Hope you all have a Healthy and Happy New Year?
Cathy

And a very happy New Year to you, Cat, and everyone here.
I am feeling very worried and out of it, having just been told that I have to have a total laryngectomy. I am so frightened at the prospect of a world without being able to communicate although I know so many o0f you have been through this without comlaining, and much worse.
It is odd that my throat cancer was first diagnosed virtually six years ago exactly. I sailed through the first five years. No problems. And then in the last year I have been finding eating and speaking getting a bit dodgy.
While having my oesophagus stretched a couple of weeks ago some biopsies were taken. I had to go in before the original date, a couple of days ago, to be told that the cancer had come back in a different part of the larynx, and a total laryngectomy had to be done.
After more CAT this wweek it will be decided whether I have the stomach push-up thing or the one wich involves making a flap with skin from my arm. And at least a month in hospital for goodness sake.
Any info would be most welcome. When I was tld the news I went quite numb. And scrolling through the internet I have seen some things about counselling etc which are just too scarey to pursue.. My family are being so wonderful that I don't deserve it and am trying not to show them my fear. Here I can be myself. Sorry for being such a craven cowa\rd but the idea of losing my voice has filled me with grief. It has been my passport to learning many languages and travelling the world and making friends.
I need a mantra. I need to think of these poor stricken diasaster victims. How I hope Dr Joshi's family has not been affected in any way. Or any of you here.
I so look forward to anything you can tell me but please leave out the really grisly bits!
Best regards to everyone and may 2005 be a good year for you. Last night I was dancing the Eightsome Reel at a Hogmanay party and ddnt tell anyone about the Damoclean sword hanging over my head! Ishbelxxx

dear Ishbel
My husband had a total laryngectomy in June ( see Paul Sankey's story for full details).Spent 3 days after the op in intensive care, then back on the ward. It's really not as bad as you think, he communicates by writing everything down and sign language. You can have a valve fitted to enable you to talk, we weren't offered it at the time i think because he wasn't expected to survive, but i do know people who've had it done & most of them you can't even tell there is any difference to normal speech. Probably the worst part is learning to cough through the stoma, once you've mastered that its ok. The nurses will do it for you the first few days, they suction everything out of the stoma. Paul doesn't seem to have any problem breathing, just remember to use a nebuliser on the stoma regularly, you need to moisten the air going in or else the secretions get very hard and difficult to cough up.You certainly find out who your friends are, some people have been brilliant, others stay away, but you will get used to it i promise. Our 9 year old son brings his friends in to see his dad breathing out through his neck!
Any questions please just ask
good luck
jennie Sankey

Dear Jennie--thank you very much indeed for the info about your husband which has given me a lot of encouragement. I will read his story when I am mentally up to it but am still in a state of shock after my news when I thought I was doing so well with my eating, and singing carols and so on. It must be just great for you having Paul with you and doing so well after fearing the worst.
Thank you again and best wishes to you both. Ishbel

Hello Ishbel... A Guid New Year To You And All. Sorry I have not been on computer lately due to family staying.

What a terrible terrible shock for you. You know I wonder if we should not have more scans as a matter of routine, rather that wait until our appointment at the clinic, just for us to mention... I think something is not quite right - hoping the reply will be "Thats only normal" ... Who knows...

I can only say keep up that strong Scottish spirit (Not the liquid kind) that you have been doing all along and you will cope with all the nasties thrown at you.

Thinking of you.

Rosemary

Hi Ishbel, I will pray on you. I can't imagine losing my voice. Please e-mail me anytime. Must log off as we have a bad storm outside. I'm so sorry for you.
Love, Cathy

My Dearest Ishbel, I don't know what to say to you. My dear sweet friend. I know that when I could not talk for 9 months,it was horrible for me. I will not lie to you. I cannot imagine them to tell me that I will never speak again. I just cannot. I, like you, would be beyond afraid. I would be in constant tears. For this is who we are. Our voice is what has sailed us thru all the happy and sad times in our lives. I still cannot talk like I once did and I doubt that I will ever again. I do have some tho. Oh my dear sweet Ishbel how in the world does this happen. You talk to me, email me, you poor it all out. proudokie@excite.com. I know I needed someone when I couldn't speak and until I found this site, there was no one. I wanted to just die. I mean it. I couldn't tell anyone here because all they would say is that it didn't matter because I was alive. I asked my sister what would you do if this were you. After that she only listened, she didn't say anymore of those things that we don't want and can't stand to hear. Like it is no big deal, you can always do this or that...We know this,,but we cannot deal with those things right then.,.We need to vent, We need to tell someone how we feel...Not to be told how to feel. NO ONE WOULD LIKE TO HEAR THE WORDS THAT ALL OF US HAVE HEARD. NO ONE. I am in tears here trying to think of some thing to say that would ease this for you,,nothing comes to mind. For I know if this were me,,,no words would help..except a doctor saying , I have great news..we were wrong...those are the only words that I can think of that would make any difference in the world at this time...I am thinking of you, my dear, I am praying like never before that a miracle will happen and fast for you....all my love and friendship today and allways,,,Vicki Lynn

So sorry to hear this Ishbel. I can imagine how devastaed you must be feeling. You are in good hands and probably have been seen by the right people, being in the system. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Dear Ishbel I can't imagine how you must be feeling but want to add my support and prayers to those already sent. I remember my brother saying he has a friend who he goes jogging with every morning and he has had that operation - (my brother lives in Brisbane so I don't know this person) Apart from the obvious it doesn't seem to hinder his way of life. (I don't expect you to take up jogging!!!) Just want to give you a positive vibe. Regards B.

Dear Brenda,...how nice of you to find time to write to me in the middle of your own worries. What you said to me gave me the same uplift you had when somebody had had the same lung worries as you. And if it's any help, so do I worry about that. The lungs take a bit of a bashing with al the mucus and the coughing but it usually turns out to be an infection. Did I mention that it ws found that all my liquids were going down the lung passage and now everything, especially water! has to be thickened.
What a life. No disrepect to dear Dr J but although we are all 'students' we are going to end up feeling like doctors with all the bits of knowledge we have picked up.
The rtouble for me is that with this horrible laryngectomy looming I am getting too much informaton and my surgeon has advised me not to pre-plan anything as each case is an unknown and different.
But it is just comforting having hands to hold outside the family. I don't want to overload them and cause compassion fatigue.
It is the poor innocents in Asia who know what real suffering is. What they would give to have a problem as small as mine.

Regards and God bless Ishbel..

Ishbel, You my dear are going to be fine. Your life will of course take a new twist and turn but you will still be the wonderful, kind, sweet, loving, caring and beautiful person that we have all come to know, respect, love and care about. You have a heart of GOLD. I was told once that it is not what you say in life it is what you do. Even tho I could not speak for 9 months and still have a difficult with speech, I was still able to put my arms around my family and friends and do the things for them that I wanted to do.....With that said, how are you holding up? If you need to vent I am here, always for you....proudokie@excite.com or aol messenger proudokie46----Vicki Lynn