Am I the only one who gets very down when I read on RDOC of peoples reoccurance of the dreaded C and some not making it.
I have had about 9 biopsies since my Operation but stil frightens me to death that it will be back soner rather than later, But it still does NOT give me the confidense or self estem to go out there and do what i want to do?
Would appreciate your comments god or bad
cheers

Paul

Good Morning Paul,
No you are not the only one to feel sad at the demise of one of our friends I am sure that this is a universal reaction.
I am a way behind you in the biopsy score, to date I have had only five but since these resulted in four operations I suppose that adds up to nine events and, like you, I find the waiting for results rather like the sword of Damocles; in fact the sword might be easier to put up with.
The late Bernard Manning gave us a bit of good advice when he said "every morning when I wake up I put my forearms across my chest and push my elbows outwards and if my elbows don't touch wood at each side I know I am going to have a good day" It's worth a try.
Regaining one's confidence and self esteem is a bit like giving up smoking, definitely not easy and in order to make it work you have to want to do it.
Have you ever watched "The life of Brian"?.At this point I will appologise to anyone whose religious sensitivities are offended by the mention of this satire but the God in which I believe will look down and smile. The final scene shows several men nailed on crosses and they are all singing "Always look on the brighter side of life" at least you and I have a reasonable chance of waking up in bed in the morning...... which brings me back to Bernard Manning!
Keep Smiling
John

Paul
Reading recent posts from people who have had recurrances has made me feel really down. I am sad to see people who I have got to know through their postings going through such a tough time - but it's more than that. When I was diagnosed the consultant said I should be 'back to normal' in 2 years. Three and a half years down the line I am struggling to accept that it's a different kind of normal. Also, there is a benchmark with any kind of cancer which is 5 years after diagnosis. That is the point when they say it is highly unlikely it will return. So, when I see people who get a recurrance 6 or 7 years on it scares the hell out of me. It makes me think either the medics don't know what they are talking about or they just don't want to admit the true figures.Either way it doesn't make me feel optimistic for the future. I have never had any physical reason to worry about the cancer returning, but that doesn't stop the gloomy thoughts. Most of the time I am getting on with life quite well and socialise a lot but at the back of my mind I know I do this with an attitude of 'enjoy it while you can'. It is important to support those people who are having it tough but PLEASE won't somebody give us some good news too? Even a few good jokes would help!!
Sheila

FOR SHEILA (you asked!)

quote:

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.

Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blonde.

"They're watch dogs!"

**************************

SPEEDING TICKET

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then ..

Today you expect me to show it to you!"

*********************

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny,

"Giving up?"

*******************

Hi Paul
I'm really sorry to hear that things are so tough for you. I've read your story and know you've been through the mill.
Even hearing of the death of an acquaintance can rock our boat, so naturally it hits on some very sensitive nerves when it is someone who well understood our own feelings and experiences. It's tough, it's scary and it hurts. Don't be hard on yourself, allow yourself to feel sad and acknowledge that those feelings are normal. But also know that it's OK to feel happiness for what you have had with that person and relief that you are still here.
When the time is right for you, you will say 'what the hell ~ I'm outta here' and you'll be out and doing whatever, wherever because life is way too short to let time go by. The day will come when you are ready and off you'll go.
Good luck and lots of love from Down Under
Deborah

Hello John Spencer!
We have not 'spoken' before but I had a little chuckle at your mention of Life of Brian. What a great movie.
I remember when my neice was about 10 (20 years ago!), it was Easter and, as usual all the Easter religious films were on TV and Hannah had been watching them. She had seen one complete with crucifiction (that doesn't look right, sorry) and when the credits were rolling on the second film she called out to my sister 'they haven't played the song'. "Mum! they haven't played the song!". My sister was a bit confused knowing there were no songs for these epics and when she asked Hannah what song she was talking about her reply was 'you know, the one they sing when they're up on the cross. Let's all look on the bright side of life'! It was a classic, innocent observation.
Cheers
Deborah
PS I loved Loretta

