Glad I made you smile Ray and sorry to hear you is/woz feelin' weary. Hope you are better today. Quick and digusting question that you might enjoy: did you cough up lots of gunk first thing in the morning post rt? If so what colour was it and how long did it take to go away?

Its another sunny day in Brighton! Where abouts in Summerset are you?

Hi Cathy

Yes, I did cough up stuff in the morning and I can't really remember what colour it was. I'm sorry about that but I was feeling so crappy that I totally forgot to take the colour chart into the loo with me! I am also unsure how long that phase took to pass, but as I said before everybody is different so your other half may get through it quicker or slower. I know it seems like a cliche all you can do is take one day at a time and just let the body recover at it's own rate.

Personally, I find the recovery process harder than the treatment stage but then again there are plenty who have flown through recovery and are back at work.

I am still feeling poo and can't wait to see my gp next week. My upper arms and shoulders feel like they are going to fall off. I still find sleeping at night a real problem and I have to admit that my diet is shocking. Then again, when you have very little taste and practically no saliva, eating is a chore and I use any excuse not to. It doesn't help that I live on my own and so don't have anyone to nag me to eat...not that that would work!

I currently live in Shepton Mallet and can't wait to be well enough to sell up and move home to Devon and be back with my friends and familiar surroundings.

Moan, moan, moan...sorry!

Ray

Dear Ray,

Thanks for sharing details about your gunk and don't worry about the lack of colour specificity.

Sorry that you are feeling pants and hope that the GP can suggest something that can help. Sleeping is a problem isn't it. Chaz has been taking sleeping tablets almost since he was diagnosed and I also take them on and off. Find half a zopyclone works wonders if I wake up in the early hours and start worrying about the fact I am not sleeping amongst other things. I have never been a good sleeper and zops seem to provide some phsychological comfort that I will sleep and fortunately I wake up feeling quite good on them.

Shepton Mallet hey? I have vague memories of going on school trips to royal agriculture shows there - I was born in Bristol and went to school in the Avon area. I shall keep my fingers crossed that you are well enough to pack up and move to Devon sooner rather than later. A lovely county. Maybe you could find yourself a nag :-). Chaz gets infuriated with me nagging him to eat but we end up laughing about it and overall I know he is very glad I am here to do it. I suspect he may have dropped out of treatment if he had lived on his own or become incredibly depressed. At least he has got someone to make him watch shit films and lots of comedy which has really helped us through the process. Thank gawd for Jack dee and Frankie Boyle.

Take care and hope you have a good weekend. I have to do a horribly boring proof reading task and then try and think of ideas for Christmas presents for Chaz's 13 year old son who will be with us soon. A doting granny seems to have stolen our thunder and already bought everything we had thought of :-(. Fortunately his son is not at all materialistic and would probably be happy with a tengerine in a stocking...

More soon
C

Hi there Cathy

Ooo-er, a Brizzle girl eh? We know a song about Brizzle, don't we children?! I shouldn't be so rotten as that was where I had my treatment (Bristol Haemotology and Oncology Centre) last summer. I have pleasant memories of laying in my bed went I had to be admitted for my chemo and watching the hot air ballons floating past in the distance. Chemo days were ok, it was two days later when the effects kicked in and I was chundering for England that the fun begun! The daily trips for R/T became a bit tiresome but I had the most wonderful Red Cross driver, named Keith, who took us via Burrington Coombe (home of the "Rock of Ages") and we would play "spot the goats". If we timed it right we would get buzzed by an incoming giant tangerine-like Easy Jet plane landing from some foreign clime. When we entered the city we would drive along the river and see the wonderful SS Great Britain moored up and I used to think "what a wonderful time of year to have cancer". I told you I am weird! I used to think how depressing it would be to be afflicted with it in the depth of winter, what with the cold weather and long nights. I still go back that way every three months as I have to see a dental hygenist at the Brizzle Dental Hospital, just across the road from the BRI. All in all, that part of the city seems to have more of a town feel to it. Are you a Robin or a Gas Head? I do hope it's blue!!

