Thanks to all who responded to my message on the "Introduce Yourself" area...I have been to see a Psychiatric nurse who has declared me mentally well !! I suppose i am going to have carry on being a grumpy bugger for a few years yet. Back to work now (part time) so thinks are looking up...Remember live life day by day appreciate the small things and discount the rest of the nonsense. Oh and does anyone know a decent supplier of Build Up soups and toothpaste that doesn't contain sodium laurylsulphate ? Boots only have chicken soup and i cant find the toothpaste anywhere...
Thanks loads and keep well. Phil

Hi Phil,
I'm not sure if you'll feel any better having had a professional tell you that you are mentally well. Maybe the nurse just means that after all you've been through it's not surprising if you feel down. I know I was furious when I read the Incapacity benefit doctors assesment of me, she said I was just sleeping all day because I was bored, and I had got into the habit of it. Not quite the case, I could hardly stay awake anywhere, I used to dash home quickly when I felt the urge to sleep coming on, and I was sleeping at least 15 hours a day. I don't know about you, but I got so used to feeling so bad for such a long time, that I thought I was back to normal in many respects, it is only as I continue to recover that I realise that I was still suffering from side effects from the treatment. I now recognise that I have a shoulder problem caused by the exit beam from the radiotherapy. Thinking back I was really concerned about the visibility in my car (a convertible) with the roof up, now that I can turn my neck better I can see that most of the problem was because I couldn't twist around. I also had problems pushing a supermarket trolley, so I used to take my son shopping with me, and although the doctor reported this in her report, she said it was just because I was fatigued (or in her eyes lazy) because I didn't explain things to her fully.
Phil if you are unhappy with the psychiatric nurses conclusion go back to your GP, sometimes the professionals can reach the wrong conclusion because they don't have enough time and don't ask the right questions. I'm sure it is worth discussing your problems with your consultant, and with the macmillan nurses, who may be able to offer you some advice.

Good Luck with the return to work. I'm also hoping to go back to work shortly, as I have been offered a new job, although I'm still waiting for a contract to arrive in the post. So maybe we can share the challenges we face in the next couple of months.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Jenni,

Hi Jenni, thanks for your kind words. I suppose the CPN was trying to say i wasn't suffering from depression but have the normal "why me"/"bitter"/"anger"/"sadness" feelings that all of us who have endured cancer go through. I will go back as he reckons he can help me come to terms with whats happened so i will go with an open mind and hopefully it will help.
I know when my dentist missed my tumour i lost a lot of faith in the professionals if you like but they are all we have so i suppose i'll have to make do meantime.
I'm sorry to hear of your poor experiences but hope everything is starting to get better. I have spent the afternoon lying in front of the tv watching rugby and football, am i lazy or do i need the rest ? I like to think the latter...My emploer has assigned an Occupational health person to me who reckons i should be back full time in 4 weeks. Ha ha, Seven months after having a major op, intensive chemo and radiotherapy which followed; i think not, but am i being lazy ? I think we know the answer...Anyway chin up (excuse the pun) and you'll be driving your convertible with the top down before you know it...
Keep in touch
Phil

Phil, no way are you lazy. I know that up until a few months ago I just burst into tears when anybody suggested going back to work. I found it so hard just to cope with life. A few months after the treatment ended I couldn't even manage my normal routine of getting up, having breakfast, showering and dressing without having to take a nap. One day last week I was up early, went to the hospital for my check up, popped into MacDonalds for some breakfast, went to the supermarket to pick up thew weekly shopping, came home and put it all away, then went out again (because I was bored at home) to look at bedding and curtain materials. This would have taken me all week a couple of months back.
It's really good news that your employer has got the occupational health people involved, it shows that they are taking your illness seriously. Make sure you keep them informed of how you are doing, as I think getting back to full time employment in a month is fairly optimistic. I'm sure they don't want you sighned off sick again with stress in a month or two, just because you tried to take on too much too soon.
Take it easy, and don't forget to ask friends and family for help when you need it.

Also do you take any nutritional supplements. I have recently been taking some multi-vitamins, because I thought that I wasn't getting a very well balanced diet because I still can't eat any fruit, and I find a lot of vegetables satill taste strange so I'm not eatting many. I'm also taking some tablets that are supposed to be good for the joints as I was suffering from quite a bit of joint pain. I think both of these may have helped my recent recovery.

Hi there, I too was told I am mentally sane by the Mental health team! Well if this is sane what does it feel like to go mad?
If you have read my postings lately 06 was a awful year for me and people kept saying "next year will be better" I SAID WHATS THE DIFFERENCE?
well went to see my Consultant for my 2 month check and hey, here we go again.

Biotene toothpaste the best you can get.


