Hello,
My name is Marie and my husband has tongue cancer. He has had his tongue removed and rebuilt with his tummy. Twenty one lymph nodes were removed and came back negative, which means no chemo. Radiation is starting after the holiday and 3 teeth are coming out. The tube feeding is still in his nose from the first surgery and he doesn't seem to have the right attitude to try eating the old way.

Tim is only 43 and generally was in good health. He was a smoker and a heavy drinker on and off. He hates the way the rules of life have changed and I'm having a hard time helping him get on and over the bumps and learn to eat a new way.

I also am concerned that he is drinking again. I'm not sure because I can't tell if its fatigue or something else creating the changes.

His white cell count is down and I was wondering if that would make someone dizzy?

I'd appriciate any coments.
Thanks,
Marie

Hi Marie
Welcome from another relatively new girl. I'm in more or less the same situation { see Paul Sankeys story}. Paul still has a drink, my attitude now is let him do whatever makes him feel better. He also went through a phase of being very negative about anything, & was also extremely weak for a long time. What can I tell you? Hang on in there, do whatever you can to keep him positive & fighting, e-mail me if you want to chat, this site is brilliant, makes you feel you're not on your own
Jennie x

Thanks for the info. It's very hard to let go. I feel that he doesn't want to fight as hard as I do. They also think they are in this alone. It's not a one person thing, I feel just as trained.

Marie

Marie, Hello to you and WELCOME TO RDOC. The one site that no one wants to belong to...LOL...Seriously it sounds as if Tim is having some hard times emotionally. I can tell you this it does seem like we are alone in this. I mean we "FEEL" the pain, we are the ones who cannot eat, we are the ones that can't talk right, we are the ones who people stare at, these are all happening to "US". Let me also say this, this is almost as bad on the CANCER patient as it is the family. It is a catch 22. Our lives are "FOREVER" changed. This is a fact that is very hard to swallow...PLEASE BELIEVE ME. He needs to stop the "HEAVY" drinking. Lord he has enough problems no need to make more.If he is taking pain pills,,well that is a big NO NO. We tend to slide into "pity buckets" is what I call them. It is the time of the day, week or month that we just flat out feel sorry for ourselves. When that time comes , just hush go do something else to keep you busy. Because there is not a single thing in this world to make him happy or see the light...NOTHING. It is normal to have them however it is not normal to live in one. Hell you have oral CANCER, OKAY!!!!! Now what? None of us like this.But there is not a thing we can do about it, just try to stay focus and have only postitive people around us. That is you. You are doing all that you can, the rest is up to him. Sorry but that is how it is. You can walk with him but you can't walk for him...So try not to worry yourself about all this just be there for him which you are already doing. Don't be to hard on yourself there okay? We are all here if you need to talk, scream, vent or cry. This is what this site is all about..I wish you the very very best,,God love you, Merry Christmas{{{{{Vicki Lynn

You have all been great, I'm haveing a hard time letting go. To night he had to have beer. I'm so sick of the promises broken over the last eight years, he says this has changed him but I have my doubts.

I guess it's time I live my own life.

Hello Marie, just to say I am thinking of you, it must be very painful for your man to drink, I have had a sip of wine it was like battery acid; when I was having radiotherapy a man arrived every morning well heeled; it is such pain trying to drink, so how is your man able to do this; thinking of you and hoping things will get a bit better Garance