Hi I too had my operation at Darlington by Mr Edge. Your right he is a wonderful chap who i owe my life to. He doesnt mess around with the truth he tells you straight. Its taking a while for my confidence to come back talking. Fortunately I work with understanding people. I hate using the phone still but im getting better. Take care.

Russ,

Appreciate your frustration though I have never minded repeating myself in fact encourage those I meet for the first time not to try to "guess" what I have said. Its a bit like completing a sentence for a stammerer, very rude.

However what brought it home to me was when I was giving my first presentaion post laryngectomy. I tried to present as I always did, a bit too fast and my volume ran out. So the organisers suggested I be miked up but the amplification was a disaster, I frightened myself with the sound of my amplified eosophagal voice let alone the delegates!!!!!

Some time later I had to delete messages on our answerphone and listening to one or two of mine realised that I could hardly understand what I was saying so understood the problems of listners.

I now speak slowly, deliberately sometimes will stop altogether if I feel my voice going and start again without prompting. My presentations are to small groups never exceeding 36 so I can cope without the dreaded amplification, but my audience in the main understand and enjoy my deliveries which just feeds my confidence.

Still get annoyed when those who cannot pick up my "frequency" terminate the call or refuse to pass me on to another person who may be more patient or receptive, but never make any formal complaints they are not deliberately being nasty: you can imagine what abuse some of those call centre people must have to take.

Tattie bye for noo, Alan

Hi Gang. I was at the gym the other day and someone who has been staring at me eventually asked me "Thats a queer looking scar on your arm how did you manage to get that?" When I told him he automatically thought I was a smoker. Why do people think that when you have cancer or are recovering from cancer you are a smoker? Hope this doesnt offend anyone if it does im sorry but it gets me annoyed sometimes.

Hi Russ,
I know what you mean. People automaticaly presume its something you've inflicted upon yourself!
I've never smoked, and only drank occasionaly. It's just one those things!
So i'm with you on ths one!
All the best,
Michelle

Hi Russ,
Your right, once you tell someone my husband has had tongue and throat cancer they immediately say 'did he smoke'. Well no, he hasn't had a cigarette for over 20 years and when he did smoke it wasn't often. He always enjoyed a beer especially when he was younger but again for many years we would only have a drink on the weekend. But reading all your stories of how rude people are, I just can't believe it, Darrel has a huge scar down his neck but because of the creasing in the skin you can't notice it too much, his speech can be a problem and he does have to repeat things quite often but he is learning to be patient with these things. We do live in a place on the Gold Coast in Australia which is on the ocean and people here see many different sights with people, how they dress, look, act etc and no-one pays attention to anything that might be a little different. Not to say there won't always be that one rude person who will come along!!!
My heart bleeds for you all, Clare your year with Uni must be so tough, my son coped by enjoying it with his friends, for you though having to deal with your scars would be so difficult. You have had to grow up so quickly but just think you will have so much wisdom as you grow older and those friends will come to you for the comfort of someone who will have wise words to say, kindness and understanding I see you as a special angel to help people.
Paul, you can come to Aus anytime you want and go windsurfing near our home, all just sit on the beach and watch, my husband and I would welcome you at anytime, the beach is very healing.
I wish you all the very best with your day to day routines and hope you will find peace somewhere in this.
Thinking of you all,
Your friend,
Tracey

HI All,

Russ, Chelle and Tracey folks mindsets are pre conditioned by folk like me I am afraid. Yes I did smoke from about 8 years old and actually smoked my last fag on the bus to the Hospital to get my Lary.

My wife still smokes but no longer in my presence which is a blessing, but we too know a few relatives who have died with cancer who never smoked in their life. I feel we who succumb are just unlucky, for I also know many smokers who have lived long and relatively healthy lives.

When I went into hospital, I was advised to reduce the volume of alcohol I drank, I never measured it but usually a nip as a nightcap at weekends,that is friday, saturday and sunday nights still do. They said my consumption was a contributory factor, who knows just breathing is dangerous today!!!

I use my experience to warn folk who do smoke that they may end up like me, including my wife and youngest son. But when I grew up smoking was the norm and a fashion accessory we had no idea the harm it was causing, although on reflection it is a no brainer, smoke contains a cocktail of toxins why would we want to ingest that into our bodies every day and many times a day voluntarily????

I have not smoked now for 12 years and feel the better for it, and my heart goes out to schoolkids I see who like me at that age smoke, but I hid my habit until I was fifteen, these modern children seem to flaunt it!!!!!

