It's been a while since I visited but I wanted to say a quick 'hello' and wish you all the very best for 2005. My thoughts are with you all.

I'm now passed almost all my "1st anniversaries" (diagnosis, surgery, gastrostomy) - today is the anniversary of the mould room for my beloved (!) shell and the 14th will see the anniversary of the start of chemo and radiotherapy. I never thought I'd get to where I'm at today. Still a way to go, but - and you can tell today's a good day - I'm feeling quite happy and contented. Long may it last.

Still working hard at being a student nurse; I passed my seminar on 'Nausea and Vomiting in Relation to Cancer', with a whopping 90% (can you imagine the embarrassment of failure there?! and am working hard on an essay for the same module: "Discuss two side effects of either chemotherapy or radiotherapy" Ha ha. It sounds very boastful, but I'm thinking I know more about the side effects of radiotherapy than my lecturers can ever know so I'm writing about that. The trick is writing it down in an impartial way. I'm heading for a fall here, I think!

Big news - and it's not that big an issue for everyday folks, but I'm sure you'll all appreaciate this - I've eaten in public! I can't tell you what a relief it was. And it wasn't the old standby, soup, either! I felt almost 'normal' (how I hate that word) for the first time since all this began - what a milestone. I've still to master the art of drinking without coughing most of it over everything in a five foot radius, but I've found that hot chocolate suits my purposes very well (because it's that bit thicker than other drinks I can manage it better - it's a bizarre mental block I've got!)

My thoughts also to any of you affected by the tsunami. I've wept so many tears seeing the tv pictures; it puts everything in perspective, doesn't it?

Anyway... enough! I hear you cry. Once again, big love and best wishes to all of you. May you you have a happy, healthy, successful 2005. May all your wishes come true.

Janette xxxxx

Happy new year to you too Janette. Ahh normal. Know where you are at with that phrase. Today my beloved and I went to see the film the Aviator and after for a meal at a Chinese. No popcorn or ice cream as years back just relief I managed the whole film with a small amount of water from th ever present bottle and then the joy of a slow meal out. I never ate as much as before but enough for the event to seem almost normal. The fluid secret with a meal out is to ask for a pint of something like coca cola. With 2 pints of it there was at least enough fluid to wash everything down. Thank you God for those normal moments today.

Any normal moments Janette are like gold.