I remember in the second week of my chemo, it was about ten at night and I had the urge for a kebab. As there was a Greek taverna just two minutes down the road, I told a nurse I was off out and pootled off to satisfy my cravings. I got the kebeab and came back to the BHOC where I sat outside and scoffed it all. It was probably the last time I actually ENJOYED eating something as I lost my taste soon after. In fact, I enjoyed the delicacy so much that I didn't know whether to laugh or cry...so I did both! R/T, chemo and raging emotions...a heady combination!!

I'm not too sure about the sleeping tablets idea. My body has been subjected to enough chemicals to last a lifetime and I am none too sure if I want anymore. I was diagnosed with depression a while back and was due to undergo treatment but then all the cancer stuff happened and that went by the wayside. I have been referred for therapy again but it seems to be taking an eternity to sort out. In the meantime I wallow in the pits that are the miseries f someone on their own with too much time to think dark thoughts. I am sure that "a nag" would be a great idea, but I don't think it would be fair to inflict myself on someone else. I am an incredibly young fifty ( I feel no different than I did at 21!) and feel I am too selfish and set in my ways to adapt to having someone around me again. Sometimes I think that it would of been better for the treatment not too have worked and that it would of been the answer to all of my problems. Now you can see why they diagnosed me as a depressive!!!

The only time I am truly happy is when I am out scouring the charity shops etc for records, cd's etc and downloading it to my computer and cataloging it. I love radio too and have always (from my earliest days) wanted to work in radio. Alas, despite live work and hospital radio stints, it has never happened. Now I feel that my age and lack of experience are against me. I really love all types of radio and have harboured a desire to own my own pirate station were I could play EVERYTHING and not have to conform to stereotypes (no pun intended!)

You're right about comedy, it really is a great tonic. I caught the tale end of Jack Dee at the Apollo ( a venue I remember well as a kid, but's that another story) last night. He was reading out text messages and read one that said "Jack, I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread but when I looked closer it said thick CUT". I was in fits of laughter and thought it was a classic one liner. I love old comedy and feel that this pc world is destroying our ability to laugh. Anything that makes you laugh is comedy and people should not be made to feel guilty for laughing at jokes that other people find distasteful or sick. You have probably heard the 911, Gary Glitter or space shuttle type humour and basically it is there as a relief to a horrifying or upseeting situation. If people didn't laugh sometimes, then they would cry. I remember an example of tragic comedy a few years back. I was watching a documentary about the Atlantic Convoys during WWII and was deeply moved by the subject matter. One man was saying how, if a ship was torpedoed, they were not allow to stop to pick up survivors for fear of becoming a target. He told how a ship ahead of them was hit and they had to sail over the men in the sea. With tears in his eyes he related how he heard a voice shout from the sea, "taxi!" I found this SO moving that someone about to die a miserable and painful death could find it within themselves to come up with such a tragically funny epitaph.

Talking of tragedies...Christmas..urgh! You can guess what that means in Chez Ray!! I am so glad that Chaz's boy is so unlike his peers, it really is quite refreshing. Tangerines and stockings...he's not a Tory MP is he?? As gran has beaten you to it, how about approaching it from another angle. Maybe buy him a season ticket for a his football/rugby team or such like. Concert tickets may be a good idea too. I detest the commercially driven ideals that dictate we show how much we care for people by getting ourselves into debt buying unwanted rubbish for people on one day of the year.. I play them at there own game by buying my Chrimble cards etc AFTER Christmas, for a fraction of the price, ready for next year. People should give IOUs for prezzies on the Day itself and then purchase them in the January sales...and only buy prezzies that are wanted/useful. That would teach the shops who are the masters of the game!!

Anyhoo, this probably has to be the longest (and most boring) post in the history of this website and if you've made it thus far please award yourself a Blue Peter badge made out of sticky back plastic and a pair of Auntie Val's old rubber knickers.

I hope the proof reading goes well and you and Chaz have a wonderful weekend.

I'm off to bathe my two typing fingers in iced water!!