We survivors of cancer are all a little different from the norm and we should rebuke those who are untactful, but not judge them for if we do we are precisely the same as them. Until I had my Lary at the age of 46 I had only ever seen one other patient; that actor Jack Hawkins and that was just once the telly, but the memory stuck and his was the case I discussed with my consultant when I was diagnosed. Fortunately we are in a minority and are bound to attract attention, let us as Chelle does be firm with those who cannot begin to comprehend our battles, and educate rather than castigate them.

Cheers, Alan

Alan,
As usual your wise words make sense.
When i started treatment, every smoker in my family said it was thier wake up call and vowed to quit. Then they used the fact that i was so unwell to NOT give up after all! "Oh, i need it for all the stress & worry i'm going through" my mum would say! So how do all the non-smokers manage without nicotine in their times of stress??
So when i was well again i approached the subject & my mum said "oh, now i'm waiting until July 1st." I know they had good intentions - my partner smokes, my Mum, step Dad, Dad, Step Mum, younger sister are all smokers. & granted none of them will smoke around me - the smoke grates on my sensitive throat. But I didn't think it was fair to use me as an excuse to quit or not!
I say live and let live - but don't inflict it on others!
I would say it's true that EVERYONE knows smoking is bad for you, and they all have the "it would never happen to me" mentality. But it does. & As Alan says, education is the key - & everyone has the freedom of choice. But as with most things the buck lies with YOU - not your daughter/partner/friend that has cancer.
Michelle

Hi
I did not smoke
but blammed myself for being in a smokey pub standing behind someone with a lit cicarette burning smoke up my nose

i blammed this for my problems and myself

Dave

The worst thing that happened to me during Robs recovery was that i started smoking again.Not when he was diagnosed,or even during his surgery or treatment,but when he was 4 weeks post radiotherapy.The loneliness,the frustration,the hurt, the worry, his verbal aggression all combined to my horror, to me picking up that first cigarette and then the next until now,7 years after i gave up i am right back where i was on 40 a day.I am not proud of myself and every day i say i will stop again,but every day overwhelms me and i dont.Guess that makes me a real loser.

Liz

Liz
You are not a loser ive been thinking that everything was my fault and are seeing a pycoligist to help me

you have gone through a tramatic time and if smoking helps you to get through this time you can stop later

Take care
Dave and Sue

Hi there,

It annoys me when people stare at my neck when I am at the gym. People really gawk there. I found a good tactic is to catch their eye and give them a big smile, then they get embarassed and usually smile back.

Regarding the slurred speech, I have been going to speech therapy which seems to help, in that it makes me pronounce things a bit more forcefully and at a slower pace. Although it may be going a bit too far in that I am losing my soft Irish accent!

Redser

Hi Alan,
With everything that Darrel and everyone else goes through I worry that our middle daughter still smokes quite often. She is in the industry of being a Hairdresser which seems to go with the job, you don't eat much during the day but when you can you grab a smoke break!! I wish and pray with all my heart that she will give it up, she has watched her father go through so many things and pain with his I hoped it would make her give up, but No. Our older son and his girlfriend gave it up and haven't touched it since, Katherine is a married women and I'm hoping once she decides to have a baby she will give it up. I know when I say anything now she gets quite defensive about it.
Liz - you are not weak, with what you are going through trust me you do whatever it takes to help for now. I never smoked so I didn't have the urge to start - but - there were nights when I would come home and make the biggest scotch in the biggest glass I could find, and of course I would eat all the wrong things. So don't call yourself a loser, we all have demons to fight under high stress. This will be a very honest statement but maybe I should start that diet today???? (Pass the chocolate).
Take Care,
Tracey

Hi guys.

sorry this is a late addition. I smoked for England and enjoyed every last puff. I am from (I think) about the same era as Alan, when it was more or less compulsory to smoke when as well as being glamorous, (?) it proved to the world that we were invincible. (??)

After so many years. I never believed I could quit smoking, I tried everything, hypnosis, patches, acupuncture, aversion therapy, cold turkey etc., but I did. Paid the equivalent of a 3 weeks cigarette stock and went on an Alan Carr course for about 4 hours and never smoked again. www.allencarr.com

So don’t be too down on your relatives, friends (and Liz) who smoke. Seeing you in pain and distress will not necessarily make them want to stop because smoking is a powerful addiction, more potent than heroine or crack cocaine. Make them go one the course.

Angie