hi everyone
i have a big worry regarding my husband,last week my husband told me he had a lump in his jaw and that the tooth above the lump was hurting a bit.so i said right lets go and get the doctor to have a look,i was thinking maybe he had an infection in the tooth.eventually i got him to the docs and the doctor looked very concerned and said the lump seemed to be in the jawbone itself,but first he advised us to see his dentist to get it checked.luckily we got an appt the next day and this is where it gets worrying.she gave his mouth a really good examination and found that the gum above the tooth that was hurting has some white patches and what looks like an ulcer and on the top part of gum on the upper teeth the skin is really rough then hubby said oh it's been like that for about 8 months i didn't think it was anything to worry about!hello i thought he knows what i have been through with my tongue cancer and plus i am always harping on about checking the mouth and not ignoring anything.anyway back to the dentist she has taken 2 lots of x-rays a normal x-ray of the teeth and she also did a panoramic x-ray too.we waited for the x-rays to be finished and she showed us both x-rays, in the jawbone there is a black mass in the bone and what she called calcification which i know nothing about.she said his teeth are very healthy so no teeth problems causing any of this.she has faxed the hospital to get them to do an urgent biopsy of his jaw and look at the gum problems.she said we would get a phone call from the hospital and that if we don't hear from them in a week to let her know and she will contact them again as she said she has stressed to them the urgency of it.my husband takes everything in his stride and on the outside he is calm but me i am such a wreck but trying to hide it from him.i have tried to post this several times and each time lost my nerve because talking about it makes it real and i am imagining the worse.if you read this thanks for doing so and any input will be most welcome.many thanks shirl xxx

Hey Shirl

you know the rules ..it aint cancer till its cancer.Calm down ,deep breath and large brandy.

thinking of you

love and hugs liz

thanks liz
that is what i needed,a quick swift kick up the nether region lol,today i am worrying too much inside,i was worse the day before but yesterday was a good day i was able to stop thinking about what it could be,but because the weather is so bad down here everything has come to a halt so it will be quite a wait before we hear from the hospital.you know what us southerners are like down here regarding weather,we are never prepared for it and we have more to come saturday and sunday.i just can't get it into my head why he did not think changes in his mouth should be important.if it was me he would have been constantly nagging me to get it looked at,if i had not made him see the doc he would still have been taking painkillers and ignoring it.anyway thanks again liz you are a real tower if you get my drift.love shirl xxx

Hi Shirl

Surely lightening can't strike twice. Let's hope that the medics are being over vigilant because of what you have been through.

Keep posting, get it off your chest will make you feel better

Everything crossed for you.

Hi Shirl
What can I say? We all know what we should/shouldn't do but given half a chance those niggling thoughts gnaw away on our nerves and our imagination goes into overdrive. It's only natural to be worrying but how many times have you had these same anxieties while waiting for news of your own tests and they have been fine? Naturally we all hope you'll soon be posting about your needless worry. In the meantime, give that old man of yours a whack with a bag of frozen peas for being so naughty!
Keep your chin up (or get into the brandy as Liz suggests!)
Onwards and upwards
Thinking of you
Deborah
x

hi angie
yes i would like to think that lightening doesn't strike twice.we know that oral cancer is on the increase and my husband does like a couple of cans of beer while watching the footy and he smokes,which i have never nagged him about it because he has tried to give it up several times but the tobacco always wins,but i have told him this is a wake up call and whatever the results are he has to give up.thanks for replying angie.love shirl xxx

dear debs
yes the mind is a powerful thing,keith is coping very well and not letting it get to him.but that is how he copes with anything,all power to him i say but i have always been one of lifes worriers ever since i was a child so i can't stop now lol.but i keep telling myself to remember our dear liz's words it ain't cancer till they say it is.i have not been on the site for some time and i'll tell you why,as i started feeling better i tried to distance myself from this wonderful site and you lovely folks on here because i felt i did not want to be reminded about having cancer 3 years ago this month.how selfish am i? there are new people joining this site who need support and it has made me feel so guilty for being selfish and only thinking of myself.it took me several days to post about keith because of not being on the site for a while,but i found that this was the place i wanted to be.i don't have any frozen peas,got a leg of lamb but that might be too extreme,what do you think.i appreciate your reply debs and i do often think about you and how you are doing all the way down under in australia.take care love shirl xxx