Ray

Well I can't resist this time, Ray.
You really make me chuckle and brother do I love a good laugh! Like you, I can laugh at just about anything and our family tend to have a reputation for being weird ie. sick senses of humour. I make no apology and can remember back when I was about 10 was the first time someone said to me "God, you're mad! Just like your mother". That's fine by me and if it's in my genes there is no point at all in trying to fight it.
Love the story about the guy calling for a taxi. You can't imagine how dreadful that would be, can you and if you're going to go down with or without the ship then you can laugh or cry and neither will make a difference to you, but maybe someone else will get a chuckle.
You poor diddums, suffering from depression on top of the rest of the stuff. I've been there and done that (maybe it's the sense of humour!) Have you ever tried, or are you in a position to try a naturopath Ray? Honestly I have been brought back from the brink a couple of times with their help. Obviously my chemistry gets out of whack and with some well placed vitamins and minerals and 'stuff' I get back on track and it feels as though someone has cleaned the shutters in my brain and let in the light. Believe me, it really is worthwhile. I have been on prescribed meds for depression as well and that's all fine and dandy if you're happy to keep taking them ~ they don't 'make' you better, you just 'feel' better.
Something I absolutely swear by for getting you back to the right place is fish oil. I'm right with you on this one, brother and believe me you have enough to deal with going through this whole cancer trip on your own, you don't need a good old dose of the miseries as well.
Trevor has said more than once that he wouldn't eat if I wasn't here to 'encourage' him (O NEVER nag!!!). Even in the thick of his treatment last year sometimes I would have to give him his 'meals' through his PEG ~ he just wasn't the slightest bit interested. I had never realised before his ordeal just what a social event eating is.
Is it possible for you to volunteer somewhere on Christmas Day? Lots of charities here serve meals to the homeless, hand out gifts etc and so on at Christmas and I'm sure it's very satisfying for those who give up their time to be a part of it. Could be great for you ..........
Our Christmas will be very different this year in as much as we aren't exchanging gifts (except for Marley!). It's not a matter of being too sad or anything like that, quite the opposite actually. I just don't feel inclined to be out shopping (after I've actually thought up gifts!). It will be lovely to have the family here for breakfast and then have the rest of the day to relax when they all head off to other halves' families for lunches and dinners.
There is so much more to your post than I have responded to but you may as well have written it in Romanian for all the clarity it holds for me!!!! That being the case, I shall away. It's 12.15am and we have to be up and off by 8 to collect Trevor's roller door. I don't know what he'll worry about once the boys' get the damn carport finished!!!
You take care, Ray.
Thinking of you from way Down Under
Cheers
Deborah

Hi Deborah

I am so glad that I'm not on my own, with either the humour or the depression. It is immenseley kind of you to spare the time to mail me when you have so much going on in your own life. Mind you, after spending time in hospital I found that no matter how bad somebodies cancer was, they were aware that there was someone worse off than themselves...even the terminal. There was one poor man (his name escapes me) who had a tumour just above his anus and consequentlycouldn't sit down or lay on his back. Even walking was an ordeal and if we were heading off to the day room in the evening he would start off ten minutes before me! Bear in mind that it would take me about 30 seconds to stroll there.

Thank you for the advice about the naturopath. I'm really none too sure what one is but I am going to "do a Google" straight after this and will follow up on it.

I would love to do some charity work but I feel physically unable at present. My upper arms and shoulders have been aching like hell for a while and now my lower back is playing up. I am due to see my gp on Thursday and I shall be making my position known to him. I actually feel as if I am wasting away and don't know how much longer I can continue at this rate. My arm and leg muscles seem to be disappearing at an alarming rate. I have to admit that my lack of nutrition won't help matters, but as I've said before, if I have very little taste and no saliva then eating is a chore to be avoided. In saying that, this evening I have had some boil in the bag kippers and they were lovely. I know that people will think that if I've found something nice to eat then stick with it, but would anyone want to eat the same thing day after day. I have tried to eat curries and chilli's as I was told that the spicy foods will stimulate my taste buds to life again but I am rather fed up with them. I have knocked up a turkey ruby (curry) but this is more in the way of a seasonal meal!

Hey ho, it could be worse...I could of lost my sense of humour!

Night night/good morning*

*Delete where applicable


Ray

Ray,

Could you spare a moment for some English to American-English translation?

CathyS wrote, "Sorry that you are feeling pants...." Does that mean crappy? If so, it's my new favorite use of the word!

"...I was chundering for England...."

Spot the goats.

Thanks!

Have you seen this website?

Old Time Radio

Although they're all old American shows, some might have made it across the pond. Slang and humor are the hardest to 'translate' but there's some good stuff in the Mystery, Thriller, Drama and Detective categories.

