice we dont want to prolong his suffering as yet just waiting for the doctor to come to talk to us about it unfortunately with the xmas everything is on a go slow it seems at least it has given the whole fmaily to drive from different parts of the country to come and see him and tell him they love him no matter what happens . your husband was also a very brave man and it generally does tend to be another cause that ends it in the end due to the body failing . i just hope and pray if he goes its quickly and painless for him im off to bed now just in case get a call to go to hospital as will be first time slept in days providing i can get to sleep my best wishes to you and your family and i hope the new year brings new beginnings to you all and fond memories always
deexxxxx

Dear Dee
I totally understand what you're going through. My husband Dan died last month on November 29th. I was going through exactly what you're going through.. the sleepless nights, the worry, the waiting .. the fear of the unknown.. my husband died very peacefully, thank God. He had a stroke in his brain, and the doctors told us that he will not be recovering from that. They told us not to give him food, medicine, not to measure his blood sugar.. not to do anything. They said he may die between 1 day to 7 days. I thought he may last 2 weeks because he didn't want to die, and because he was young -39 years old... but he died the same day. He was unresponsive for 22 hours. However, he was able to hear us. I know that because his breathing would change when he heard me say something he wanted to hear. I told all the family and friends about his condition, and people were either coming to visit or call on the phone. I would put the phone next to his ear.. so a lot of people got to tell him that they love him. I think this is the most important thing you can do for your Dad now. Just keep telling him that you love him and that he, you, your daughter (is that your daughter in the picture?).. will never forget him, and that he will be O.K. He will go to heaven after suffering for so long.. this is the best thing I think you can do now, for him and for yourself. Also, take it easy.. try to leave the room and give yourself a chance to rest.. It happened that I actually left the house for an hour or so, and when I came back, that's when my husband die. It seems that he wanted to die with me in the room. Our 3 year old daughter was also in the room. He died very peacefully. Hopefully things will go easy on you guys too. I will be praying for you. Take care of yourself. Also, remember you're doing a great job and I am sure your dad is very grateful for your love and support.
Bushra

thanks again bushra i told my mam about talking to you today again i have spent 10hours at my dads bedside and it is just as you describe my dad hears me and trys to blink by moving his eyes when we speak to him so we know he can hear and understand whats going on around him , which in one respect is re-assuring for us to know he knows how much we love him but also makes you question whether to stop treatment or not hes been quite responsive today opening his eyes now and again to see whose around him but then closing them again. the doctors have been in today and had a shock to see how well he is responding to us but he did other day too and then went down hill next day so we still dont really know . the doctors have taken bloods today to see what the situation is with septicemia is if its got any better or not then we can make a decision from there hopefully we will find out the results tomorrow and take it from there , i will stay in touch and let you know what is going to happen and once again your kind words have brought comfort to me that it may not take a long time if we do stop the treatment , which we have decided to do if the blood is no better so hopefully i will know better by tomorrow your a power of strenght to me and my thoughts and prayers are with you
deexxxxxxxx

Dear Dee
I had to look up the word septicemia on google because I didn't know what it meant and they said basically bacteria in the blood stream. I don't really know anything about it.. so I don't know how "dangerous" this is. Hopefully the doctors who are taking care of your dad know what they are doing. How long has your dad been fighting oral cancer? my husband fought it for 2 year.. so towards the end after they have basically tried everything, there was nothing else that could be done for him, and also he had the stroke in his brain. The cancer went from his tongue to his spine.. but neither he nor I wanted him to die. So I was fighting for him to stay alive until they told me that he has the stroke in the brain and he won't come out of it. So I guess it depends on what your Dad wants... did he express his wishes before he became so ill? my husband didn't want to die and he wanted to be recessitated if there is hope for him to live..

For instance, I didn't want my husband to die at home because we have a 3 year old daughter and I thought it would be traumatic for her to see that her died died at home. So I was thinking that when he gets so sick, to take him to the nursing home or a hospital.. but Dan wanted to die at home. So I was telling my friend this - my friend is older than me and she has been through more difficult times in her life, and she told me "you have to respect his wishes". So that really was like a slap in the face, and it woke me up. I immediately realized that she was right. So I decided to support my husband more, and respect his wishes and keep him at home. So we got a hospital bed in the living room, and we got nurses at home. We basically had a hospital at home.. with all his medications, equipment, etc... and when he died it was so peaceful. Our daughter was watching TV in the living room and I told her that Daddy died, he went to heaven, do you want to say bye to him. She said "I don't want heaven I don't want to say goodbye". It was a normal response for a 3 year old..

in any case.. just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing a great job by being so supportive and loving to your Dad and Mom. YOu are going through a very difficult time, and hopefully things will get easier... hang in there, and try to take some time off, even if it is just 1 hour or so because you don't wnat to collapse.. your health and YOU are important too.

