Hi everyone,It's been a while since I've last been on the forum.....
I suppose I feel a bit of a fraud as I don't feel I have the right to be on here considering what the majority of you are going through, I am reasonably in good health physically.....mentally a different story!
I have recently been through 2 operations in the last two weeks, which have been really a trial,as most of you already know I was a professional singer until I had to undergo these dissections and rt treatment and my consultants have been amazing with me and have never gave up trying to save my voice...it was noticed that the rt treatment had caused a whole in my vocal cords and my consultant thought that he could fix this by doing a procedure using bio plastique, 2 weeks ago I went in for a trial and amazingly the minute I was brought round in the recovery ward my voice was 'NORMAL' over the next 5 hours it was recorded and I was so happy at the results, the nurse recording me was the same, I couldn't wait for the permanant procedure.........
A week past Tuesday I went into hospital actually looking forward to my operation, the usual checks were made, medical history etc and the fact that I need an anti sickness injection due to the nature of the procedure and previous experience with anaesthetic, my consultant told me I shouldn't speak for 2/3 days. 3 times my history was checked and noted that I needed the anti sickness injections (and I reminded them) it wasn't given, so imediately when I awoke I vomited constantly!!I came out of theatre at 11.30am...I saw my doctor at 5.30pm when I was still vomiting (HE WAS NOT PLEASED)
I was kept in hospital an extra day because of this and put on a drip, my voice has been VERY weak almost non existant since and I am convinced the excessive retching has caused this. I am so depressed and so low because I held out so much hope that my voice would come back....maybe not my singing voice, but at least my talking voice. It is now worse than when I went into hospital 2wks ago.
I know that there are more people worse off than me, but I don't know who else to talk to that can understand how I feel at the moment, It is quarter to 3 in the morning and i can't sleep, and I can feel the depression coming on me, I don't want to talk to people, I certainly don't want to talk on the phone, everyone strains to hear me,I'm better off staying quiet, but then thats a fault because everyone knows me as very chatty....
I have a hospital appointment tomorrow and I am very nervous about this, I decided that this was going to be my last operation (10th)on my throat, I am so sick and tired of being ill, but I really feel this time the hospital staff have messed up big time by not giving me the anti sickness injections and I am so bitter that they could have ruined my consultants work.

I apologise for going on, but I couldn't sleep and getting it out in the open will hopefully maybe make me feel better....I'll keep you posted

Tracey

Hello Tracey ,remember your fight and your posts well .I can understand how you must be feeling this has been very traumatic especially when your expectations were high.No wonder you feel totally gutted and upset . I would imagine extremely angry .It is really unforgiveable that part of the team did not administer the anti nausea especially when the operation was in such a sensitive area where by vomiting would cause a problem, someone really needs to apologise for this and be hauled over the coals .Obviously there has been an huge oversight especially when you yourself told them about it .You must make your feelings clear about this.

I know you are feeling really bad at moment and so depressed everyone here would feel the same Tracey .I am hoping and praying today for you that maybe everything is not as it may seem and the vomitting has caused a set back in healing and expected results .Could be today they will apologise and tell you that in a week or so your beautiful voice will return and the operation will have been a success .Anaesthetics themselves combined with intricate surgery in the throat area does usually cause speech problems for a little while and could be the acid wih the vomiting has also caused burning which should heal, but none the less could and should have been avoided .

Please let us know hpw you get on today and definately explain your distress about the neglect of the anti nausea ,these feelings are better out than in .

Will be thinking about you today and I am praying that they will say things will okay .

Try and stay positive and have all your questions written down .The news today might be really good Tracey and just mean a little more time till your throat recovers from vomiting and operation .

Bell x

Bell thank you for your reply, I really am finding it hard to stay positive, I am so angry,upset and devastated and every other feeling you can imagine, for something so important to be forgotten is unforgiveable and potentially disasterous for this procedure, as my consultant told me before hand that this procedure cannot be removed once it is in place.
It was imperrative that I did not vomit, and yet I did for hours! ever since I have been in pain (something that I haven't had,even after all the surgeries!) so I am convinced damage has been done.

I am just leaving to go to the hospital, so will be in touch later.

Thanks again
Tracey

Hello Tracey

After the surgery and vomiting the tissues will need time to heal (after two operations in two weeks!) but they do and you might pleasantly be surprised a few months down the line. Give them time. Think positive and don't dwell on what could have been done better but focus on how you wish to be. Keep well.

Best wishes
Vinod

Dear Tracey,
I recall the incident when I really went of my rocker and offended you. I was wrong then and still apologise for the same. I am really happy that things are turning out right and I have no doubts that you will start singing again.

There is no reason for you to be depressed as you did well even when you sang after the diagnosis and did get a standing ovation (I remember you feeling really good about it). You had the will and the dream to do it. As long as both are intact - there is no doubt that you will be on that big stage again - making a lot more people happy.

Just smile, keep humming and then let your voice come flowing out.Its just a matter of a while - in which you should give your voice some rest. The moment things are fresh, your voice will come back and your life will be on a song! .

Take care and keep in touch.
Lots of love,
Ananth

Tracey, sorry to hear that you're down at the moment but try not to worry too much. Dr Joshi knows his stuff and all is not lost. You dont need to apologise either, that's what we're all here for. Keep your chin up. Hagg.

Hi Tracey sorry you are down This is probably just natures way of healing. It is making you rest your voice. Don't give up hope yet you have come too far with this to do that.

keep talking to us

Mum
xx