Dont know if this is the right place but I was wondering if anyone else is going thru this. My Mom and I lost my dad in January he battled cancer for almost 2 years including radiation etc. My mom and me knew what the outcome was going to be as positive as we wanted to be. I feel like we grieved when my dad was alive anyone else go thru that? Dont get me wrong Im sad from time to time but I dont feel like I should be depressed and crying, hes in a better place and no longer in pain

HI Eyecandy,

We all experience the consequences of death: grief differently. Knowing the outcome is not necessarily any barrier to grief when death ultimately visits. However grief can be mitigated by the knowledge that our loved one is free from pain and a poorer quality of life and eternally at peace.

I lost both my parents relatively young under 65, suddenly and unexpectedly and my pain was naturally acute but my grief did not show itself in dperession or crying after the funeral. Following the loss and during the funeral of each I wept buckets, and there are occassions when the odd tear still flows when I recall or an event recalls a moment from the past which moves me to wish they were still with me. I have frequently missed the advocacy of my parents, and particularly regret being unable to express how much I loved them while they were with me. In your case I am sure that you expressed along with your Mum the love you felt for Dad thoughout his illness without even being conscious of the fact, and I find nothing to suggest that you should be in sackcloth and ashes today, life must carry on for those who remain. I would think that your reaction is perfectly normal and shared by thousands, your Dad's spirit lives in your memory. Celebrate his life and be glad for the time he shared with you.

My in-laws died each after long battles with cancer but we were fortunate enough to look after them for the most part at home, and each died at home with us, peacefully when their time came. It was still heartbreaking for my wife, but she had the comfort of knowing that her parents knew the depth of her love for them and that their last days were as happy as it was humanly possible to make them.

Do not feel guilty in any sense for feeling depressed or crying all the time, we all have to pass on from our losses it is only a question of timing. It is not unnatural and very healthy to move on beyond grief to a point where we can share our memories of those who whom we have lost in joy, shedding the odd tear of happiness which does not sting the heart as immediately after the loss but rather insulates and comforts the soul!

Keep his memory alive and be grateful for his love, for love never dies, it is a perpetual force that lives on in every smile or tear that each memory engenders through the rest of our natural lives. Alan

Sorry Eyecandy in my post that should have read do not feel guilty about NOT feeling depressed ot crying all the time, sorry.

thank you so much for that.. You are so right on so many levels and thank you again