Hi to all,
Being a Sunday and nothing really to do as the weather being what it is - is a bit dicey for me to venture out. And one is left alone to the mercy a Television and a Computer, I think its bliss. On such ocassions one can really delve into the past and think of a lot of "IF's" (If I had done this would this have happened and so on), one really goes back into time and try and see what was the best thing that could have happened to oneself and what was the worst. It also means - how good was the best thing and how bad was the worst. Was good something that could have been bettered or the worst converted into something nuetral. As I keep saying over and over again not just to almost all but even to myself - We cannot change the clock to reverse mode. What has happened has happened and nothing, nothing can ever change that.

I think the best thing that happened to me was that I was born to a wonderful set of parents from a very middle class family. My father who passed away in 1991 was the ideal Army officer and my mother, well mum! We are four, including me. I, the eldest followed by Sydney, then the US of A and finally the Army. However we never really knew what oppulance was and neither did we miss any thing that was a luxury. I recall we used to wear hand me downs, ride on bicycles, play cricket, hockey etc. and we were encouraged to do so.During this tender age I went through what I used then think was hell. With my Dad being the ideal Army officer -he had decided that I too must join the army in due course and had to be absolutely fit. I was made to get up at five am to go for a run, then go to the Gorkha regiment who were into boxing and so get hammered and then run back home to get ready for school. I think anyone who saw me then would have wondered where I kept going and hitting myself. School over - it was time for sports and I excelled in the same- badminton. I also indulged in squash, table tennis and was more then just good at all the sports. Sports over, it was time for a swim ( the army provides some of the ver best pools) and ensured I would do lap afer lap. Finally to finish the day I had to run to the 61 Cavelry which is the only one of three exisiting that still mantain horses. My Dad being what he was used to make me ride until I found the inner part of my knees were almost bleeding. There would be no complaints from my side as that was scary and I did not like being scared especially by an army officer and my dad. He decided to better my self bare back riding would make the whole thing complete and luckily I managed to pull through( I have say here, that I enjoyed it). My study timings were fixed and there was no way I could deviate from the same.
Our pocket money was really just a token amount but we nevere really bothered about it as all our needs had already been taken care of. The most expensive gift my father and mother gave us was the very best of education and that till today is incomparable to all the wealth I posess today. Cutting the next couple of years short, I finished my high school at the ripe onl age of 14 years - something not common as the usual age was 16. The fall out of this ment I could not join University of my choice and so I took the best of what I could and before I knew it, I was a Bachelor of Commerce and I was just 17+. I then recall that one day when I was standing in front of Dad accepting the speech on smoking and then my results for joining the Army and going abroad for further studies. My father was very sure about the army but when the call up letter came, so did my tickets to Barcelona. To cut it short - he stopped talking to me for quite some time and only send me a card saying "thanks" after I had sent all at home Levis Jeans and some T shirts ( which were never available in India and people from the middle class could not think of owning a pair of jean -let alone levis). I gathered he had accepted me and wanted to the best for me even when I was in Spain and that was worrying all the time!!! I was just 17+ as I said when I left India and at that age to travel alone on a transconinetal haul was scary. Frankfurt airport was unbeieveable and I recall I decided to act older and ordred a beer and the lady gave me a beer. I was elated and asked her if I could drink it there - she must have thought I was nuts!( Probhition was a part of India in those days and there was no booze available any where). I sat down like a seasoned traveller and had my beer, which hit me hard as it was my first drink of any kind. Light headed and a liitle time I was sitting in an aircraft flying to Barcelona. If I was ever nervous - it was now. I could not speak the langauge,a family who could not speak english were to receive me and I decided that this was not worth it and wanted to get my return ticket done and get back to India as fast as possible. These brought back me back into the present of If's and was analysing what would I have done if this happened or that if something else if I had done the same in another manner...
(to be continued only if all - ALL say okay - the funny parts are still to come).

Ananth, you have got this reader waiting for the next installment ...

Hi Ananth

I'm a newcomer to this site (see intro), so hello!

How could you stop there ... it was just getting really good ... I'll buy your autobiography when it comes out!

Looking forewards to the next installment, all the best,

Sara

Hi Ananth!
Yes I wait with baited breath for the continuation of your life storym I suggest some photos to add to it.
Will it be like Harry Potter as in 7 books? I joke.
Good onya Ananth
Love TRev.



"Obstacles are what you see when you take your eye off the goal".

