A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named
Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HelOOOooo," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

A special swimming tournament is about to take place:

For the tournament, the participants include a guy without arms, one without legs, one with just a torso, and... just a head. Starting pistol goes off, everyone goes forward, but the head sinks right away. After the event, reporters ask: What did you count on? "Well, see," the head says, "I've spent seven years in training to use my ears... but those idiots put a swimming cap on them."


:coffee: (sputtered all over) :lol:

well here goes my contribtion.

Little Tommy in the Living romm playing with his train set while Mum is listening in the Kitchen
To mums horror she hears Tommy saying " this is Victoria hurry up and get off, come on we have not got all day"

His mum goes in to the room and said Tommy" have you not rememberd the manner I taught you" go to "bed for 2 hours and dont come down until you do.

2 hours later Tommy comes down and his Mum listens in the Kitchen to Tommy playing with his train set
Welcome to Victoria please mind the step, have a good day Ladies and gentleman "

His Mum thinks that nice hes leart his lesson

Litle Tommy then adds" if you want to know why the train is 2 hours late ask the Cow in the Kitchen"

Paul

Too funny Paul, thank you guys for the laughs, we needed them... Vicki

glad you could understand it

Paul

The 3 Macho Mice

quote:

---

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at
night, trying to impress each other about how tough they are.

The first mouse throws down a shot of bourbon, slams the empty glass onto
the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie
on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it
in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then
make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila, drinks them down one after
the other, slams both glasses onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and
replies, "Oh yeah? When I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take
it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I
can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.

The third mouse finishes the beer he has in front of him, lets out a long
sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. Gotta
go home and have sex with the cat...."

---

:yikes: