hi
after reading all the posts here i realise what a miserable wimp i a have been....... i'm not even diagnosed and cant even imagine how most are feeling..... i take my hat off to everyone here and heres to you pete .... you have helped me understand not just myself .but others a bit better

good luck to all

jeff

Jeff - don't be hard on yourself. Worry is worry and can eat away at the soul. If you fret too much - and we have all done it, within 24 hours its easy to have self diagnosed a compendium of not one but a dozen diseases particularly with Google just a click away.

I only have to see a minor symptom and have to give myself a good talking to again and use the watch and wait routine. Albeit I only watch a week or so, but many things do resolve in that time.

With all your existing health problems I think it's understandable that you are concerned. As we get older we know chances are that there may really be a new ailment. Let's hope your barium meal sorts out a diagnosis and some help for you.

I think many of us here mostly feel very happy to be alive even on bad days and many will tell you there are still lots of great days.

Great to here you have come through Pete even with some downsides.

Hi Jenni and all:
Back in 2004 I wrote a pitying...pitiful letter. My marriage was ending and I thought I was suicidal. In 2007 I updated, feeling better. I discovered I'm not really suicidal.Frankly, I have hundreds of morphine tabs and just as much oxycodone. Suicide would be easy.
But things are different. I'm not better physically: my tenth oral surgery(invasive) in two weeks, and total colon removal in two months. But not suicidal. Yes, marriage ended, and surgeries,particularly the colon, bother me. My oral surgery is, well, lucky. For the tenth surgery, as before, they can shave and cut, delaying radiation and chemotherapy for when I really need it. Nine years now.
What bothers me is loneliness. I'm pretty healthy, and not much disfigured. Actually some say I'm goodlooking.
Yet now I'm bothered because of the impact the colon removal will have. I worry about having meaningful relationships, I worry about scars. However, some say I can regain my physical health. I love hiking, dancing, and, yes, intimacy. I can handle most of this stuff now, I just would like to hear from people who have had colons removed(yes, they can put an interior bag in later on). You know, once I was a cop and discovered I couldn't talk about things unless they were other cops. The same with cancer and other things like the colon. Temporarily abled people are like, yuck...too much info. Hence the loneliness, and feeling like a whiner. It's a lousy thing because I'm a people person starting to feel like a shut in, a recluse.

Link: JustPete's letter