WELL ANOTHER VISIT TO THE DOCTOR, ONCE AGAIN I AM DOING "GREAT". IF THIS IS GREAT THE I WANT WONDERFUL, FANTASTIC,AWSUME, I HAVE A WONDERFUL DOCTOR THO,,HE IS SO SINCERE AND HE SITS WITH ME, READS EVERYTHING I HAVE WROTE DOWN,,I AM JUST NOT SEEING A CHANGE IN MY FACE, MY LEG WERE THE BONE WAS REMOVED TO REBUILD MY JAW.. THEY LOOK THE SAME TO ME,,I TAKE PICTURES AND I LOOK THE SAME. IT IS LIKE EVERYDAY I WAKE UP, I AM STUCK IN YESTERDAY..I HAD NO IDEA THAT IT WOULD TAKE SO LONG TO HEAL,,BUT WITH RADIATION TWICE,,A LIFETIME DOSE, THE TISSUE IS SO DAMMAGED,,BUT ONCE AGAIN I HAD NO IDEA HOW LONG...AND I AM SO TIRED OF THIS,,IT HAS ALREADY BEEN A YEAR SINCE THE CANCER CAME BACK,,THEN THE LONG WAIT AND THE WASTED TIME WITH THE RADIATION IMPLANTS,,TO THE MAJOR SURGERY IN FEB,2004,,14 HOURS LONG,,,THEY TOLD ME THAT I HAD A 30% CHANCE OF MAKING IT THRU THE SURGERY SINCE I WAS SO UNDERNURISHED AT THAT TIME,,IT HAS BEEN HELL ON EARTH FOR ME,,AND TODAY WAS NO DIFFERENT. I WILL NOT GIVE UP OR GIVE IN,,THESE ARE JUST THE THOUGHTS OD SOMEONE JUST WANTING TO SCREAM AND CANNOT, ,,I HAVE NO VOICE AT THIS TIME,,,I HAVE THIS TRACHE THAT IS ABOUT TO DRIVE ME CRAZY,,BUT THE SWELLING HASN'T COME DOWN ENOUGH TO REMOVE IT YET, ,MY FAMILY IS HAVING THERE ANUAL FAMILY REUNION IN OKLAHOMA, WE HAVE HAD THIS FOR THE LAST 38 YEARS,, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I WILL NOT BE THERE AND I AM HEARTBROKEN ABOUT THIS HOWEVER I AM PROUD TO STILL BE HERE AT ALL,,LORD THERE IS SO VERY MUCH THAT GOES WITH THIS "CANCER". IT ISNT JUST AN OPERATION AND YOU ARE BACK TO YOUR LIFE,,IT ISNT A PILL AND FEEL BETTER,,I AM BROKEN AND I AM WONDERING IF I WILL EVER BE FIXED. :worried: ..THANKS FOR LISTENING,,FED UP TODAY, PRAY TOMORROW WILL BE BETTER,,,VICKI LYNN IN NEVADA

It sounds as if you are having a lousy year rather than a lousy day Vicki.

It's hard to comfort you. I always feel a fraud when I am on here and know the pain others are going through. Other people's problems make me think my own are lightweight by comparison. But like you when I have them they seem very real and that feeling of oh not agin what now clouds over.

Having had pain I do know you think, will it ever ease up, will it ever just be a little less sore, a bit less swollen.

I expect you have terrible thirst problems. I know with just a slight increase to a summertime temperature here in England my thirst problem hits the roof again. So to have had radiotherapy twice I bet you feel totally dehydrated all the time. To help you would be very satisfactory, but there is nothing I can say other than be posititive and tomorrow really is another day trite as it may seem.

Do you ever do that self ranking out of 10 on how bad you feel either by pain or mentally. Make alittle chart and rate yourself today and see if any days this next week you feel differently.

Take care
Pauline

HELLO PAULINE,,HOW DID YOU KNOW??? I DO HAPPEN TO HAVE A CHART,,,IT HELPS TO REMIND ME WHEN I GET TO FED UP THAT I AM HAVING MORE UPS THAN DOWNS,,BUT THOSE DOWNS,,WOW,, THEY ARE WAY WAY DOWN,YOU WOULD THINK AFTER 3 TIMES WITH THIS I WOULD BE A PRO, BUT I AM NOT FOR EACH TIME HAS BEEN DIFFERENT AND WORSE THAN THE TIME BEFORE,, I THANK YOU THO FOR YOUR INPUT,,WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER AFTER ALL..I CANNOT DRINK ANYTHING BY MOUTH YET, BUT YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT BEING THIRSTY,,THE FEEDING TUBE IS OPEN MORE THAN IT IS SHUT,,SEEMS LIKE,,TAKE MUCH CARE AND THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN FOR WRITING,,ALWAYS VICKI LYNN