My Mother who is 93 has just been diagnosed with cancer in her cheek which the consultant has described as aggressive. She suffers quite badly with psoriasis and her skin is like tissue paper which bruises and tears with the slightest knock. She also has a hernia as well as angina and arthritis . Her consultant has said she cannot be operated on due to her age and condition but will use radiotherapy 5 days a week for 4 weeks as a day patient This will involve a one hour journey each way to the Cancer Specialist Hospital.
We have by putting a lot of pressure on Social Services got her moved from sheltered accommodation into a care home which also has Nursing facilities.
I feel terrible for feeling this way but after reading all the postings on this site (I do appreciate that this only covers a small number of the people who are treated each year) who have had surgery and radiotherapy and the cancer reappears again what chance has she got of a good standard of life with the proposed options. The traveling alone will leave her exhausted let alone the possible side effects of the treatment. She has said she will have the treatment but the possible side effects have not yet been really discussed and explained to her which I assume will be discussed fully at the first appointment. She is already asking me what do I think and I know in the end she will say to me “Do you think I should have the treatment?” My feelings at the moment is that she shouldn’t as she is too frail and will suffer badly with the side effects and the traveling but this makes me feel like a killer. If she has the treatment and does not have a quality of life afterwards and has to go through it all again she will suffer again. I know it’s about her life not my feelings but I want what’s best for her Please help me on what questions I should be asking as I feel so helpless and useless in this situation and I know my Mum will rely on me to advise her
Thank you

Hello Derek

The emotions you are going through are common to all of us who care about doing the right thing. It is difficult to decide what is right for a close loved one, as you can see from this past discussion with coloradocaregiver and similar discussion here. You may find them helpful. My advice is to ask all the questions about the radiation treatment, complications, survival chances, quality of life and other options. Only then can you and your mum make an informed decision.

Best wishes
Vinod