I Posted a couple months ago about Ray having a tumour in his ascending colon exactly one year after tongue cancer.Sadly he passed away on monday aged 64, after surgery to remove the tumour,all sorts of complications occurred including kidney failure, and sepsis,this was a super fit man up to last year and he came through the tongue cancer & radiotherapy so well. Such a tragic waste I am shattered

Carol,
My heart and thoughts are with you, I know your pain. My husband also passed away from scc of tongue 17 months ago aged 36yrs... Time is the only healer. Take comformt in your friends and family. Take care of yourself at this time.

One person said to me. Never shed a tear for the passing of the sun, as it will block your view of the stars.... at that time in my life it did not make sense. But in time it did...

kind regards
Moira

Dear Carol...

I don't have the words to express what I feel upon reading your sad news, but please know that my heart aches for you, and your family. I am quite sure that, just like me, you have feared the death of the person you so dearly love many times... even after remission was achieved, ever since the initial diagnosis of cancer... but it is still such a shocking jolt I am so sure. The fear of recurrence/death just seems to become part of life as we know it. Sometimes I am consumed with the "bad" thoughts, even though my husband (also tongue cancer) is in remission (1.5 years out). Yet, we try to live normally and hold out hope... despite statistics and recurrence possibilities. You are now living what every caregiver on this website deeply fears, whether they admit it or not... and I am so very sorry. It could be me in your shoes... It may yet be me in your shoes. When one of us loses the loved one that we have so desperately and tirelessly helped through the horrendous ordeal of cancer... and prayed with all our heart and soul would remain cancer free... It effects and devastates us all. The fear hits home even harder... and becomes even more real. Please know, Carol, that all the caregivers (and survivors) on this website share in your pain. I took a few moments to look back at some of your old posts and learned a bit about Ray from your words... A good man he most certainly was... who took good care of you. When you said "tragic waste"... I so agree. Good men should never suffer. Ray will live on forever in the hearts of all who dearly love him, Carol. I am deeply sorry for your loss.

Love,

Melanie

Dear Carol,

I share your sadness. I have never lost my partner - she was in danger of losing me but so far we are both here.

I can only offer you sympathy, support and the thought that you can cherish and remember what you had together. Each of you contributed to what you are today.

Ray will not be forgotten, nor will those of us who belong to this goup forget him or you.

May you build on your love and memories to carry you through this terrible time. In the end you both win - for the good time you had together when he was strong and vital, and for the time you had together as you supported him in his struggle against the implacable enemy we are all fighting.

Philip

Carol,

You are right to be angry, there is no "reason" for this. I hope that you are not alone and have both family and friends who can support you through your grief, yes it is its own journey.

We can blame and blame is natural when we are seeking a reason where none perhaps exists. 64 is no age today and you must feel cheated of what is for many people the age of peace and contentment to observe the developing lives of our families which brings its own joys. I pray that this still awaits you.

Get rid of your anger as you see fit and as soon as possible that you may revert to living your life as Ray would have wished, happy and secure in his love which cannot be diminished or extinguished by death, for love is spiritual and glues souls together forever. When you are alone and grieving Ray shall through the power of your love and his still be with you comforting, supporting you will feel this in your soul. I know that it will not eliminate the loneliness but the comfort shall be a balm to make bearable the pain.

God be with you, and all who remain after Ray, DWR

Dear Carol, I am so sorry to hear that your darling husband has finally lost his fight with cancer. Both of you have fought so bravely and Ray recovered so well after his mouth cancer - only to be hit by yet another cancer...

Can I join with the others in sending you love and prayers in the hope that you will find peace and strength in remembering the happy times you have shared, and (as has already been said) love never dies. What you and Ray shared can never be taken from you.

When you feel strong enough please let us know how you are in the weeks and months to come. You will still be grieving the loss of your father so try to be kind to yourself, taking small steps as slowly as you need to. God bless you Carol. Brenda x