I had a boyfriend for a while that introduced me to The Goon Show. It took me about a year to figure out what they were saying and by that time the relationship was over (he was a not-very-good jazz musician; 'nuff said).

That show was absolutely brilliant! I'd heard of Peter Sellers of course but not Secombe and Milligan. You know how that goes - after knowing their names it seems I saw bits about them everywhere and my appreciation grew and grew.

One of my other favorites is Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and was lucky to receive the complete BBC boxed set CDs for Christmas last year.

I love that you recognize that appreciating cancer can be seasonal - my appreciation is that I've received awesome gifts that I'm sure I wouldn't have received if I were just my ornery self without cancer: flat screen TV, the Hitchhiker's Guide, and tickets to see Tina Turner. I got the tickets for Mother's Day (in May) and Tina wasn't here until October - they were sold out immediately after her schedule was published. Worth every minute of the wait! She is Simply the Best.

Take care Ray, I enjoy your warped curmudgeonly humor but need to find an updated version of a British-American dictionary I had while working in England for a year (1996-97).

Deb and Trev always make me laugh and Haag's not so bad either! Joan and Flappy are funny and I love all our young 'uns. Not fair, huh?

Mimi

Hi Mimi

First off, yes you've got the "pants" translation right. If you at all interested in our rhyming slang here is a link to a site that will help out http://www.phespirit.info/cockney/slang_to_english.htm You will find a lot of the newer terms, but the old favourites are in there!

The term "chunder" means to vomit and is Australian in derivation. It is a corruption of the term "watch under". Here are some more "Ozzie-ism's" http://www.koalanet.com.au/australian-slang.html

I totally agree with you about "Hitch Hikers". I first got into it back in the eighties when it was made into a tv series. I am fortunate to have it on dvd and, like you, the cd box set of the original radio series.

We have a wonderful digital radio station over here from the BBC simply named BBC7. You could try accessing it on the net but I am sure it is only available in the UK. Normally the home page can be found at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio7/

It is a terrific station and broadcasts vintage radio comedy as well as some newer stuff. It also has some great radio plays which are fantastic when you are feeling Tom and Dick, and retire to your Uncle Ned...just a little test for you there!

I have to say that the Goons leave me cold and I have never found any of the individuals in the least bit funny. If you ever get to listen to it, try "Round The Horne" or "Beyond Our Ken". Both shows feature the marvellous Kenneth Horne who really played the straight man to the cast which included the incredible (but tortured) Kenneth Williams. That is the thing about comedy, it is so like music, what one may adore another may be left blank.

I thought I would just take the opportunity to drop my Tina Turner story in at this point. Back in November 1975 I was doing a bit of casual work at the Hammersmith Odeon in West London and Ike and Tina were on. We waited around for ages for the artics to turn up but they were delayed in their journey from Germany (I think it was). Anyway, the kit eventually turned up and we lugged it in. As I'd had a late night the night before and went straight to the gig in the morning, I decided to go home for a shower and get back in time for the second show (they were doing two shows in the one night). I got back just as Ike, the band and the Ike-ettes were going through some warm up stuff at the start of the show and stood in the wings watching it. All of a sudden I was aware of someone stood right next to me. I turned to my right (and looked down!) and there was TT standing with her dresser waiting to go on. Her security wasn't overly impressed with me being there so I went down into the orchestra pit and watched the show from there.

Other stories in this series include: How I missed the Carpenters at Heathrow after racing there. Karen Carpenter...aaaahhhhhh!

How I was invited to meet my hero Freddie Mercury and never got round to it!


Oh well, I'm gonna plonk myself on the sofa and watch "Scrooge" (the Alistair Sim version) and see if I can get into the spirit. Ho Ho....oh bugger it!

Ray,

Thanks so much for the links! The BBC link works fine here and I'm going to forward it to a friend who lives in Mexico - lots of the international stations are blocked but looks like the BBC isn't. On the home page they're advertising a new series "This is Pulp Fiction," that looks promising. I love mysteries, true crime, detective stories, etc. Found Round the Horne and Beyond our Ken - it's 930 AM here and I'll be spending most of today listening. Thanks so much!

I was watching an old youtube video with Ike and Tina and I'd forgotten what a good musician he was - the only thing I'd remembered about him was that he was a terrible person.

