Dear Everyone,
I had just about mentioned that I was getting severe pain on the right side of my face - but was adamant that I would not go to the hospital. I had made a promise to myself that I would never ever set foot in a hospital ever and am sticking by that. However - pressure from the wife, mum and sons forced me to at least go and get the thing checked. It was the pain in the ear that was bothering most. My doctor, this time did not aske me how I was feeling ( I think my wife had forewarned him) and instead had all his push up, push in, gadgets all in place. As MRIs in my case de still decided to go ahead with one. I was not even bothered as to what was happening as again as a matter of fact - if anything had to happen - it would! The Internal check up and the MRI showed up the return of my friend, Cancer. This time though he ensured that I was not getting away with it and in any case, I had fought my battles, had beaten him and the chances were that he would beat me one day. Cancer had returned and with a vengence ( guess its making for the seven years that I kept him at bay!) and has now decided to grow at a more rapid pace. I could understand the consequences when the doctor told me how people do survive etc ( all the stuff they give you to prepare you). It has spread a bit more then what any doctor can do.
He asked me to get admitted which I refused totally as I felt it was better to lead a full life in the sunshine rather then in the confines of a hopsital room getting injections one after another. I explained the whole scenario to my kids ( the younger ones B'day is today!) and think they too understood but did not agree with my thinking process. Anyway, the end matter is that the doctors do not give too much of time as treatment is pretty impossible. I cannot have radiation due to the overdose if it during the first round. Chemo is going to kill me and the worst is that knowing where I am headed, I see no reason why I should not enjoy what is left rather then moan and cry about it returning. Noone had said it would not return and I never looked at it as completely out of my system.
So, well thats all I have to say at the moment. Just or infor. the doctors decided to go with my wishes and have just asked me meet them once a week - which I promised I would. Luckily all my documents and the division of all assets are in place and have already been drilling my wife day in out about how to go about things. So far - things have been okay as the entire thing has not set in and none are looking at it as non reversable.
Hey Chicas - how come no news - except one from Deborah and three sisters . No I have no idea as to who they are but would have loved to get to have known them ( were they "hot"?). Australia really trashed England in todays match and its India playing Pakistan at the moment. I am really happy for all the people who have made so much progres and those who have healed well. I do imagine thats what a lot of love and affection does - though not only thru the family but also friends.
Well, nothing more to add at the moment except get ready for the Birthday bash (his sweet sixteenth)and then once again start going over everything once again.
Love you all,
Ananth

My dear Ananth...
I'm in tears as i type this and i'm not really sure what i can say.
I'm so so sorry this has happened to you again. It's so unfair and unjust and my heart breaks for you and your family.
Is there really nothing they can do now?
*beating you up the head for not going to get it checked sooner*
It seems from your words it hasn't quite sunk in yet.
How do you feel hun? Deep down?
I'm really devastated...

all my love,
Michelle

Dear Ananth

I echo all what michelle has said, it's just so unfair and will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts

XXX Mum

Hey folks,
Am still around, right? So why cry and mourn as if I have kicked the bucket? Its going to take time and I plan to have the time of my life till then. As I mentioned today is my younger sons birthday and we have a few special things lined up for him.Hope to give him a memorable day.
Coming to Michelle - Believe me I am not devasted in any way. You know that I just accept things as they come as neither you nor anyone else can change ones destiny and its def. not my idea of fun spending days and nights in a dreary hospital room with some real ugly sadistic nurses coming up with injections and what not. I had already made it very clear to all at home that I would under no circumstances be admitted into the hospital and have stuck by that till now. Pain killers are helping a great deal (and India's win over Pakistan!!!). I am happy for what has happened as I will be at least in peace - so why cry over it? There is no point in being scared as its the way of life - you win some and you loose some. I won a few battles but knew that Cancer would win the war at some stage. All said and done, though noone will agree this is also a blessing in disguise as it will open more doors and opportunities for all in the family who are bogged down right now because of the limbo I am in. Mum, thanks for your concern. It means a lot.
The above is just a statement and not for mourning over. I'll be around for some time - on that you can be rest assured. I will still be riding my bike as long as I can and flirting as long as I can! I have only mentioned this chapter of my life to you all and noone else besides my mum, wife and sons know what has happened and are trying their best to come to terms with it. There was no question of hiding things from my sons as they are far too mature for their ages and understand perfectly well what is happening. My favorite songs at the moment have become "Seasons in the sun" and the other "to all the girls I have loved before"! and both are really apt. It is a great life and will continue to be so.
As I tell all my friends - if they ever need help - all they have to do is call and no matter wherever I am, I'll come running to see you again - you've got a friend (Quote : Carol King)
So till later my sweethearts,
Ananth.

Hello Ananth
I have just found your post and I'm speechless, dumbstruck. It is only a few short weeks, Ananth since you stated you were ready for whatever came your way and if this is truly how you feel then I can appreciate the importance of honesty and organisation for you right now.
I lost an elderly friend to cancer about 12 years ago and I remember when I last saw her. She was very, very frail and she was telling me how all she had to do now was make it to her grandson's 21st. She said 'you know dear, we are all, always looking forward to something in our lives and now I have just the one thing'.
If the sight of the end of life enables you to see the value and beauty of each day, that can't be all bad.
Enjoy every moment Ananth (as I'm sure you will!), and I hope there are many, many more then you imagine.
Love from the Land Down Under
Deborah and poor old Tricky Trev
oxxo

Hi Ananth

Just do not know what to say

you have helped a lot of people here with your support,help and guidance and some humour

