Some of you may know a bit of my background,I am a professional singer who was diagnosed in 05,I had 3 surgeries including 2 neck dissections and 6 weeks intense radiotherapy and months of speach therapy.Against the odds I was singing again seven months after finishing treatment.
But over the last few months my voice has been becoming weaker and more hoarse (having no salivary glands doesn't help!)My consultant told me this would eventually happen but even he was surprised at how quickly it has deterioted, I have saw so many voice specialists and ENT consultants I have lost count,they seem to use me as an example for the junior doctors as they say it is amazing I can sing at all!
I have now had to make a very difficult decision and that is to stop singing, I will honour all work until the end of the year.Unfortunately this desicion was made for me and was out of my hands,the surgery and radio has totally ravaged my throat and therefor I will no longer be able to perform, which I love.
I know there are people out there who have had it so much worse than me and I have been one of the lucky ones,but this is so hard for me to deal with,this has been a big part of my life for so long as well as a major income.
It is such an unforgiving illness and even though treatment is done and you are trying to get back to a 'normal' life it is always there hanging over you.

I will be performing at The Mouth Cancer Voice Awards in London on the 18th November.

best wishes
Tracey

HI Tracey,

What can we say, very sad news for performing is not just a job or salary it is every part a vocation for those fortunate to be gifted with the talent to perform. Yes you have done well otherwise considering healthwise and should feel blessed, but also cheated. The inability to give pleasure to your public will be hard to bear.

When I was informed of my cancer on the larynx and the need for its complete removal, my first thought was employment as I negotiate contracts for a living and oral communication is a must. Fortunately I quickly learned and can communicate well enough with oesophageal speech but as a man who worships every week I have never been able to sing since: even as badly as I did before the treatment. I miss that pleasure so very much and can now only mime when at Church but God knows my worship is sincere.

I can only hope that your voice has been recorded and can still give retrospective pleasure to your audience in future years, I am sure that they would still love to see you and perhaps miming to your past recordings might just be an option for consideration in future.

Warm wishes, Alan

So sorry that you have been stopped you from doing the thing you loved. This awful disease has no boundaries.

Sorry to hear that Tracey,you must be shattered. What a b*****d.

Tracey,
I am so sad for you, I love music and listening to people sing like you brings so much joy. I hope like Alan said that you have recordings of your songs, this will be so special for you and although you can't sing anymore I hope you continue to have music in your soul and heart. You might go down another path now, maybe to help other people sing or write music from the heart. Whatever happens good luck to you and hope to hear what new adventures you will take on.
Tracey xx

Tracey,
I'm so sorry. You must be heart broken! It would be like me not being able to groom the dogs anymore & i'm sure i'd be devastated!
It's cruel and unfair.
I hope whatever you move on to do fullfills you as much as singing.

All the best,
Michelle

Everyone
Thanks for your thoughts, it is so hard for me to talk about it, people can't understand how hard I'm taking this, I have come through so much and fought all the way to make sure I could continue my singing, just for it to be taken away from me. Its just S**T.I know I should be thankful that I have had an extra couple of years more than I should have but I don't feel like that at the moment.
I did record a few CD's over the years, but its hard to listen to them because it reminds me of how my voice has changed. It just upsets me, probably in years to come I will be able to listen to them and feel proud of them.

Tracey
www.traxstudio.fsnet.co.uk

I have a couple of tracks on my web site for you to listen to.

Tracey,

Just had a listen - what a talented person you are. You must be devastated at no longer being able to perform as it's obviously something you enjoy so much. It must be having an impact on the rest of the band too.

I will play Loch Lomond for Robert when he gets home later tonight as your voice was quite mesmerising (being from Bonnie Scotland also he's at the Rangers/Celtic match at the moment which won't be doing his voice any good either).

Take care

Lorraine

You should quite rightly feel proud of your recording. You and so many others on theses pages make me feel very humble. So many of you have been through so much and come out the other side ready to face up to whatever comes in many cases bearing the scars of what you have suffered. You make me feel that our encounter with cancer has been a walk in the park by comparison. We have just had a few months of pain and discomfort and lost normality for a while. This awful disease had cost so many of you so much. You have my utmost admiration.

