Dear Liz,
I think I have answered your post in the new debate post. Think over what I have said and take a vote and lets see how many say yes to what or how I have lived is what life is and what you feel is what life should have been. I like to see how many would like to to have led the life I did.
I honestly mean take a VOTE - all are invited.
Lots and lots of love, xxx and hugs,
Ananth

Jees Guys

I'm stuck to this interaction like S--- to a Shovel.
Just to shock you too, I'm not even going to stick my sneck (that's a nose Ananth) in the discussion.(Not yet anyway)
Please, please do continue though, the content has really made me think!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love
SusieR xx

Oh Susie,
I thought I had an ally in you - so you better join in the debate. As I mentioned the more the merrier. I am actually dreading what Liz has to say and what Lorraine feels. They all want to pickle a part of me and I do not feel too comfortable with that idea!!!
So - here is to you,
All my love, xxx and hugs ( I always give them to all the ladies even though they may not always be correct!!!)
Ananth

Hi Ananth

well i guess its gloves off time then!!!
You have lived your life the way you wanted to,you have squeezed every last ounce out of it and have no regrets i admire you for that,not many people in this world can say or do the same thing.
You have drunk your fill from the well of life,missed out on nothing,loved where you wanted too,laughed,cried, travelled first class,worked hard,been successful through your own efforts,and wanted for nothing materially.

Along the way you have touched the lives of two women,and fathered four children,and never once in all the things you write do i see any mention of how all this has affected them.

They obviously love you very much and rather than lose you are both living a life of compromise.I bet neither of them are really as happy about that as you think.

Its not in a womans nature to be happy sharing her love with someone else,because most of us want it all.We want our man with us, every Christmas,every birthday,every anniversary every holiday,every first milestone our children reach.Our children want their Dad to be at every concert they are in or football match or cricket match ,we need our man to be there to talk things through and share the every day problems of bringing up a family.
Not every one has such a luxury and there are millions of one parent families who manage perfectly well,but not many where the Father of the group is absent only because he has two families and cant or won't be all things to everyone all the time.

I wonder how Dolores will feel in Spain when your Mother rings to tell her your health is deteriorating and you dont have long left.Will she be able to get the kids,jump on a plane and be with you ,or will she have to stay put and explain to the children and live with the knowledge that all the expressions of condolence will be for Sonya and her two children and she will not be included in whatever memoriums there will be for you.

As for all that crap about people forgetting and moving on ,thats B***S*** and you know it.It would make life so easy if it were true.

When i found out that Robin had less then a month to live i wanted to screw out every precious moment we had left. Every word we spoke,every look,touch,the tears we shed,the laughter we shared the decisions we made till the minute he stopped breathing,were my last and lasting memories,and i couldn't go on living without them.
At the moment i dont particularly want to live with them either but i am sure that will pass.

Bottom line Ananth, we all live with the hand we are dealt and a few,just a few of us get to choose how that will be and have the wherewithall to make it happen,most of us dont.

The one thing we all have in common is that we touch other peoples lives on our journey,and it is how we interact with those people that can make the difference between true happiness and making do,while always remembering that having someones love and respect is a reponsibilty in itself,and holding someones heart is a precious gift.How you treat that gift is a skill that a lot of people never aquire,but it should be afforded the utmost care.

Yes there is life outside of Harewood if i want it and over the years i have tried life in various parts of this country,but i always come home to the place where my heart is because ultimately it is filled with the people who love me,for me warts and all and the one thing that soothes my soul is the love of my family and knowing i have nothing to prove.

I will say again Ananth if you are happy then you most definately have done nothing wrong,you have done what is right for you,and when you skid headlong through those pearly gates it will be knowing you had it all and did it all and have no regrets.
I just question wether your two families you will feel the same.
I loved the extracts from the film, they are very moving,but lets just agree to differ dear Ananth. You dont understand my way and i dont understand yours,but its been great fun laughing and learning along the way.Lets just make sure we keep the respect for each others choices. After all in life there is no right or wrong its mostly making it up as you go along and hoping for the best.

much love
The boring old lady in Harewood

Dearest Liz,
I have no doubts that what you say has a lot of thought behind it. As I have said a number of times - things happen at times when least expected and thats when when one things life is a ball - everything comes crashing down. The only way to survive it by joining it (life) as it moves along.
There are millions of people in this world who have had to face such delimas and I would not think they would have done things more differently if they did care or just walked out if they did not. I did not and took it on my self to take on the responsibility even though it was not my cup of tea.
AS I have written in the other post - life is not about telling the whole world what a great guy I am or what a drab I am. Its just a way to keep things light and to let each one look into the mirror and see a part of themselves.
I never ever expected things to turn out the way they did and all because of one incident - but it did and turned my life around. I found it difficult at that time to accept but with time it just become a part of one and you carry on with life and make the best of it as possible.
I have been called every name possible - I have been sought after, I have been abused, I have been dumped, I have dumped - but then life is such and whats it without having lived it to its fullest.
I really do not mind cutting off this debate if it makes people unhappy as noone likes to show themelves in their true colors to the world. We are all scared as to what other people will say when its not going to make a difference in our lives at all.
As I keep repeating rdoc is the only place where one can do these things as each one is so close to each other and everyone needs an outlet to the trauma that each one of have been through. The only person who has taken it on himself to play this debate is I and I accept I am the one who should receive al the brick bats - but these are lessons in life which each one of us have lived in various forms but do not want to accept. If you look at it from one point of view - I am a cad but you look at it from another you may see a good guy. Its the perspective through which one looks at life.

