Dear All

I'm new to the group. My mother was diagnosed with base of tongue cancer in 2004 and had surgery and radiotherapy. She has now finished treatment and she is on 3 monthly follow up. She is glad that things look positive for her but she feels very angry towards the doctors for the delay in diagnosing her. Have any of you felt very angry towards the doctors who delayed you and your relatives/partners diagnosis, did you find any ways of coping? I would be grateful for anything, as sometimes I find it very hard to deal with all of this, as I don't seem to be able to say anything that that can make her feel better. Kind regards Kat

HiYa Kat123,

I have suffered from delayed referral from the GP first for heart disease that resulted in a by pass operation and latterly with cancer of the larynx. I was not so much angry with the GP's as frustrated. I think your Mum might appreciate when I say that we KNOW when we are ill, well I did. I rarely visit the doctor and when I do it is because I cannot shake off what is troubling me.

However I dealt with that by demanding after a period of 3 and 2 months respectively to be referred and on each ocassion I had the good fortune to have private medical insurance the consulations were made within a week and diagnosis in both instances almost instant, and treatent follwed relatively quickly, almost instantly re the cancer.

If the trouble lay with the consulatnats I can understand your Mum's anger, they are the specialists who should know! GP's are what they say on the tin - general practitioners, they are not specialists and they are not looking for the worst unless the presenting symptoms ring alarm bells and frequently they don't.

How to deal with that anger? Ask your Mum to think "what if" had she had been diagnosed earlier, what options would that have given her, if any. I suspect that the answer may be not a lot but if there was a non invasive solution that was missed due to failure by specialists to recognise the problem then of course she could sue for medical malpractice, but that is not a route I would take personally, nor recommend. Even our specialists are human and can err, I am sure those who do have a mountain of guilt to live with and they chastise themselves more than their patients ever could!

So my advice is to recognise fault, blame even and blow up at her consultants/oncologists but then forgive them personally and be thankful that she is now being treated effectively. Forgiveness is I can assure your Mum divine and an effective balm and healer of wounds finally putting to bed the wrong committed against her in all probability innocently not wilfully or maliciously.

I pray that she can do this. I will take your Mum's anger if you repeat this message to her, this is my advice not yours and ask for her forgiveness for my frankness. May God continue to pour His blessings on you and all whom you love. DWR

Hello Kat123

Others have also felt anger about a delayed diagnosis or their situation and you may find these previous discussions related to anger helpful.

Best wishes
Vinod

Hi Kat,
Yes I had problem with a GP at home also. After urging my husband to go to our GP for a persistant lesion on his tongue she told him " nothing much to worry about, go to dentist as they like to look at these things", she was not concerned at all. We were flying out to Australia within a few days after her consultation- to start a new life, only to find out that he had scc of tongue. We really would not have left home and go to the opposite side of the world.
Malpractise I would say, maybe she had not seen or diagnosed many young 36yr old men with mouth cancer but her lack of concern and total dismissive attitude made me so angry -

moira

I know that martyn felt very bitter towards his GP and also his consultant, when he first went to his gp with his hoarse voice he was told tonsilitus. After his first diagnosis in august of last year when he only had a stage 1 cancer resulting in lazer treatment, within 4 months he was told he had a stage 4 cancer and needed his voice box removing, if a scan had of been offered he may well still have his voice box and may well not be breathing through a hole in his neck. We were told cancer of the larynx is a slow growing, it didnt seem like that when we were told. Martyn very much dislikes going to any foolow up appiontment as he fears it will result in bad news.

My (not my regular GP) insisted on my taking sudafed following my complaint of a sizeable lump on my tongue which was giving me left sided earache, as well as pain on my tongue of course. Her quite laughable diagnosis of sinus and ear canal blockage forced me to pursue a hospital opinion by myself.......and the rest as they say is history.
SSC in tongue / neck.
OK now after the nightmare of Rad treatment etc but i'm not sure if i'll trust a GP's judgement again if anything serious should arise.
If in doubt, seek 2nd opinion every time.
Although Gp's have a wide knowledge of ailments, few are trained oncologists and the patient should be given the benefit of the doubt when something just doesn't feel right.
It's your life at stake