Bushra

hi bushra
ive just got back from the hospital again . ive had a word with the doctors theyve said that the cancer is terminal whether he pulls through the infection or not his quality of life is going to be terrible he,ll need 24 hour care 7 days a week , we did talk to dad about this before and he said he did not want to live if it meant living that way, basically come tue when all the doctors come back on duty after the new year they will see if he has made any significant improvements then they will let us know whether it is worth fighting it any more. we know my dads wishes and what he wants and doesnt want so when we find out the prognosis then we will have to decide. it will be hard but it would also be easier because weve talked about it before this happened . take care and please keep in touch its so nice to have someone whos not family to talk to about this objectively
deexx

Good Morning Dee,
Even though you know your dad's wishes any decision you have to make on this matter will not be easy.If it helps I can tell you that I am 69,probably about the same age as your dad.I have a loving family, which obviously your dad has.I am a cancer patient twice over so I understand the feelings from the inside looking out which presents a different perspective from that of non patients who are on the outside looking in.At the moment my health position is stable so I am able to enjoy life.Recently I said in a posting that I would accept any treatment which prolonged my life; what I should have said was "prolonged a meaningfull life".A life of constant pain,misery and being a burdon to my loved ones would not be meaningfull to me, and judging from what you said in your last posting I think your dad would look at things the same way.May the new year be kinder to you than the old one.
Best wishes to you and yours.
Keep Smiling
John

hi john i am happy to hear you have had several chances at life i am heading back to the hospital soon its all very hard trying to decide whats best for my dad and trying to think of what he would want , we were told hes never going to be better last night and even if pulls through will need round the clock care , i know that this is not what he wanted and we just have to wait till tuesday now to see what his consultant says , they are still giving him huge ammounts of anti biotics and trying to pull him throught it , so we,ll just have to see what the weekend brings i hope you stay well and have a good new year
best wishes
dee

hi Dee
your Dad's present condition sounds very much like my husband's. My husband Dan needed personal care, 24 hours a day 7 days a week for 3-4 weeks. The thing is that you can't really rush it. If that is what he needs now, then that is what he will get.. but you can't rush it. His body will slowly shut down on his own pace.. not anybody else's pace.. I actually became more attached to my husband in those last few weeks in his life. If they tell you it's terminal, then it is.. and all you can do now is just pray for him, and if he alert enough maybe he wants to write a letter to somebody.. like your children.. or whoever.. My husband had his tongue removed and he couldn't open his mouth at all. So he was writing down what he wanted. When I told him that the doctor said basically that that's it. He said an incredible sentence I thought.. he said: how can I make the best out of my time. So I told him that he could write a letter to our 3 year old daughter.. but he couldn't. He just wrote a sentence or two. However after he died, I started collecting things he wrote, his e-mails, his pictures, his videos so that I would show them to our daughter when she grows up. She will want to know whom her daddy was. So maybe if his situation is terminal and if he is alert maybe he could write something.. Other things you could do is bring the priest (if you're Catholic .. or any other religious figure if you're not Catholic) so that s/he would pray for him. We have hospice here in the US, and they were very helpful during those last few days. They had a pastor coming and he visited with Dan. Dan and the pastor had a great time the day before Dan died. They were playing guitar and talking about music. So if your Dad is alert you would want him to have a good time.. if he is not alert, they say that the last thing that goes is the hearing, so he may be able to hear you so you could tell him whatever you wish to tell him or give him promises for the future. Maybe if there is a social worker in the hospital, maybe she can help you out too. If the doctor tells you that's it, then you also have to start thinking or planning for the funeral arrangements.. although nobody wants to do that before the person dies.. but in this part of the world that is what people do. I don't know what they do in England.
Most importantly, take care of YOURSELF. Go for a walk, breath fresh air.. take it easy... because you don't want to collapse your Dad wouldn't be happy about that.
Everything I am telling you is basically what I have done with my husband.. just telling you about my own experience which just happened 1 month ago. So it is still so fresh in my mind.. and I really understand what you're going through. It is EXTREMELY difficult. God be with you, you dad, and your beloved ones.

let's hope the new year would bring health, happiness, and peace to everybody

Bushra

Hi, my wife and I have just gone through the worst year of our lives, I was diagnosed Feb 2005 with 'cancer of the tongue'.
I had a neck disection followed by 6 weeks of radio/chemotherapy.
I feel fine now and would like to help anyone who is going through the same experience as I have.

hi steve i am glad your willing to help people its a traumatic time going through what you are ,
I am sorry to everyone else who did help me and keep in touch with me through the site i found it very helpful and i thank you all . i have some bad news though i lost my father on jan 15th 06 its been a very quick and painful time for all of us which i dont think i would of got through without everyones help on here .i have not had time to turn around in the last month because of the funeral arrangements etc and paperowrk like i have never seen before. i decided on the day of my dads funeral i was going to do something for our local st clares charity hospice so i have recently shaved all my hair off and was in local newspapers i raised about £300 for it and it has helped me come to terms and accept what has happened but long road ahead of us all yet . once again thank you to all the people who showed care to me during my worst days and if i can continue to help in any way to anybody else please just shout
all my love dee
stay well