Good evening Deborah,
I love the story about Hannah,children can often beat all the professional funny men.
I assume 04.19pm is four in the morning in OZ which prompts me to ask "what the heck are you doing hammering the keys in the middle of the night?"
At eight o clock each evening I head off to the lounge for a glass of red wine(Australian usually)and a wedge of pork pie to compliment whatever is on the lunatic lantern (TV)but this evening I think I will dust off the Life of Brian DVD and have a good laugh.If you hear about an outbreak of hellfire and damnation in a little village in West Yorkshire and mysterious lightening bolts which seem to amuse themselves by boiling red wine and cremating pork pies you will know that I was wrong about my interpretation of the Divine Providence
KeepSmiling
John

Robins coffin was carried out of the church to the strains of the monty python version of "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life".
Ever seen 350 people crying,laughing and whistling all at the same time.?
Pure magic.

liz

The two ringtones I use on my phone are "Always look on the bright side of life" and "Don't Worry Be Happy" Paul I hope you will soon be able to do both of the above

Mum
x

Hi Paul, I worry about a return of the "C" a lot but I refuse to let it rule my life. I call it "it" because I see it as my personal enemy. If it catches up with me and finally beats me then so be it but for now I have a life and I'm determined to make the most of it. My wife is a manager of a day hospice and I know from her work that many people dont get a second chance. This is just my personal opinion and I realise that everyone is different and copes with things differently. Best wishes to you and I hope you manage to find some inner peace.

Hi Paul,
I agree, all the bad news on here does get you down.
I'm really hoping Monday evening i can come along with some good news!
Confidence is something you have to find within yourself. I don't know how it's done.
I know i'm missing your input on here!
Fond wishes
Michelle

Paul,Paul,Paul,
We have had so many chats and discussions on this topic and you always seemed to have turned positive. Why is it the moment my back is turned you go back into your shell?. Paul - you have been through so much and have seen so much happening in front of your eyes. With all these experiences dont you think you think positively?. As I have told you a number of times - Why do you want to waste your life away? I know its very easy to say this - but then I can as I too have been through the misery. The more you stay withen the shell, the less you will see of life. People on the street do not matter as they do not live with you and neither are they a part of your life. I really think its high time you snapped out of this and I am going to have a chat with you in this regard.
Lots of love,
Ananth

hi paul
yes paul i agree some of the posts on here are frightning at times befre my surgery in july i was in so much turmoil and scared of the unknown a lot of the posts were truthful about the horrors of such extensive surgery but hey nine weeks on and i am almost through it with all the very positive posts that are so helpful with recovery i have had 7 biopsys to date and 2 major surgerys a second recurrence after 10 months but i just cannot let my mind even think about another reoccurence or i would go bonkers yes people stare at my scars it is hard to deal with but these are not the people i love and live with it is their problem not mine paul you have given such support on this site over the years and we are grateful love bev x

Yes Paul, some years ago I told Vinod that the bad news and death notices got me down - which is why I often disappear for a couple of months. I shut it out and just get on with doing as many normal things as possible. But some things can never be normal.

But like balls we bounce back, and can cope with reading bad news some weeks better than others. Sometimes we are like the ball lost in thick growth. We all feel up and down and often wonder the equivalent of 'there but for the grace of God go I' I am sure.

Hello All
Yes, some of the posts do add to the load everyone is carrying but having said that, I don't know how many times during Trevor's 'trip' I've been grateful to have read everyone's experiences. It is so helpful to know just what others have been through in a similar situation because one thing is for sure, you don't hear it from any doctors!
When I've been holding Trevor as he tries to dislodge that horrid 'glue' in his throat I could easily have thought something terrible was happening (which of course, it was!) but no-one at any time, apart from on this forum, has said anything about mucous ~ NO-ONE. That's terrible.
It sounds like turning away from the site for a while is what everyone does when it all gets a bit much, but I personally wouldn't be without you all ~ warts and all!!!
Deborah