Freddie Mercury is god.

Mimi

Excellent news Mimi, I am soooo glad you can enjoy the delicacies on offer at BBC7.

I saw Queen a few times back in the 70's. The first time was at the Rainbow when "Seven Sea's Of Rhye" came out. I shall always remember Freddie dressed in a leotard and draped in a pink feather boa performing "Jailhouse Rock" and "Hey Big Spender" as an encore. I believe you can find that concert available as a bootleg vinyl lp on EBay. I also saw them at the Hammersmith Odeon where I was at the front and just feet away from Freddie at the piano for "Bohemian Rhapsody"...what a buzz!

I always regret not making it to Wembley Stadium for the '86 concert. What a venue and what a gig. I have it on dvd and it is amazing. I get goose bumps when I think about the Queen set at "Live Aid". The footage of the audience clapping along during "Radio Ga Ga" was truly iconic. In the late eighties, when I worked in the audio-visual game, I had to do a product launch at the famous "Roof Gardens" in Kensington High St where Queen had the after show party for the "Kind Of Magic" tour. I couldn't concentrate on the job in hand and was only interested in talking to the manager of the place about the party. I remember him telling me how well behaved the group were and what an amazing party it was. I walked around the grounds, which are amazing in their own right, and imagined what that night would of been like. I always imagined it as being the closest London had ever seen to New York's "Studio 54"! I did briefly meet Roger Taylor and John Deacon backstage at a David Essex gig (of all places!) in '76. JD was really rather quiet but was a very nice person, whilst RT came across as an arrogant twit. Mind you, I did only spend about ten minutes with them, so it was hardly a sound basis for a character analysis!

I do have to say that I am none to sure which has been my favourite gig. The Carpenters were just amazing and I fell in love with KC the very first instant she opened her mouth. A truly breathtaking concert.

Oh the memories!

Ray

Hi Cathy

Just read your post about coughing up gunk. Are you trached? While I had mine in, I "popped my cork" first thing every morning. My "product" was generally greenish with streaks of red, but I think it was there because I wasn't breathing through my nose like a normal person and the stuff had to go somewhere. Glad that's over. I wasn't given RT or chemo, so I'm not sure if the situation was comparable.

Hi Ray, was that a ‘fluff’? Apologies for not participating in the conversation but I am way behind on a few bits of work and just had to focus.

Anyway, how are you? Have you seen your GP yet? Things are up and down chez Cath and Chaz. I was delighted the other day that Chaz seemed to be putting on some weight and then went into complete despair yesterday morning when he weighed himself and appeared to be losing again, despite the fact that he has been managing to get his calorific intake up of late. Anyway, I threw a hysterical hissy fit and although he was typically resistant to my nagging yesterday am, I arrived home in the evening to find him coughing over a chocolate mousse and willing to try a cottage pie, which I had picked up imagining I would be putting it in the freezer for much ron. Progress I reckon, ‘specially as his weight was up again this morning. He seems to be getting his taste buds back –although they come and go - but has no appetite. He wonders whether this is usual or not.

I will make sure that I respond to your posts properly tomorrow. Take care
Cathy

Hi Cathy

No worries about your absenteeism...just as long as you have got a note from a responsible adult!

We all realise that you have Chaz to care for as well as leading your own life, so just drop in and out as you feel able to. The mere fact that I have bugger all else to do, doesn't mean everyone else need be on here 24/7!

I to have very little appetite, this probably doesn't help my general health much. Was Chaz not fitted with a feeding tube? I was and it probably saved me from wasting away. The only other thing I can suggest is getting the doctor to prescribe you food supplement drinks. They are not very tasty, but if you have very little sense of taste then it doesn't matter.

No, I haven't been to my gp yet, I am off there this afternoon, so I'll update you later. The thing that really worries me is that I am very fatigued and my muscles seem to be wasting away.

Hey ho...could be worse!

Take Care

Ray

PS I bought an excellent book on compulsive behaviour yesterday...I'm off out to get another today.

ha ha ha ...................
I guess with your compulsive nature, Ray your favourite Christmas carol is Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells?

No Deborah, it's "The Sound Of Silence"!

I bought another book on hair care...but the pages fell out!!

Ray

PS Isn't it past your bedtime??