I had my check up on Friday. The consultant was examining my neck and focused on feeling the right side of my neck. He asked me to move my neck into lots of different positions so that he could feel more. When I asked why he had paid such a lot of attention to one area he said that I had an enlarged node, but this was to be expected as I had had metastasis when I was first diagnosed, but he thought that the swelliing was on a different level. I told him that I hadn't had metastasis, and he said that that was what it said in my notes, but when he flicked back to the first page he said that I was right and my original diagnosis had been T2, N0, Mx. I'm not sure what the Mx meant, I thought it would have been M0. My consultant has recommended an unltrasound for my reassurance, and an appointment to see him the week after the ultrasound.
I'm really worried and scared as you can all imagine. I'm not sure what my prospects will be if 'it' has returned. I know that radiotherpay is not an option the second time around. I didn't have a radical neck disection last time, so I guess they could do this, but is surgery and chemo the only option the second time around?

I've got to wait until next Friday for the Utrasound, and the following Friday for the results, and I don't know how I'm going to get through the next two weeks.

I was trying to keep my concerns to myself, and not to worry my son, but he found me in tears this morning, so I had to tell him why. My husband is not being supportive at all, he is recovering from a stomach bug, and is very resentful of me asking for any assistance either physically or emotionally.

Jenni

oh jennie,what a shock you have had i cant i magine how you must be feeling hun,i pray that ts nothing to worry about.take care love shirl xxx

Hello Jenni

It is difficult to not worry but the fact is that there is no diagnosis yet, only a date for an ultrasound scan. An node can be enlarged for several other reasons. If you had no nodes before, the chances are that the radiotherapy to the neck was minimal or nil and might still be an option. Also newer techniques (like IMRT) might make it feasible to give it again as it is more focussed. If the ultrasound scan does show a localised cancer, surgery and chemotherapy might be the preferred option anyway. Try not to worry for 1) it might be nothing serious and 2) it does not help. So go on and enjoy the days to Friday. There is a lot to smile about if only you can see it.

Best wishes
Vinod

Dear jenni
Mx means presence of distant metastis cannot be assessed.
So it doesn't mean that you had metastisis at your origonal diagnosis.The N numbers indicate nodal involvement and these can be classified as metastic.Yours reads N0 so that means there was no nodal involvment.So really there is no second guessing this,and hopefully the ultrasound will show you have nothing more than post radiation scarring,or lymphoedema.

Try to stay positive and dont try to keep things to yourself ,it wont help.

love Liz

Hi Jenni
Thinking of you and your tears (they're always close to the surface at our house these days too!).
Worrying and imagining and jumping to conclusions are all so easy once you have been down the cancer road. Try to keep your chin up and go with the flow. I think Dr Joshi's advice is priceless.
Love from Down Under
Deborah

Hi Jenni, I agree that Dr Joshi's advice is the way to look at it. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. It's a shame your husband cant be more supportive. Maybe he is scared too and doesn't want to address his concerns. Still a bad show though. Hagg.

Hi Hagg,

Yes I think my husband is having difficulty talking about it. He looked on the internet yesterday to see if tickets were available for Chelsea flower show and ordered them for me. It's another of those things that I've always wanted to do and never got around to. I think he wanted to give me something to look forward to. Having cancer has changed my attitude to the things that I want to do. Every year when Chelsea was on the TV I'd realise that yet another year had gone by, and I had forgotten to order tickets or book time off from work. For our wedding anniversary my husband bought me membership to the RHS, and we went to RHS Wisley for the day, and the intention was that next year we would go to Chelsea on one of the members days.

Dr Joshi,

Thanks so much for the info on the treatment options, as well as the good advice about trying not to worry too much. I'll do my best, but I'm swinging between optimism and bleak pessimism at the moment. Keeping busy seems to help.

Thanks everybody for your words of advice and support. Cookey as you said this could be nothing more than post radiotherapy scarring, and I had a CT scan on the same site last year, because I was concerned about the uneveness of my neck. This didn't show any enlarged nodes, so hopefully the ultrasound will show the same results.

I'm off to the dentist in a minute (again) because I've broken a bit of my tooth. I think they'll be inviting me to the Christmas party because I spend so much time there!

Jenni.

Hi Jenni, I still have a list of things I want to do but never quite get round too, but in the last couple of years I have made a bit more effort.

Hi Jenni,
I know how you're feeling with the threat of recurrance. As everyone says, try not to worry - but when i had my scare a few weeks back i'd gone over the what-ifs a trillion times!!
Keep us posted, the waiting is truely agonising!!
Thinking of you,
Michelle

Hi Jenni, As Dr J says, it might be nothing. It is a pity that we have to rely on the knowledge of people on here, if what Liz has said could have been explained to you by you consultant, it could have saved you a lot of grief, it's a wonder the stress of waiting doesn't give us all a heart attack.

Thinking of you too

Angie

Hi Jenni,

Thinking of you as we are going through the same thing at the moment. Robert gets his results from his CT scan for his lump on Weds 21st Nov. It's difficult to remain logical at times like this, no matter what other people say to you.

Hope everything goes OK for you.

Lorraine

Hi folks,

I had the Ultrasound on Friday, and the Doctor said it was just thickening of the tissue on the right hand side due to the Radiotherapy. She couldn't find anything to take a sample from (fna) and told me it was nothing to loose any sleep over. I had been loosing sleep, and I went to the Doctors on Wednesday to get some sleeping tablets. The Doctor who did the Ultrasound said she would write a report for my consultant, and I'll go back next Friday to see him, but it was good of her to give me the good news early.

Thanks to everybody for their support.

Jenni

Phew!! Horray.

Good news Jenni

Mum
x

Ideal Jenni,result. Hagg.