Hello again Shirl
I know exactly where you are coming from in relation to moving away from the forum. I think everyone probably feels the same way in that they are 'cancer-ed out' by the time they are feeling well and just don't want to talk about it anymore. Not just that, I think that you also forget the intensity of the experience. Like childbirth, you know it was awful but hey! you got through it and don't really start to recall the how bad the pain was til the first contraction of the next baby brings it all rushing back (bit late then!).
I 'look in' each day to see what's happening but I guess I'm more connected to those who were there through our experience ~ no point telling any newbies about it. However from a carer's point of view, I feel I can contribute at that level. There are always so many 'visitors' online and I bet lots of those are actual member's who are just taking a peek and will comment if a post touches them to respond.
Actually I have been concerned about a post from back in Dec that has been lost in the Christmas rush. Trish's mother has cancer and she has all the normal fears and questions for her that you have when it's all so new. I brought her post back to the top once but it got swamped and is back down the list. The experience for the carer is different (of course) and while you don't have the cancer to be worrying about, you sort of wish you did because then your fear and worry and pain would be justified. You feel useless, and afraid.
I have sort of wished there was a 'carer's corner' on the forum. Once you're established and feel confident on the site then it's easier to pick up with a kindred spirit privately but in the meantime I think it's a bit daunting. As a carer you don't want your loved one to be worried or upset about the fears and concerns you need to express because in comparison they are chicken feed however ~ it is a very hard time for the person keeping the show on the road.
Now! What brought that on I wonder? Just like me to go raving on! The bottom line, Shirl is that you say and do what you need to say and do, if and when you need to.
Keep your spirits up.
Love
Deborah
x
PS My doctor once told me that if you use the phone book for a whack ~ it leaves no marks. I'll leave it up to you ........

Hello there Shirl,

So sorry to hear about your worries. I was going to post the essence of what Debs has posted, but luckily she beet me to it! You aren't selfish, I think everyone realises that at some point we have to move on and if you have been the patient it is probably even more important.

I remember your extreme warmth and kindness when I started posting here - you have been a real trooper.

I still read new posts on a regular basis but dont always feel like posting. Haven't managed to post on Ananth's RIP yet - probably cos I am in denial. News of his death made me incredibly sad, not because I thought he would live for ever, but I think because, for me he was an essential part of this forum. Even though he didnt post much during my time on here, I loved it when he suddenly appeared once in a while.

I hope everything goes well for you. I am trying not to worry too much about the fact that we missed Chaz's last check up because of the snow and I am concerned that he wont do what it takes to get a new one while I am travelling for work over the next few weeks. I get the feeling he thinks he is invincible and get frustrated that he doesn't worry a little more ...


I hope your fears all prove unfounded.

Warmly,

Cath

Shirley
i am off the boards at the moment on the instructions of a lady called Pippa who is my bereavement counsellor at a hospice in leeds.After Trevor and Paul (Robins brother) and then Bells Paul,i just about lost the plot,and the hospice i work at insisted i saw someone.Pippa is trying to help me out from under this suffocating blanket of despair and she said i need to step out of the "world of cancer" for a while and concentrate on getting my will to live back lol.Like Debs i check in most days and i just cannot ignore posts from our special family of the last few years.We are a support group and as such its perfectly natural to move away and come back and the friendships we have formed have deep strong roots that will survive a few months of absence i am sure.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Dr Vinod K Joshi,

Grrrrrr this new system wont let me edit my posts !!! its a pain in the bum.What i should have written was the friendships we have formed HAVE deep strong roots.!!!!

Hi Shirl, sorry to hear you're having it rough at the moment. Like Angie said, the drs are probably being over cautious because of the past history. You shouldn't feel guilty about posting either. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and hopefully it'll be nothing to worry about.

Cookey, if you read this I hope you feel better soon. You've been through so much but I'm sure you'll crack it in the end.

dear debs liz cathy and hagg
thanks very much for taking time to reply and comment,it means a lot.debs you liz bell and others who have been carers always amaze me how supportive you are to all of us when we could perfectly understand how easier it would be to come away from the site as it must bring it all back for you all and i can see why liz'z counseller has told her to stay away as it must be so taxing on you all,god bless you all for your support.cathy thank you for your kind words i am determined whatever i am going to be a regular again helping with any advise i can share with new and existing members.it is 3 years since i was diagnosed and i still have problems eating as my tastebuds have not fully returned and i doubt they ever will now but it seems such a long time ago now.hagg thanks for your input,much appreciated.sorry this is short but the dog won't stop barking he wants to go out in the snow every 5 minutes!! all he does is eat the snow then sits at the bottom of the garden shivering like an advert for the rspca.i have to go down the garden and pick him up and it is so slippery out there.i'm sure my neighbours must think he is neglected lol.my kids say we look after him better than them.i hope they are joking.keith is not worrying about his mouth and jaw problem (so he says) but little signs tell me otherwise.i have been telling myself it's not the big c as the thought of my big strong man going through anything is hard to accept.well you guys take care and thank you all once again.love shirl xxx

keeping you and your hubby in my thoughts M

Liz, just wanted to say that I hope the counselling is helping. I started my time in the voluntary sector working for a cot death charity and although I wasn't frontline, I did do some bereavement counselling. Those that were primarily concerned with counselling were advised that they probably shouldn't do it for more than 2 years and that they needed co counselling.

You have been such a source of comfort and advice to patients here, on OCF and no doubt in the hospice. I understand your reasons, but am glad that you are having a rest. YOu really deserve it.

Love
Cath