Hi guys

Since Chemo and RT my emotions have been all over the place.up down crying not all the time

Has anyone else expierienced this

Dave and Sue

I had a neck dissection oct 2004 followed by 33 sessions of RT which finished dec 22 of that year.The side effects were extremely painful/uncomfortable Depression set in badly and I was just waiting to die - but I didn't. I stayed up all night watching sky tv. On the internet and on antidepressants. Eventually I began to pick up.
I remember having one or two tearful moments in my garden sat there by myself contemplating God knows what. I enjoyed doing some gardening that summer. Eventually normal life resumes- which is all I wanted.

best wishes Tony K

Tony
Thank i know its just a matter of time

Feel much better than this time last week
Good to hear you doing well
Dave and Sue

Dave and Sue,
of course we have all felt the same. We have to deal with so much-for me it was being "brave" in front of my family (I'm crying now, I don't know why!) Whenever I was alone I had a good sob I actually think it does you good- releases the pressure! I am exactly a year on from diagnosis and feel very positive for my future but it still doesn't stop me from having my dark moments. You are still under alot of medication which in itself can cause down moments. (stopped crying now)Think of how you were a month ago and you will realise how far you have come. Just looking at the weather for tomorrow Yuk! I was going to play golf - looks like a day of catching up with housework instead!
Anne

Hi David, Susan& Anne, Yes the emotions sure do go on a roller coaster ride
I am like many not sure what comes from where, Is it the surgery,how I feel emotionally now, How I look now or the rest of the things going on at the same time.
I think the last 6 years are the worst in my life both physically and emotionally BUT with one day at a time enjoying the day and some great guys on RDOC I am a much hapier guy now and could not without reading people posting of HONESTY of how things are for them I would not be here.

Have a good day guys

Paul

Hi all,
There is no doubt that emotions do go haywire and I do as Anne says put up a brave front. Its been seven years since I last ate solids or even sipped a drop of water. At times,I feel I am a dead man walking but cannot express myself in public or in private (in front of my family). Coming from an Army background my father trained me to always keep my emotions in check and never let the left hand know what the right is doing. The only time I really broke down in the last seven years of this hell was about a month ago when I was alone at home but had cried enough to get my emotions in check before my family came back. So many of you'll gave me a lot of support and thats something I will never forget. But yes - even though deep down I am shattered, I never ever let on my true feelings and never ask for sympathy. Its my fight and I have to fight it alone - so why make someones elses life depressing by showing my actual emotions? The only condition that I have laid down is that I should never ever be taken to a hospital and whatever happens - just let it as there is nothing left to worry about - I have hit rock bottom. My body has be abused and hit so much that pain no longer a worry. I have had so many infections that I really do not care for anything that may happen. However, I still carry on with my normal daily activity of running my four kilometres every morning and hitting the gym for an hour every evening. This is not because anything good is going to come of it but its just something that I enjoy and I feel relaxed.

Hi Ananth
Thanks for responding
I try to brave for my wife and family but this time the cancers returned i have took it badly

But are getting stronger

But sometimes just cant help it

Dave and Sue

Dear David and Sue,
I can see how tough a lady Sue is standing by your side through all the ups and downs. Its not just strength she displays but also her love for you. As long as Sue is there to back you up - you already have an army to fight out the war ( and not the battle ) and win it for once and for all. I am an eternal optimist and look upon each cancer patient as one who knows how to fight the odds. Some give up, others fight and thats the way it is.
The mere fact that you post such wonderful posts shows the grit and determintaion that you both have.
At times even when I think back, I too get into a pensive but not depressed mood and just try to think how life would have been if I had not contracted the illness. Thats just for some time till logic sets in and I see the clock - I know I can never reverse it and even as I write this post I am using time (though usefully) which will never return. Keeping that in view and the riches I have found in both my sons are far more then anything I could have asked for. I honestly think I have been kept alive to see both of them grow into good human beings and doing well in this world.

There's no shame in having a cry! My emotions were all over the place! Sometimes i felt guilty for crying, because everyone says you have to be positive and i felt like i was letting myself down. I didn't cry much during treatment. I cryed the day i was diagnose. & i cried durin my second chemo cycle., But it was when treatment was finnished it hit me worse. I cried and sobbed in hospital. I thought that was it! That my life had been reduced to this half existance and i could see no way out. I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up again. I couldn't sleep and would cry through the night. & the tomorrow would be a better day and i couldn't see why i despaired so much. I dont cry so much now. I do feel sad for how much my lifes changed and all the dissabilitiesd i've been left with. But i can't change it now so oh well! I'm moving on!

Don't feel guilty Dave
Michelle

Hi Guys
Ananth
Lovely words

Michelle
I think most of us must go through similar things
That why i like this forum it shows that we are not alone in what we are doing or feeling

Dave and Sue

Good Morning Everyone,
Just thought I would let you know that Darrel and I still cry, although I think I do more then Darrel at the moment things are hitting me hard now since his treatment has stopped and I'm not rushing around as much. Darrel stays strong for ages and then every now and then the pain or stiffness or something hits him and he gets a little down, in fact just this morning he was so sad and sore I just gave him a big hug, which I would like to send big hugs to all of you, David, Sue, Chelle,Paul, Ananth and all the other lovely courageous people out there big, big, hugs from the land of Aus!
David the best of luck to you, you and Susan are just so lovely and I know you will be alright.
Regards to all, Tracey

Thank you Tracy

We still have a cry sometimes over nothing just cant stop it

Saturday night we have a programme called grease lighting were they are casting for the lead role in the musical

Well one of the contestants sang the areo smith song which i posted as part of one of these forums

The tears wetre streaming down both our faces

At the begining i did bottle it up but no more

If it happens it happens

I know how Darrel is feeling i was the same this morning just something sets it off

They are getting to be less reqular and not lasting as long

Keep strong the 2 of you

Dave and Sue

does anyone have psychological help for the way that they feel if so what help

Hi Bev

I have been referred to a psychologist by my consultant my first appointment is 5 June, don't know what to expect but willing to give it a try if it will help.

Dave

Dave & Sue

I went to my sister's father in law's funeral on Friday, I wasn't particulary close to him it was more out of respect and to support my sister. The service was dreadful, the priest stuttered and stammered, spoke to his feet and couldn't remember the name of the deceased, so it wasn't very moving (and as an ex nursing home owner consider myself almost a professional mourner). Then my brother in law got up and read a verse about not seeing his face he again and I just lost the plot. My nephew put both his big arms round me and hugged me tight which made me worse. My close familiy were around me so hope no one else noticed, they would think I was nuts besides I have so much to be thankful for.