Has anyone ever felt so desperately alone and has found them selves so unhappy they can’t even breathe when trying to cry
It happens all the time to me I can’t look at people anymore I am so horrified when I look at my distorted face3 in the mirror

My 23 month old daughter is the only person that looks at me in the eyes she even asked in my moment of desperation this evening what’s wrong what’s wrong what’s !!!! Mummy mummy!!!!!

Melanie, Melanie - If I could dash round and give you a hug I would certainly do that. Sweetheart, you are so young and this shouldn't be happening to you. Please know that we are here and we KNOW how you are feeling and what you are going through. Just keep on pouring it all out on here. But - you must talk to your doctor before you let these feelings overcome you. For your little girl's sake you must talk to someone. Do you have family nearby or a good friend? People dont know how to react or what to say when faced with someone who looks a bit 'different' but if you can put them at their ease, be natural, look THEM in the eye and they will see the beautiful person that you are.

If you ever want to chat privately you can email me at brenda.brady@consil.co.uk

Now blow your nose, wash your face, tell yourself you are beautiful and have a nice cup of tea!! You are the most important person in your daughter's world....and that's all that matters.

There will be loads of love flying your way tonight. God bless. Brenda x

Thank You for your words
I have emailed you.

Mel xx

Melanie.
I know the feeling of despair and its difficult to pull yourself out of it but youv'e got to keep looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. It will come.
I'm a musician and an Author. If you would like me to send you a book and a C.D. from my stock I will happily oblige....free of charge. I think you'll enjoy them.
Stevieo1958@aol.com

Good Morning Mel.
I'm 70 and male so appearance doesn't matter too much to me but I can well understand what it means to you.
In the early days after the chaps with the stanley knives and office staplers had finished with me I wondered how I was going to face my friends and family,I would like to pass on a few thoughts which may be of some little help.
A couple of days after the "big job" my younger daughter,Jane, came to see me and found someone who looked a little familiar;festooned in drips and drains ,surrounded by gadgets which clicked and gurgled, left arm in a sort of builders scaffolding and a row of fifty odd staples from behind my right ear to my shoulder and then to my chin, Jane looked at me for some moments then said "you know dad I think they have made a distinct improvement!"
A couple of weeks later my two granddaughters came to see me,when they entered the room I said "hi gang, I look a bit different but I'm still the same old grandad inside" they looked at each other then at me and the elder one(10) said of course you are grandad and you don't look much different to me.
These two experiences did me the world of good,they taught me that people are prepared to accept you as though there was no change.
When you greet someone with an air of confidence you will put the other person at ease and they will respond likewise,but a nervous approach will be infectious and lead to a difficult conversation for both.At first it is not easy but give it a try and a positive response will give you a big boost.
Your daughter will not be as concerned about the change in your appearance as the change in your temperament,she loves you Mel and is completely dependant on you, try to be brave for her sake.
I know that I tend to ramble on but if a couple of words are helpfull the then the other few hundred are worthwhile.
Keep in touch,Mel, there are a lot of very genuine people on this web site who have travelled the road which you find yourself on and would be so happy to offer what help we can.
Keep Smiling
John

Thank you John

I completely understand what you mean in regards to the way you respond to others in turn is the way they will respond to you and I have to say I generally live by that I sometimes avoid putting my self in particular situations especially big social ones but I can force my self and often do because of my daughter I have been to weddings birthday parties bbqs and other gatherings most of which I have just wanted the earth to swallow me but I generally mask it and embrace people. The only people that respond badly if im honest have been my family and who I thought were really close friends which really does not help. to be honest I was having a bad night and today is now another day I know you have all been extremely genuine and it is very therapeutic having the ability to be so honest on this sight
Best wishes to you all
And yes after my trauma of the Stanley knife and sometimes lack of support from loved ones I am still smiling mostly because my little girl can’t help but do something hilariously funny and innocent several times during the day

Mel xx

I know that awful feeling of going to the dark side and seeing no way back. When I was in the hospital waiting for my big operation and coping with the recent death of my mother they sent someone to talk to me. A therapist named Maureen. She helped me find my way back and the strength to endure. After my operation again she was there for me to cope with everything. And to this day we keep in touch by e-mail. I consider her not only my therapist but my friend. Please oh please find someone you can talk to and rely on. I'm sure your physician can recommend someone. Take care and try to hang in there. al

Hi Everyone! I haven't been here in a while because Doug is here now and I don't want to make him feel self-conscious but when I read this posting I just had to say something!: Doug and I were only together for about a year when he got diagnosed and yes, he looks different than the man I initially fell in love with but really not so much and I love him so I wouldn't care anyway. The only time it is hard to look at him is when he is so sad and depressed because it hurts me to se him that way but when he has his moments of happiness and I see light in his beautiful blue eyes....everything is the same as the old days. Honestly he feels like he looks worse than he actually does and I hope he reads this Anyway, I wish I could say something that would realy make you feel better but all I can do is tell you how I feel about Doug and how I love him more now for almost having lost him and I don't see the scar except when he is self conscious about it. I am rambling now but if you ever want to chat I can give you my email and while I have been writing this, Doug sends his regards and says to tell you he understands how you feel. Much love!

Good for you Mel,stick at it and you will get there,it won't be long before you are telling other people how to face up to the problems.
There is a threshold, some people get there quickly others take a little longer but once you cross life improves no end.
Children are the most genuine little souls,they don't have the hang ups which tend to affect adults,I think your little girl will give a lot of the strength and determination you need.
Keep Smiling
John

THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT ALL YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM AND EXPERIENCE ARE OF GREAT VALUE TO ME MORE THAN ANY OF YOU WILL EVER KNOW.

Sometimes I don’t want or even need to talk. I just need a great big hug someone to relieve my pain, stress, heartache, anger, anxiety, confusion and unhappiness release all my whirl wind of emotions. That silent hug/embrace or comfort for a few moments where the other person just takes that tension and subtracts those feelings during that moment that I just cant seem to catch the oxygen in the air. At this time in my life I can honestly say I do not have any one to do that for me and this is what I sometimes find difficult. Just especially when im on my own maybe at night or even in the day when im driving and here a song on the radio which send me into floods of tears I am not by any means saying a hug makes all your troubles go away but I don’t have anyone to let my feelings run away with me that knows what’s happened chapter for chapter and just lets me cry.

I am having cognitive therapy my psychologists name is Rachel I have developed a good relationship with her over the past year. I also have contact with two very good counsellors Gill and Jan who have been extremely good. I have more than my fare share of people that I talk to and muddle through my feelings emotions and practical solutions with. I am slowly getting there sometimes, I wish the CANCER was the only challenge in my life but unfortunately I have had many other challenges in my short life that I would rather not talk about but never the less have caused me a great deal of unhappiness even before the cancer.

I am mumbling on the bright side I am enrolling on my degree course on Thursday and am going to the theatre tomo evening to see Chicago. And my lovely daughter will be 2 on the 30th

Mel xxxx