Hi All,
Today, 24.05.07, is my younger brothers big 40th. At the beginning of 2007 I had made big plans & had even taken the time off in my work-week to go up & visit him & his wife, two small children to stay for a few days. (He lives up in Glasgow, so not too close to Surrey! BUT a lovely "break away"!) The money all had been put aside for my ticket as well as his big present BUT then, ALL Those plans were thrown out of the window due to my financial position, after having to suddenly dash off to visit my older brother three weeks ago - the laryngectomee, in North Wales.

Being self employed, I let down a lot of customers too, by just shutting my doors & dashing off, at the end of April to try to “Help” my older brother & his Cancer problems. So I have had to try very hard to make up for all this, ever since I returned, working all the hours God gives us, to not only please the customers, (who often only look upon you as being the “Business that lets them down”,) but also to make up the finance to now cover the shops overheads for next week!!!!! ( The dreaded “First of the month.” Another worry that gets thrown at you every month, when being a shop owner & self-employed business-person!)

The biggest let down is that I still had to keep this time off, as I honestly thought I would be making "funeral plans". But I sit here now, still at home & feel so deeply depressed about NOT being able to be there, with “Little Brov” today on his BIG DAY! (All the members of this family as well as partners & their family members, have had BIG celebrations for this “Hill-climbing-point” in life, & I just feel that today I am letting the side down!)

Sorry Little Brother, I’ll make it up to you, very soon! Life throws too much at us at times, so I hope you understand!! Big Sis. xxx

I'm sure your younger brother would fully understand why you weren't able to be there and he would also be worried about your older brother going through what he is. I'm not sure what your business is but I hope you achieve something great this week which will make your end of month much better then what you think it will be.
I know this is hard to hear but stay positive and I'm sure somehow things will work out and send your little brother a picture of arms hugging him!!
Good Luck, Tracey

HI ANZ,

Somehow your name did not twig in my mind with your gender. However now I know that you are a lady your reactions are more understandable, a man such as I would be far more restrained in showing emotion or taking action. That said you have nothing to feel guilty about with respect to your younger brother, saddened obviously to miss out on the celebrations, but I am sure both your brothers will appreciate your love for them.

As for work and the business of just living well ANZ you must be congratualted for your imediate and selfless sacrafice to look after the situation of your ill brother, and for little thanks from memory.

I hope that your brothers do not make you feel that you have in any sense let them down or if they do they do so without malice but rather from ignorance of your motives. Carers like you are worth their weight in gold, the thought was there for your younger brother, even all the plans, you are gutted at having to miss the big event, and I am sure your younger sibling will take that onboard and make you even more welcome when you ultimately can facilitate that voyage North!!!!!!

Keep giving ANZ for we always reap what we sow. Alan

Thanks for those words of confidence.
Yes, I suppose being Female puts me into a different emotional bracket! SORRY.

It has been very difficult to sit through this AGAIN, as I witnessed my father with Cancer in 1987 - he was only 52 & I was only just into my 20's. And then my mother eight years after that. I have been self-employed since first leaving school in '80 & still keep the business afloat, BUT You still want to try to please all you can, and yes they usually understand that you cant do everything so some things HAVE to give. It is trying to convince YOURSELF that you are taking the right road or making the right decision, thats the hard part!! I do TRY to give as much as I can, to both brothers & more importantly, to MY Husband. But you feel very torn by the three at times, As they all mean the world - they are my world!

ANZ.

Hello Anz,

There is no need to apologise for being a woman, hope I did not offend: I think you are marvelous, we men "try" to be brave. It is only in the last year or so have I learned to open up and talk of my emotions, it has been a great help to me. Sorry to hear you have had this in the family before. I think I know what you mean about beating yourself up because you cannot give as much as you would want to. I hope that being here and talking has helped, Alan