It may seem I am arguing with you - no I am not. Not with you or anyone else - but the mere fact that there have been so many posts - it means people do try and find themselves in others. That is what my point is. Its very easy to find fault with others, but had I not posted anything - I would have been faultless - a great guy, with a zest for life. Then suddenly, I become a cad, a tease, inhuman,remorseless just because I decided to tell you all that life is not about being all goody goody. If that was the case there would be nothing bad in this world. Things are - and noone is excatly what they show. Its only a few who take upon themselves to come out in the open and say - this is the real me - take it or leave it. Which is better - give one an impression I am an angel or tell as to excatly what I am?

Yes - I have many faults and I know I am not perfect and never have. I have had a drive and a lot of ambition and have achieved it by not just hardwork but also by thinking and being ruthless. I had certain obligations that I had to fulfill and that was towards my parents and that was more important then anything else. As long as I was able to provide for all the sacrifices they did for me - it does not matter what the world thinks of me. If I have ruined someone - that was his destiny and my gain and if someone beat me down - it was his gain. Winning and loosing is a part of life - but its how one gets up after each blow is what counts. at 42 - it was not the time to recieve news that I had cancer but then it was a blow that knocked me down, my luck was that I managed to withstand the blow but not totally. I made use of the chance to settle things and then let the battle restart and I know I am losing this one but I have the satisfaction that I have played fair.

With lots and lots of love to the only one who has had the guts to tell me everything that was wrong with me!!
XXX and hugs,
Ananth

Hi Ananth, Hi All,

Ananth Darling,
I would never gang up on you (from Ananth's post on other topic) and I don't think that Liz and the girls are doing that either.
Being a woman and having the same set of 'bits' and hormones as the girls, I can certainly understand where they are coming from BUT because I've lived alot of my time knocking around with boys/men and was considered to be (excuse me here please) ('One of the boys-with tits') I can also understand where you are coming from too.
I'm not proud of myself when I say this, far from it but I also have had a pretty complicated time as far as relationships go. I know one thing. I would never be brave enough to put my past up for disscussion like you have.

I would think some would consider that I f'd up big time and when I 'go' I will probably leave some broken hearts because of my behaviour. All I can say for myself is, I did what I felt to be right at the time and put all my love into what I was doing.

We are all individual and I doubt any of us here will live our lives in a way that we would all agree with.
That's what makes each one of us unique. If we were all the same, thought the same, behaved the same, life might be easiser but it would be pretty damn boring too.
Life is a whole big learning curve and I think at the end of the day, if you have managed to do your best for your loved one's/the important people in your life, in which ever way you can, well you've done your best.
No one is perfect in anyones eyes, (me right up at the front of the line) we all have our idiocincrises[?] but if we live our lives with love and give it with the best of our abilities, I think we will have done a pretty damn good job.

It's great to hear you are feeling well, still exercising. The horse riding made me squeal laughing. I still ride quite a bit and have been through the skinned/sore ass bit too! It sounds like you could have benifitted from a great massage, I wonder who could have provided that? !!! XXXXX.

Lots of love and hugs,
Susie. X X X X X X

P.S What about a picture of you in your modeling heyday. I'd love to see one. X X

Dear Suzie,
I am really glad that you put down that you have also done things but have not been upto posting them as I have. I wish everyone would first see withen themselves and then preach. This debate was never ment to be but just came up. I was not asking anyone to judge me but if that is what people want to do - I felt I should defend myself or go hide behind some womans skirt!!.
You words are really what life is and noone is perfect. One is never the same when one is 20 and when one is 30 and when one reaches 40. However, anyone who tells me that their life has been as pure as Virgin Mary's needs to look deep at themselves. The only thing is people like to potray what they want the world to see them as and not what they have done on some or many ocassions. It requires a lot of heart and guts to stand up and say yes - I have lived to the hilt and the only judge to my life is I and noone else.

As for the riding - I was not used to bare abck for quite some time and show off time had me really bad for some time. Everything in my body was aching and I could have been called Captain Sourass and it would be the right thing.Yes, I will be posting some snaps - I will send them to Vinod and will leave it to him to decide where and how he wants them displayed.

Till later sweetheart,
With lots and lots of love, xxx and hugs,
Ananth

Hi Ananth,

20, 30, 40, 50 whichever. I fully intend to live till I'm 102 and be shot by a jealous wife

Love Susie
X X X X

P.S. Would not have a clue what to suggest you get Dolores for Christmas, I'm not a present person so much as I would prefer just to be with the one I love, material things mean nothing to having the one you love return those feelings. I would say she got her present early, having you with her in Barcelona.

P.P.S. Can't wait to see the photos. Here is an early woweeee! xxx