It is now our turn to support you

Love Dave and Sue

Hi Ananth
When I first started visiting this site, before I became a member, your story was one of the first I read and your determination to live as full a life as possible was an inspriration to me. Since then I have read so many of your posts and my admiration has grown. You have always been there with advice for all, including me. Like you I always have it in my mind that one day the cancer wil return and I too am determined that when it does I will sacrifice some time for the sake of a better quality of life. I try to live each day to the full and don't think of the long-term too often. I hope your family will come to terms with your decision and that you will continue to enjoy life. Beyond this I really don't know what else to say except there are many people here who care about you and will support you - but I think you know this. Take care, my friend.
Sheila

This message has been edited. Last edited by: SheilaC27,

Ananth,
I am so sorry to hear about the cancer returning. Like you and alot of others I know that one day this cancer will win, but till then I plan to live, live and live some more. If anything this has taught us to appreciate the little things that so many others ignore. Like you today is my son's birthday, he is 18 today. I am so grateful I had a good day yesterday. I was able to bake his favorite cake, pineapple upside down cake.
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Leann

So sorry to hear that Ananth. I echo everyone elses sentiments. Your bravery and attitude are amazing.

Dear Ananth,
I don't know what to say to you at this moment except how very sad I was reading your email. It is funny how we can have tears for someone we have never met but in our little chats together we feel a bond. Maybe I should make a wish that the Aussies don't beat you in cricket so you can have real joy!!!!
Everything that has already been said is how I also feel and I would like to send you a big Aussie Hug also, like Deborah and Trev and while Darrel and I watch the cricket we will know that you also will be keeping an eye on the matches. Thinking of you Dear Friend, Tracey

Hi Ananth!
I am not going to carry on about how sad things turned out for you as life has always been a gift and one should enjoy it to the full. YOU have been an inspiration to all of us and will be for a BLOODY long time yet to come. We have fed of your times and love of life.
I have read and reread your stories and enjoy them immensely and for that I thank you. I feel my small problems are insignificant and think "why am I dwelling on all this". I would like to be able to sit beside you and just talk about life as it is such a great thing to have. You read about all the people that are dying from floods, fire,stavation and look at our existence and how we have our lovely wives and partners beside us, and I think how lucky we are to have family and how much I love my children. WE HAVE EVERYTHING. So enjoy everything to the fullest and I will be thinking of you always
Love TREV

A loud hello and one great big hug to all,

I really do not ,(for once), have the words to describe my feelings. It is just fantastic to be able to communicate with each one of you. I am one lucky guy to have so many shoulders to lean upon and what more can a person want?

I called my doctor and asked him if there was any way and he replied in the negative but could not give me a set date. He has assured me one thing,however, that I will never suffer even in the last moments and till such time I should carry on with whatever I feel like doing. I am strictly following the doctors orders! I still run in the mornings and hit the gym in the evening but my day has changed around a bit. I prefer biking and what I would enjoy on a Sunday down the highway - I do it more often and touch speeds that are out of the world( No cops have caught me as yet as I vanish before they can even blink).
Trev you keep your spirits up and I can see you are doing a great job of it.Just remember - you have everything - so never ever regret anything and do everything that the world has to offer. Tracey-you and all the ladies have been my sweethearts (though cricket did take first place!)and the courage you all have shown is amazing and I am sure it will just carry on being so. I have always felt the woman is stronger then the man in many ways and all the postings here just prove it.Hagg - you are a great guy and as all great guys you are always there in my thoughts, To my friend goingagain - Birthdays,birthdays - they never seem to end. My son turned 16 and he did have a ball. He had two wishes ( both materialistic) - one a cellular phone which costs the earth and a chance to ride my bike. Well he got both his wishes. Please wish your son a very happy bithday and welcome him to adulthood.Dave & Sue - I dont have to repeat my feeling for you'll as I have mentioned it time and again.Shiela , that was a nice one about wishing Australia not trashing India. There is no point wishing as India is going to trash them in any case. I think I will manage to see the series through.Deborah - you have been more then just a friend and I really love the way you on the same wave length as Trev. I am sure things will get better and better.And finally - you, Ananth - you are not dead as yet - so stop groaning and carry on with life enjoying every minute more and more. You may land up in a lot of soups but like seven years ago - the devil hopefully has no place for guys like you. You are most likely to take over Haden and I do not think it would be appreciated.
Keep posting one each one as you'll progress and any kind of help that may be needed. As you mentioned even though we have never met - we are oceans apart - but are tied by a bond which not many people would like to be associated with. One thing more - never ever feel ashamed of showing yourself in public - as most otf the people you will see are strangers and will never see them agai. You friends already know and anyone who wants to shun you - well - you shun them. You have had more guts then any of these onlookers and fought battles that they could never even dream of fighting -let alone wining (I am saying this as I notice there is still that little bit of hestitation about going out).
I think I have more then just lucky - having benn born to a great set of parents, having had both my grandmothers dote on me,going to the very best of schools and University. , the faith my father showed at letting go of my hand at the age of 17, living a very different life in a lovely country,that I call home, having some of the most gorgeous women on my arms, falling in love umpteem number of times till I was cornered by Sonya and a crazy mother in law!!) then taking a full circle and becoming a Dad to two sons who have grown up well. I have no regrets about anything as I guess I was the child who was born with a golden spoon in my mouth. If you'll have not heard the two songs - I recommmend you hear them now - SEASONS IN THE SUN - by Terry Jack or by the Back Street Boys and TO ALL THE GIRLS... BY Julio Igleseas. I think both are very apt. Check them both out.

With all my love to everyone and hugs aglore to everyone. And as in Spain one kiss on either cheek and a hug - even if you are British and do not do such things!! ( Michelle!! ),
Ananth