Dear Doctor Joshi, Sara and Trev - I was going to delete the story ( Part1). However, since I got a good response from the majority ( three and I !!) , I think I will continue. Check out a little later for the same. I will send the snaps at every age to Doctor Joshi and he would decide how to go about it.
Lots and lots of love,
Ananth

Hi Ananth
This is wierd. I had a dream about you last night. In it you told me you were bored and asked for suggestions. For some reason I told you to get a specially adapted vehicle, find a trusted companion/driver and set of to explore India in depth. Sorting out all the more unusal characters, places, customs etc. On the way you could promote and raise money for a kids cancer charity. You could appear on all the local media as you travelled, giving you a bit of attention, which I thought you might not mind!. When you got tired you could return home for a week or two and write your life story and recent experiences before setting off again and turn into a best selling author. You said you would think about it. Then I just logged on to find the first instalment already written!
Great minds eh? I have often thought lately how pleased I am to have exchanged ambition for memories. This ordeal of ours would be much harder without wonderful memories. I think we both have a lot of those.
Keep going
Love and regards
James.

Dear James,
Now I am convinced I must carry on and especially now that you have been dreeaming of me going all around India and doing things for charity and getting all the publicty. Who knows what would have happened if....... was all that was possible IF I had done it any other way.

I shall strive to entertain you all for. "IF ,"I had not written what I did what would I have done? I may still write my book IF all is okay and manage to finish it well in time (its been a lot of life in such a small number of years!!).
The story will be posted tonight once the world is asleep( you'd be still awake! - time difference between Sussex and Delhi!)

Before I go any further, let me just go back to high school where I met the most lovely girl – my first true love and if things had not taken the turn they did, I guess things would have been very different today. Though being the same age, I was ahead of her as far as studies went and that was fine as I had decided come what, I was going to marry her. Teenage loves hardly ever come alive but I was more then sure of this one. My parents adored her and so did her parents – the only obstacle in her parent’s plans was I. When the moment came for my journey to Spain, I was really torn into small pieces. Here again I think if I had not gone to Spain and joined the Army – I would have been married to her and very content with my life. But then that is an ”If” and “If” are things that do not happen because you did not do things any other way. I left for Europe only after promises that I would always be in love with her and wanted to spend my life with her. I maintain that till today – “If” things had turned out the way we wanted, she would have been by my side. Fate had other things in mind and her parents (in India they can!!) forced her to get married exactly two days before my first trip back home. Her husband was in the US of A and they came from the same clan (another major headache in India). They had got married in a rush when they heard I was coming and her husband went back to the US in a few hours of the marriage. I, however, met her and she was howling but then as I keep saying if things could be changed- it would have. She wanted to leave her husband and family and return with me – which was just not possible. I took a stance and told her that her that the only reason her husband had married her was because she was a lovely person. He had no clue of who Ananth was as much as Ananth knew about him. He had done me no harm intentionally and there was no reason for my doing anything to him. If she did come away with me- it would have met destroying a lot of families happiness, which was never my intention. Though miserable, I dropped her home and we decided never to ever be in contact with each other. Its thing I vented out my temper on her uncle who was the main culprit in the future.
Coming back to Barcelona Airport as I disembarked I was so queasy that I could hard stand let alone think! The questions of IF kept flashing through my mind (if it was worth it, what if there was no one outside and more) Anyway, I sat down for a while till the baggage came and had two quick cigarettes and contemplated on having another beer. Just thinking of the way it had hit me, I decided against it. Collecting my baggage I walked towards the exit and just stood there in awe. This was not something I was expecting – I guess after India nothing would be something I was expecting. Everything streamlined, clean roads and it was just Wow! Suddenly I saw this bulky woman running to me and said as Alan would say “Anath”. I smiled, nodded and said yes and from that moment that’s all I would be doing for some time - smiling and nodding. The whole family had come to receive me – my Spanish Papa, my Spanish brother, my Spanish sister and of the bulky woman my Spanish mama.
Before I could say Jack Robinson (I had no idea how one would say that in Spanish), I was bundled into a car with ‘mama and brother’ while “papa and sister” came in another. The time of the year – summer just setting in. I was like the village idiot who could not believe such places ever existed in the world and I just gaped and gaped till we reached this lovely house on the beach. I had no idea on which beach or which area of Barcelona I was in and that worried me. Then my food habits kicked in – though a non- vegetarian, it was not very normal to eat steaks rare or medium rare and especially since being a Hindu, I did not eat beef! The only thing we really understood was that I had no problems with eggs and French fries and even the eggs were a problem – how did I like them. A small vat with water was brought and one egg was put in to boil and I said no, next was a scrambled which was ok and the one I really appreciated was the omelet and fried – sunny side up. If it had not been for these two things I would have died of starvation! Going out for a pizza was a miserable task as I would find all weird things on my pizza and I would just force myself to eat it. The next came my clothes – no, no the clothes I was carrying would never do and so it was off shopping for some great jeans, t shirts, swimming trunks, undergarments (designer) and finally footwear each for separate occasions. This was mind boggling as I had given all the money I had - a grand total of US$ 500/- (that’s all an Indian was allowed to carry out of the country!!!), to Mama and looking at the prices my blood pressure was going bonkers. The day after my shopping trip I was driven to the Indian Embassy to confirm my arrival and get my money for the scholarship. From there it was to the Police Station where I had to register myself – no problems.
The problem that still remained was I had no clue of what anyone was talking about and I reciprocated in a similar manner. Yep – we all understood each other very well. The Papa and Mama knew that I smoked and kept wondering why I did not smoke in front of them. I used to smoke in front of my Dad never in front of any other elders. They found my way as crazy as I found theirs. I was given a carton of Winston cigarettes and a lovely gold lighter and with sign language I figured out I could smoke. They had kept a lovely bedroom for me and I had everything to be comfortable – a TV, a typewriter and of course a walk in closet. I remember the first time – walked out wearing my new jeans etc. I was the topic of all attention as to what I should change and what would look good. I took all this in my stride as I really did not have a choice.
Having landed in Summer and with the home being along the beach made me squirm a bit as when I looked out of my window, I would see women in the smallest of small bikinis and some who wanted a full tan was something I had to write home about!! The other nice thing about the home was, it had the works- a swimming pool, tennis courts, a basketball ball court and few more things. As I loved swimming it was a ball and I did not disappoint as far as tennis or basketball was concerned. Three months had passed by with the only words I could say were Hola and Te quiero! I would get strange looks from all the women at the discotheques and at times hated it. The “Ifs” were moving in my mind in full swing, and if anything was sinking into this peanut size of a brain, I had no idea what it was! One thing I gathered was that my studies would begin in September and still had some time to get “acquainted”.