Hi Tracey,
Just heard one of your tracks and am sure if I did not have these cancer hassles I would be dancing to it in some disco!! You do have a great voice and I say in present tense as you are pretty much alive for the world to enjoy your music and presence.

Cancer affects everyone, anyone and in every sense. Its not an exclusive illness. I can understand it has affected your earnings but the mere thing you are alive would mean something. Each one here has gone through misreies that most people cannot even imagine the pain - related to the illness, the medicines, the surgeries and the mental stress. Everyone has talents which have been nipped at the time one is peaking.Yet everyone has a great sense of pride and caring about each other. Its a great family where you have so many shoulders to rest upon and scream all your frustrations out and everyone will be there right beside you.

I know a certain sweetie here will have a smile but I am going to say it any way - I believe that its all destiny and try as hard as you want - you cannot change it. You can ,however, control it by accepting what is happening to you. Life is a mystery and one lives through so much during the cancer and why, I have no clue. And then one fine day after years when you have been declared cancer free you are back again with the cancer smiling back at you.

If you really do want to be at peace with yourself just accept what has happened to you and dont look back as there is no way you can turn the clock around.Its the rule of nature and destiny as I said. The way to control it as I keep stressing is accept what has happened and convert the thoughts into positives. You will find a lot of peace if you do that. I guess a lot of people here would agree with me on that score. Live your life with complete gusto and live it to its limit. If one thing that you love has gone wrong - something else will be there for compensation. You have to decide as to what your talents are and work on it ( for example- you could write songs or compose music etc).

I am sorry if I sound a little blunt - but everyone who has reverted to you have fought so many battles themselves and yet care for you. That is acceptance. You will always have friends here come what come may. We all will be happy if you are, we will all weep if you are sad and there are no put ons - all very much real.

Tracey - all I can add at the moment is think POSITIVE and keep thinking that way. Try and think of all the good moments you had and shared and also accept the reality that yesterday is gone, tomorrow is yet to come - but today is a gift, also known as "The Present".
Take care and as I greet all lovely ladies lots of love, xxx and a big hug,
Ananth

Hi Tracey
Have just tried to listen to your music but I can't get it to open. Frustrating ~ I'm missing out on what everyone has been able to listen to.
As sad and frustrating as this is for you now, it too will pass. Make the most of every note you sing between now and retirement and take strength from the fact that YOU made the decision to RETIRE ~ you didn't just wake up one morning and it was all gone. All power to you.
Cheers from the Land Down Under
Deborah

My dear Deborah,
Send me your telephone number and I will guide you how to listen to the songs! I can even send them to you if you give me an email id.
Tons and tons of love and xxxxx, and hugs to the two of you and may God help the Aussies today in their 20ts encounter with India
Ananth
PS " They are really getting a "spanking"

Ananth ~ we won't spoil a perfectly jovial conversation with talk of the Aussies being beaten. OK?
D

Ananth,

You really are a smooth operator, any excuse to get a girl's phone number

Lorraine

Thanks for all your thoughts and support,It means alot.
Lorraine, when we perform Loch Lomond the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as it is such a buzz watching the whole dance floor join in with us....I was performing last night and receiving great comments at the end of the night,I felt proud & angry its just so unfair, because I don't want to stop
I have an appointment at the Hospital tomorrow, I will be there most of the day, first I have my 3 month check with my consultant and then I have to see a voice consultant (why? they can't change anything)this is where I feel like a guinea pig.I then have to have a scan so they can watch me swallow, as I have been having problems swallowing.So that will be my day off sitting around a hospital.
All the doctors I will be seeing tomorrow have seen me perform and I will be telling them my decision,I know there is nothing that can be done,and going back to when I sarted my RT they told me then I would never sing again,but I was POSITIVE all the way through my treatment and proved them wrong and this where the fact that I have been able to do this amazes them and why they take such an interest in me.But it is out of my hands now, and when I hear people like yourselves enjoying my music it hurts that I have to stop.
I'm sure at some point in the future I will feel better about it but its just too soon at the moment.
I will feel so proud singing at the Voice Awards it has been such an honour to be asked.

Tracey