Well guys here i am one year on,still putting one foot in front of the other,still tryig to adjust to my new normal with out the big fella.
Its not the same,but i have many blessings not least of which are my two beautiful grandaughters Josie and Georgina.No matter how sad i get,they make life worth sticking around for.Funny how Georgina has a shock of flame red hair just like Robins and his daughters it makes me smile every time i see it.
My other great blessing has been the unwavering friendship and support of my two other families,on this forum and the OCF forum where i seem to have spent far too much time mentoring too many women going through the dreadful experience of caring for and losing their terminally ill husbands.Funnily enough i dont find it depressing although it grieves me that so many have passed through my life in the last twelve months,i actually get a huge amount of satisfaction from the fact that Robs death was not completely pointless if my experiences can help someome else,and it is ironic that my dear friend Alan(dancing with roses),whos support last year was invaluable,lost his own wife on the 1st anniversary of Robs death.

Unfortunately the curse of this damned cancer hasn't done with my family yet it would seem.Robins brother Paul,who has been so depressed since Rob went,has been missing from home for one month now.He attempted to hang himself a while ago,and then he just walked out of the house during the night leaving his phone,keys and money,and hasn't been seen since.His stepdaughter has set up an appeal page on facebook called PLEASE HELP FIND MY STEPDAD-PAUL READ It has received 1071 hits so far all from people who are now keeping an eye out for Paul,but the police are not hopeful of a good outcome.I fyou get a spare minute to look at the page we would be grateful.

September 1st is the day for the final stage of the fitness to practice hearing against Robs dentist.I have to give evidence on the second day (tues 2nd)and we will hear the comittees findings on sept 3rd.He has already been found negligent and this stage is to decide if he will be punished .So i am getting the train down to the smoke and will meet Robs cousin Dave in London,as he has kindly offered to come and hold my hand.My last task for robin and the completion of the promise i gave him to see this through to the end.

To any who thought i had used and left this group,i choose to use private messages to keep in touch with old friends,as the site moves on and sees new people step up to the plate,supporting each other,and no one wants to get support from people whos story was not a success,thankfully,unlike OCF there havent been that many sad endings here,a tribute i feel to our health service,so lots and lots of reasons to be positive in the continued fight against this most awful of cancers.

I have been working as a volunteer at a hospice for the last 7 months.I dont come in to direct contact with patients,but the two days a week i work as an admin assistant in the press deparment has helped me piece my life back together so much ,and spurred me on to get my 21stone body back in to shape.In the last 5 months i have lost 80 lbs,and feel like a new woman.I just wish my dear mate was here to see me i know he would have been made up to have the old liz back.But the old liz has gone forver and i am getting used to the new 2008 version,a little older ,a lot wiser,bloodied and battered by the last two years events,but still here.

To all of you still caught up in this the hardest of battles i wish you continued success,never give up,as they say its not over till the fat lady sings.

love liz

Hi Liz

Good to hear from you. Your input to the site is still invaluable. Sorry to hear there has been no news of Paul. Personally I think you have done Bl**dy marvellous. Your hospice job, seeing through the case with the dentist,Rob's brother & WOW 80lbs weight loss, that's fantastic.

good luck with the hearing.

Love Mum
xxx

Hi Liz
What a great, heartfelt post. Well done to you who was totally shattered just one year ago. Life moves on and you have proved that through the pain and uncertainty, we can also move on.
I'm so sorry to hear Rob's brother is still missing and wish you all well in finding a happy ending in spite of contrary expectations.
I can fully understand what you say about moving on from the board and making way for the 'newies' because Trevor and I both felt we were in a different place as well. That being said, I felt totally at ease expressing my thoughts, concerns and fears here the minute Trevor seemed to be in trouble again. Also like you, I have hesitated to put my words down because what we are hearing is not what others may need or want to read. Through past love and support both given and recieved on the forum though I knew there would be someone who wanted to know what was happening and also to keep us afloat and I was right. Little did I know that we would have such overwhelming support. This forum has been my lifeline for the last month and I cannot express my gratitude to you all. It has also been hugely comforting to Trevor.
There have been times too when I felt perhaps I didn't have the 'right' or shouldn't be too upfront because I was not the one with the dreaded 'c'. However as carers we have a distinct need to have a voice as well since the trials and tribulations of our loved ones are also our own ~ different and yet the same.
Congratulations on your successes Liz, in all areas of your life. Good luck with everything you undertake and don't even consider dropping off my radar!
Love
Deborah

Hi honey

thanks for the kind words.No chance of us losing touch,and thats a promise.The news about Trev was the second worst news i have had lately.MACLEODS DAUGHTERS HAS BEEN AXED!!!!!!

Liz and Debs

You are both amazing ladies and have offered support to others on here more times than I can count.

love to you both.

thanks winnie

i am going on local radio on friday to talk about robins illness and about mouth cancer awareness week.

Which Radio station ?

Hi Liz, sorry to hear about Robins brother, I hope you get some news soon. Well done on the weight loss, that's amazing. Take care, Hagg.

Hi Liz,

I joined the group on Facebook but received an email requesting I leave as it was being closed.

Love Chloex