Papa, Mama and my Spanish siblings decided it was time to send me on a date and got this lovely girl (lets leave names out) to take me in her car to a place called Montserrat – an amazing place. The crazy looking mountains, the church etc. was something I would never ever see if I were at the border in India. After going around for some time –she with her fluent Spanish and I in my fluent English decided to get something to eat. I had always been taught that the man picked up the tab but was told by a bystander that it was normal each pays for what they eat. I found it pretty crazy – but what the heck! The time came to get back home and she first drove me to her home. She asked me to come in but I refused and told her in sign language, I would be there listening to the music. She was out in no time with her kit (I then understood she was the captain of the girls basket ball team- where Mama was the honcho of all the sides, including the seniors). We reached home and as I opened the door to get out – she asked me if I was forgetting something. I had no clue what she was talking about but learnt really fast when she kissed me like I was the first guy she was smooching. This led me start thinking again about the “If s” – no one just kisses a person who you have known for a day. What made her do something like that? Well, shell shocked and also with a stupid grin pasted all over my face, I got out of the car as she did and caught my hand and we walked into the home hand in hand. I was wondering what people would say – seeing me hold hands!! That kiss kept me on a different mental level altogether – I was just sitting and grinning away. I decided if this was life – so be it. She too stayed the night at home and after dinner decided to take me out for a walk and I got another kiss and another. I am sure I was looking like a complete smiling moron by then! We reached home and after my daily routine of two showers, I said good night and went to my room. Guess who was standing at my door – none but the gorgeous kisser (she was really beautiful). I thought here comes the good night kiss and went towards my door – besides the good night kiss she had other plans which kept my heart palpating and I was ready for a heart attack. She wanted to know more about India and I had no idea as to how I was going to put that across. Well, she finally did get to know about India and I about Spain.
Soon it was September and time to shift home from the beach home to the city for the winter. The winter home was just right and warm and I took to the place really well. Meanwhile my Spanish classes were due to start and start they did in full swing. I had this tutor who would land up at eight am and work with me till eight pm – six days a week and no other holidays. My breakfast and lunch was to be had with him and that was tough, as he too had no idea about English as I had about Spanish. With time, I realized that I was talking Spanish and people could actually understand me. I could now finally get out of my meals of eggs and finger chips!!(I had begun an aversion to them!!). It had been a good eight months into my Spanish classes (never knew our Indian government was that nice!!) and I had started dating etc pretty confidently on my own. All my chums became extra friendly with me as the girls loved a guy with jet-black hair, a natural tan and blue eyes! They too wanted a piece of the piece of the cake and it was one happy group. The main test in regard to Spanish came when I was out on a “hot” date with a blonde who everyone would be staring at with envy (my pride!!)I suddenly began getting shooting pains on the right side of my abdomen. It came to a stage I could hardly walk and I asked my date to get me a cab and if she wanted to come - it would be great. I guess she did not want to get into any hassles about having me to lean on her. However, she did get the cab and I asked the cabbie to take to a particular hospital where my Spanish sister was a nurse and seeing me clutching my side – she called the doctor and in no time I had no appendix. I spend about three days in the hospital and the insurance was really prompt. My brother came to pick me up as the rest of the family had gone to Ibiza for a basket- ball match and he had stayed back for my sake. Oh! Wasn’t that nice. By now I knew the ways of the world and if he had not gone to Ibiza – there had to be a catch and I found out what the catch was the moment I walked out of the hospital after getting kissed here and there by all the nurses. I still had my stitches and we were at our favorite discotheque. I decided to sit in a corner and watch was happening and it was not tough to see that he had a new girlfriend and I was an object to impress her with. I went along till my stitches opened up and back to the hospital. This time I stayed there till the same came out.
Well, let me end this year as this is just an outline of a lot of things that happened during this period – which will emerge with time and it will be entertaining!!
( well if you have been though this episode as well and want me to carry one - please give me your consent!!!
Lots and lots of love,
Ananth

