Hi there Bell

Thanks for your update. I will be thinking of you today and hope you get some positive news re the scan that can lift Paul's spirits - poor thing, he really has been through hell in the last few months. I can't imagine what it has been like for him.

Well my weekend away did me the world of good and it was fab to be able to turn my caring side to my friend - a single parent genetic scientist with a lovely daughter who has an audio processing problems and is thus behind in some learning areas. This is a real worry for Mum who tends to put enormous pressure on herself trying to be a brilliant professional and Mum. Life doesn't seem easy for anyone.

Chaz returned late last night after his weekend with Alex and is certainly less depressed than he was last week. I am relieved that lumbago that has been going on for weeks seems to have eased a bit as I couldnt help worrying that there might be a more sinister reason for pain. I haven't asked about sore throat again, but imagine if it was severe Chaz would have volunteered information.

Must get on and do some work. I am sure your day won't be easy and can imagine the horrid butterfly in tummy feeling you are probably having only to well. I do hope you get some good news. You both really deserve it.

Love to you both,

Cathy

Hey Bell
will be splitting my thoughts between you and our colonial pal today.let me know how it goes.

liz xx

Hoping that you get some answers today.
Good luck Bell.
Michelle x

Hello,been sitting here at computer wondering really how to post .Yesterday was bad news .CT shows huge difference from previous scans and marked spread with bone areas looking very moth eaten .He and radiologists positive it has spread from original site, small possibilty it could also be necrosis.Face pain,voice and throat problems all stemming from this .Regardless which it is the outcome will be the same nothing can be done as area is inoperable .

He is going to confer with Dr Nutting at London and also Glagow but think the best they will come up with is paliative chemo and at moment Paul still getting over chest infection and very weak . His pain is under control at moment and so desperately trying to get on his feet .Eating and drinking still difficult but he is managing .

Feeling numb and still full of questions feel cheated he did another 6 weeks of IMRT RT this time last year and between February and now this has grown so quickly .Paul was so calm yesterday and said he knew himself things were not as they should be, he asked consultant how long did he have as there were important things he had to make decisions on next month .The answer was don't rush into anything immediately and there would be a little time yet.He didnt say 6 months or 6 weeks basically he didn't know .

Kind of lost the plot a little and asked so many questions I didn't get straight answers to ,probably because he didnt have them .Needed to know what we could expect and how best I could manage them for example theese terrible infections should he be on constant anti biotics etc so he thought it best to discuss this with hospice pain control and GP .Paul asked how he would die would it be lack of oxygen or more paralysis similar to stroke causing problems etc but again he didn't have any answers and said would depend on direction of the spread , symton control would be monitored and treated wisely .

Spoke to our daughters last night and it was difficult, would probably have been best if I had asked them down at weekend but they knew we had results yesterday and couldnt lie to them .

Don't know how today will go ,think we are both trying to adjust to the fact there is no other hope now .

I suppose we will need to see what London and Glasgow have to say now but have a feeling Paul is so unwell at moment and would just like to get a bit stronger and try enjoy what time he has left without more sickness from palliatve Chemo which at this point I know his body could not tolerate .

Can't think of anything else to say at moment and we will take some time out for a day or so to sort out emotions .

Thank you to everyone for your support it is a great comfort.

Bell

dear bell
this was not the news i wanted to see,i am so sorry, words are not enough right now.as you say time out to sort your emotions out is probably the best thing to do right now hon.you are in my thoughts as always,with much love to you both,shirl xxx

Dear Bell and Paul,

I am so, so sorry to read your news. Words fail me at the moment I am just trying to come to terms with your post and desperately hoping that the Marsden can come up with some options.

Its not very often that I am stumped for words, but I truly am at the moment. My thoughts and love will be with you throughout the day and I hope that we will all be able to continue to over you support during what will undoubtedly be a very difficult time.

With love and great sadness,

Cathy

Oh no Bell, I'm sooo so sorry. After everything you went through with the IMRT. Why have they left it so long between scans?
Again, words aren't enough. It's all so desperately unfair. Poor Pauls been through enough!
You must be beside youself... I hope your family are rallying round to support you through thhis. It's too much for you to deal with alone.
My love to you both.
Michelle

There are no words which will make any difference, but you must know how much we are all thinking about you.


xxxx

Hello Bell,

I've been following your posts and am very saddened to read of your latest news. I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling at the moment. We can only hope that Paul finds strength and is pain free enough to enjoy his remaining time as much as possible.

It goes without saying Bell that everyone is here for you and I'm sure you know that anyway.

Thinking of you both.

Lorraine & Robert

Dear Bell

I can only add like Lorraine and all the others we too have been following your updates, words fail, our thoughts go out to you and Paul and your family.

Regards

Tony and Kathy

so so sorry to hear this news, anything at all I can do Bell please say, keep strong x

I'm so sorry to hear your news. Love to both of you.

Mimi

So so very sorry Bell. I will keep you in my thoughts. Remember you are never alone. There is always someone on this wonderful site.

Take care
love to you both
Mum
xxxx

Dear Bell
My breaking heart goes out to you and Paul and your family.
Our love to you both particularly
Deborah

What a hellish 2009 it has been for you. I know it makes no difference now but I wonder why so long was left between the Feb scan and now, then the interminable wait is so cruel. Time to regroup and hopefully the learned ones will be able to answer your questions, maybe you need one of your daughters with you next time.

There is nothing more to add than what everyone else had said. I hope the strength of the support here gives you some solace.