Hi Everyone
My name is Jennie & I am caring for my husband Paul.He was diagnosed with throat cancer in June2003.Had 6 weeks radiotherapy in August, but by March this year the tumour had returned.Spent 5 months in hospital, during which he also caught legionnaires disease & MRSA, had an emergency laryngectomy during which they found a tumour on the base of his tongue, which was removed & replaced with chest muscle. Has just been told there is another tumour on his tongue,probably inoperable. His main problems at the moment are tongue swelling, treated by steroids, toothache from the radiotherapy damage, and constant dribbling, which he finds very distrssing. Anyone got any ideas of how to treat/cope with this? Thank you

Jennie, Welcome to our site. I don't know where to start or what to really say to you. My heart is just broken to hear all of this happening to the love of your life. I feel so helpless for him because there is really nothing that can be done with this. I too slobber all over the place and it is nerve wreaking. I don't even know what the other 2 disease's he has gotten are but they sure don't sound good. You know Jennie, I do believe that when a loved one is sick like most of us are on here, the caretakers, which is you, are in pain as well. It may bot be what we are feeling--but pain is pain, hurt is hurt. Once we have departed this world, you the caretakers or caregivers, have the facts of it all to deal with. I really don't now which is the worst. That is a honest statement too. I have been on both sides. I don't like either one. All I can say to you is to talk about things. Get your feelings out, be heard. The same for your husband. There is not one single person on here that would not do their very very best to help you or just listen to you..Sometimes just getting things off your chest does a ton of GOOD. Let us hear from you Jennie,,,In the meantime the prayers have already began....Always Vicki Lynn

Dear Vicki Lynne
Thank you so much for your input, just been reading your story, you have been amazingly brave. We will keep on fighting, Paul was in intensive care for 5 weeks, and doctors twice told me to let his life support machines be turned off, but i wouldn't let them, i knew he was in there somewhere.Our very best wishes to you,hope you have a really good Christmas
Love Jennie

Jennie, Is Paul at home and doing well? I am at a loss for you. This must fell like the whole world is sitting in your lap. I cannot even imagine my Ric having to go thru this and me watching helplessly. This is how he ( Ric ) feels. We talk about it all the time. I listen to him when things start to crash. He has been amazing but I can tell when things are mounting. Jennie you talk to me. Okay. Email me at proudokie@excite.com if you want to talk and feel that you can't on here. You are in my thoughts and my prayers. I am with you....just close your eyes,,,,I am there..I wish you a ver Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Together we will make it thru all this...I pray..Always Vicki Lynn

Jennie,

You can't feel your husband's pain for him, and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to. Do what you can to show your unconditional support, and make him as comfortable as possible. Be the center point of information for all his caregivers. If its like American medicine, there's lots of specialists but nobody in the middle making sure everyone knows what the others are doing.

Most importantly, give yourself breaks where you walk away from all the pain and sadness and do something for yourself that you really enjoy.

Good luck, and hang in there no matter what.

Ron