Can't wait for chapter three ....

Best, Sara

Hi,
This is more what I would term as the "outer layer" - I will going to and fro to make this reading really exciting, gripping and scary(naw - not scary ).

Love,
Ananth

Dear Sara,
I have been reading all your posts and the sound advise you were getting from some of the most wonderful people one could get to know. I decidd to be the quiet reader and not butt in to something that I had no clue about. Yes, there were a few things I could relate to but not the rest so convincingly. The doctors who have treated me have got into the media saying " there cannot be a worse patient then Ananth!"- and accept that as I am a very adamant person and have strong like and dislikes. If I do not want to do something or do not want done, one can reast assured its not going to happen as in the case of my cancer. At stage IV, not (none) of our oncologist surgeons gave me a chance to save my voice and I did not believe that this was the only way out. I needed my voice- may i sound hoarse, sexy or whatever! I poured through various websites along with my wife and then came up with our own treatment method - the way I wanted to have it done.I flatly refused surgery and instead went in directly for Radiaition and Chemo. All was fine with no trace of the cancer, till the side effects of a massive overdose of radiation came around and I found I had developed a fistula between my air and food passage, making it impossible to eat, drink or breathe as all that I ate was going directly into my lungs and you may call it to an extent, I was drowning. So surgery it was - but my vocal cords were not touched as the doctors knew how "touchy" I was about that.All this led to other problems and the end result was that I now feed through a Peg tube and have been doing so for the past seven year. I have not sipped a drop of water in these seven years, eaten a burger or a pizza. Luckily, I managed to keep raising the bar before a depression could set in and would spend a lot of my time working out at the gym - not to become Arnie but to be ready in case of another surgery.
Well to cut it short here - in the last even years, I managed to see my sons grow in fine young men and was able to spend quality time with them as I was not running away from Country to country any more. However, as I keep saying - what will be will be and friend cancer has decided to make a come back. I had taken him on earlier but I knew this time it was not going to be possible and just accepted the fact. My doctors ( who are now more like my friends ) were more upset then I was!! and asked me to get admitted into hospital to which I refused. I refused to even let them see the extent my friend had taken over and that was that. I decided to let life take its course and enjoy every bit of life left, hit the bucket as fast as I could and come back reincarnated as a prince or a king. The doctors however made me go through some tests and also decided that I had done the right thing but could not actually give me a time frame ( I was a wierdo - who refused to die). They informed me it could be anything from three to six months and I was not just going to waste even one day depressed for longer then a little while before I went to sleep. With daybreak, I was back to my old tricks. Both my sons are aware of the situation as I explained it to them and they clearly have understood as to where I stand in life at this moment.After seeing me go through hell they matured faster then other kids of 11 and 9.I was not like a dad to them anymore but more like a very good friend where we could discuss everything ( including sex!). They are now 18 and 16 and though I indulge them in anything they want - it has not spoiled them in anyway. They are very polite to all elders and even to the poor. They do not differntiate between rich and poor, on the caste system etc.
I kdont know if you have been through my story(Ananth's story) on the main page - do so if you have the time.
Lots of love your, your family and especially to your Dad.
Ananth

Today I feel is a day, when I should give in to all the "IFs' and see where it would have taken me. Let me try and chart out what my life would have been if I had things in another manner.
So part 3 comes later.
Love to all,
Ananth

Stop teasing and start writing, Ananth lol
Deborah

Ananth, I'm waiting!

Dear Deb and Lorraine,
I have been writing without any preplan and a lot of things I do not remember at the moment when I am writing but are the really funny bits is a bit frustrating. The Ananth saga will be back on air tonight but with a difference of moving backward and forward - till we reach the end of 1980.
I was totally exhausted yesterday as I had to spend almost all day with the producers of what we have as the most popular channels called Star TV.They want to do a short film again and in Hindi!!- and my Hindi is so bad( I can speak it but cannot read). We discussed the possibilities of doing it in English. Well - you know, been there, done that and all that - so let things just carry on as they should.
Lots of love,xxx and hugs,
Ananth