quote:

Originally posted by ANANTH:
.. I am talking about the girls in the true sense, who I really loved and was loved equally as much - however we were seperated by circumstances. Do you think, they remember me and think of the good times we had and feel something (like sad ) that things ended when we really wanted to be together? Do you think, I often come into a ladies mind, who I loved and still do as she loved me after 25 years. Do you, as a woman, can ever get me out of your system and still think of me and wish we had never left each other of whatever reason?[b] Ananth

Dear Ananth
I think many people fall in love with more than one person over a long period of time in their lifetime. I do not believe there is only one person who is destined to be the love of your life. I think that it is perfectly normal for thoughts of those people you once knew to occasionally flit through your mind, however happy or unhappy you are in a marriage or relationship now. Those memories are after all part of your life. I did not marry as young as some, so I was in love (yes really in love) other times plus plenty of infatuations on top of that.

I love different things in my husband than those other men. It is impossible to compare him with others, because he is exactly what I have wanted, loved and needed since we met. We both agree that had we met in our 20s we probably would not be together. I have bumped into odd old flames and been very relieved they were not my husband today! Different times, different desires.

I think your stumbling word though is ‘often’. No I don’t often think of ex’s often, but now and then one is part of a memory of a time, a place, a song or old photo. Those memories are important and part of our own private world in which we were our growing self and we can be transported there if we so desire. But if you have no need to dwell on the past why do so now.
Happy days for me are the here and now, but I am very glad to have lived in interesting times! So should you be too.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: PaulineT,

Dear Pauline,
I think you are closest to what I was thinking or asking. I just wanted to know if old flames who was not or did not turn out the right one for you - does that person enter your mind at times - or are they just forgotten?
It was just curiosity to hear the reply from a womans point of view and nothing more.
Lots of love,
Ananth

Ananth,

I believe you can trust that your feelings are matched by the person with whom you shared a significant relationship years ago, even if your paths never cross again. (One could even say that it is best that your paths don't cross again, since you both have other commitments, but that doesn't negate the beauty and depth of a relationship once shared.)

Even if she does not have as much time to reflect on the past as you do at this time in your life, if you two had a deep and mutual connection, I am confident it is not something she would forget.

That being said, I hope that you are able to embrace the goodness of that memory while still appreciating or perhaps discovering anew the goodness of relationships that are in your life here and now.

Take care,
Susan

Dear Susan,
At the offset - I apologise for not having posted a welcome note the moment you posted yours.
This is a question that I have asked myself a number of times - do these people even think of the times (at least the good ones) we shared, even though we were not meant for each other and somehow went our seperate ways. We all are married, have our children and life has gone by? Do these people think in a manner - what if I was still with him, what is he doing, where is he, is he married etc?.What would their reaction be to find out about my cancer?I know I reflect on a lot of old flames and think of each one as a fantastic experience and memory - in a nutshell - I recall all the goodtimes I shared with them -those who were special to me. I can hardly recall the others who were just walked in and out of my doors and if you ask me to name them - I would not be able to name more then a few (though guess I may have been special to them?)
You know Susan - Pauline and you have been almost there with the answer and I think you were closer.I have this feeling you will be improve on the post as you are really so close. I purposely put this question to women as I being a man know how I feel and think about them but is the same for women? All of us have our seperate lives to lead etc. We may have made a pact to never ever meet again - yet I even after so many years have always thought of these special people - Do ladies who the pact was made with, are married and have their kids, a good husband etc. also think of the guy she wanted to actually spend her life with and really cared for him - but how the circumstances drove them apart and however happy she is in her marraige, she does think at times--- what if??

Lots of love and (as may have heard of my being the 'hugger' of the forum) lots of hugs and xxx (for you) and also a love and hugs for Stephen.

Ananth

The answer Ananth is yes.

I was married in 1976.My daughter was born 11 months later,and due to financial reasons i got an evening job in a local bar one month after her birth.
About six months after i started the job,and on a busy Friday night,i had the strangest feeling that someone was looking at me.I looked up and into the deepest brown eyes i had ever seen,and at that exact moment i knew i was looking at the man i was always meant to meet.He smiled at me and my knees turned to jelly,and my heart just raced.
I served him a pint of guiness and he spent the rest of the evening just watching me.When the pub closed a crowd of us moved onto a club round the corner for a sit down and a quiet drink,and suddenly he was there.He walked over to me and smiled,said hello and asked if he could join us.Three hours later,i felt as if i had known him all my life,and when he walked me home,we kissed.This started a pattern we were to follow for some time, he was working for the government and had been transferred from Ireland to Harrogate .He had a wife who was to join him eventually and he went home for weekends at first and then gradually he stopped going home.We were in love.The full works for ever and ever,and all we wanted was to be together and that is all we talked about,for six months.
I could tell you a lot more about this story but i won't bore you with any more ,other than to say when push came to shove,i couldn't break up my family,and when he told his father what he was planning he was threatened with hell fire and damnation as good catholics don't get divorced.

And so we stopped seeing each other and he stopped coming to the bar.Every year for the next three years on my birthday i got a telegram from him ,and when Philip was born in 1979 he turned up on my doorstep one lunch time.He came back a few times but it was too painful,and eventually we stopped communicating at all.afew years later i sat behind him and his wife in a theatre,and when he saw me his eyes filled with tears.
There was no sex,just emotions,and every now and again i get my hidden letters and photos out and look at them,and i do wonder what it would have been like and how he is doing.

I told Robin about him just after we started going out,and as i said to him at the time,if i had gone with Joseph i would never have met him.

So yes we do think fondly of people from the past,and wonder how it might have been,and then we put the thoughts away in the box with the memories,and move on.

My lovely Liz,
Firstly I never ever get bored and now I have reached the actual answer that I have been wanting to hear. Say a couple who were genuinely in love with each other and got seperated against their wishes by their families foul play and the girl was married off under duress - what would be her plight when she met up with the guy who had no clue what had happened and was crying, crying and crying away and as the guy knew nothing could be done he just let his emotions flow and then realised that what had happened had been done and over. There was nothing he could do as he refused to run away with her, which she wanted to. The guy did not want to hurt the chap she had married as sure enough he did not know about her love life and as she was not able to express herself, he thought all was fine and fell in love with her. It was not the guys fault and it would not be right to hurt him for something he did unknowingly - so the question of running away with her was a stupid thing to do and all one could do was accept the reality. Yes, they were meeting and seeing each other on the quiet until one day the guy decided that he was hurting someone else really badly and tried putting himself in that guys place and realsied how miserable he would have felt - so he told the girl who was his life that it was best they never meet ever again, never exchange addresses, or write letters as that would make her settle into a happier marraige. So he just snapped off all connections with her, though he was hurting very badly and could not bear to be with out her but yet had to do this for her future happiness and loyalty towards her husband.
Your answer is honestly the one closest one but if you can read into the the above explaination how would you think the girl/woman still felt for the guy after would she right away think of the guy?Anytime someone said something that the guy used to say make her happy - would she go straight into the past to the days when she was with the guy she loved?

Liz, please think it over very carefully as its the womans emotions I am talking about and not the mans. The guy has never ever forgotten her and kind of always remembers her with a lot of love and emotions.

Lots of love,
hugs and xxx,
Ananth
PS : remember one thing the way women are treated in India is very different from other places. They are taught to accept the man she has married and not ever be disloyal to him at any stage - and its something that has been drilled into every Indian girl.