PAUL
I have two lumps on the back of my neck so have to have ultra sound and biopsy
Then whilst he was putting a camera down my nose to look at my throat he said "you have some (loose, fatty I cant remember) skin at the base of your toungue I dont know if its Cancer or not awaiting a PET scan for that.
AM SCARED TO TELL MY FRIENDS AS THEY THINK omg
hes had it this time and it must be hard for them to cope with all this.
I feel stunned shocked after 5 years in remission but I dont think why me or anything I just think I am VERY unlucky.

Paul,

So sorry to hear that you need some more investigations. When did you have your last appointment at the consultants, and when is the scan planned for? It's really scary waiting for the tests and the results, mentally I think this is one of the worst times in the process of cancer treatment. I hope everything works out OK for you.
Jenni

Hi Jenny, I went there last Friday I came out in total shock

I am still waiting for apointments.

I was told had two lumps on my neck (I knew had one) wating for Ultra sound and biopsy. Then the Dr put camera down my throat and whilst looking found I think he said loose tissue at the base of my tongue and he said "dont know if its Cancer or not" so waitying for a PET scan.
I am angry, confused and scared I dont know what to do with myself.
I made a will when I had the first operation 5 years ago but now my partner has gone Im have to make another and it scares me to do so, guess im supersticious.
I lost alot of friends to this dam Cancer and the two I have left I am scared to say anything as I told them but they dont mention it as I had so many biopsies in the early years.
I do think this time I am not going to be so lucky but cant cope with it all to be honest.
My GP Dr Bloor is fantastic I phoned on Friday put she is not in surgery again until Tuesday (today) so await a call from her.
It must be really hard on my Consultant Dr Kaleverous as one min hes saying happy new year the next he telling me bad news.

Well I dont know what else to say Paul

Hi Paul,

I'm not surprised you are feeling confused, the possibility of a recurrence is what I dread the most. I noticed that my neck was asymetrical, with a swelling on the side where I had the cancer, and I was a total wreck. The NHS couldn't give me a CT scan for three weeks, and I had already waited two weeks to see the consultant. I just couldn't stand it. Luckily we had the money for me to get the scan done privately, as I was cracking up. I think the time when you are waiting for investigations and diagnosis is really very hard mentally, as there is nothing you or anybody else can do at this point except wait, and I think your body must be buzzing with adrenalin, as you desperately want to do something to fight the fear. Hopefully your GP can help you, maybe she will prescribe some anti-depressants or sleeping tablets.

I hope you get your scan soon.
Good luck.
Jenni

I am so sorry to hear you have to wait yet again Paul for an is it or isn't it response. In fact I know you have had regular scares. Let's hope that is what this is. Jenni is right you must be on adrenalin overload.

Thanks for your support and encouragement .
I feel in limbo just now scared, confused,angry and quite low.
Just trying to get through each day is al I can do.

Paul

hi paul
i know exactly how you feel...... i cant sleep even the zopiclone the doc gave me only made me slightly tired so i dozed... but i have noticed i feel better when ive rested and the sore throat and aching come on gradual. i sincerely hope that things move along quickly for you.... with what you have been thro you desrve a break...... try and concentrate on getting yourself better and not think of what hasnt happened yet....very easy to say and damned hard to do as im trying to do just that.
take care paul
jeff

Thanks for your kind words Jeff, Well at the moment doing things I have promised myself,
Went and bought a new Flat screen TV on Saturday and its great for watching the nature programmes which I like.
I just take it day by day try to get out and go somewhere if only a walk up Oxford St, There is bargains around if you look and compare with prices before xmas but I always end up buying clothes I dont need but the Charity shop does well out of me.
Well im off out and its very windy and stormy today but who cwres.

Paul

Hello Paul--I am very sorry to hear that you are going through the horrible business of waiting again. Worst thing in the world. It is great that you feel fine walking around Oxford Street and finding bargains and mixing with the throng. I forget which poet it was who wrote
'He that is tired of London is tired of life'.
So you are NOT suffering from depression or you wouldn't bother watching these amazing nature programmes (I have an ancient 16in) or ransacking the charity shops. I spend hours soprting out new things from charity shops and bin b ags to take to the Salvation Army. My favourite clothes charity as they go to the really destitute.
The very best of luck, Paul. I am just getting over a bout of bad depression about being stuck with this electrolarynx which makes it impssible virtually to chat to old friends on the phone. My favorite activity wiped out. And they are not all on the internet.
Thinking of you with hope
Rosalie (ishbel)

well I am depressed very thst why I go ut to forget.
Having Ultra sound Monday and biopsy of lumps on neck . Still waiting for PET scan



Paul

Paul,
I read your story when I was diagnosed, back in November. I'm sorry to read now that you are having such a difficult time; I am thinking of you and hoping for good news for you.
Georgia