Hi! Ananth,
Boy how do I start, You have read my story and we were close to meeting in Melbourne and as it happened this didn't transpire, I now wish that it would happen NOW as since I have been diagnosed with inopperable Pancreatic Cancer I would like to sit and talk over the things that you have been speeking about for 6 months or more. I have been given the option of 9 months to live OR with Chemo/RT maybe 2 years or more(I have optted for more), my decision was not just made quickly as the thought of the side effects ot the treatment against the chance of seeing my next Grandchild made the choice simple.
I must say that I may look back on this decision later (if the treatment is REALLY BAD and the side effects HORRENDOUS) and think what if? BUT then the joy of looking on my children and my Lovely Wife & Soul Mate Deb my decision would be to take the treatment because 1,2,3,4......or more months with my loved ones is worth it. I sit here at my laptop and gaze out the window at the trees the blue sky (OOOPs the clouds are coming) and see peolpe and cars going past , these are things that are alive and going about life as normal as possible. The people walking down the street are oblivious to what is happening to people around them and they smile with a hello as they pass, maybe around the corner a truck or a Hyabushi (wrong spelling)may go out of control and smash into the person out strolling and kill them, well that is fate and chosen, so why go on and on decrying what may or should have happened when if it is time to go you will go.
I have chosen to go on and live my life to the full and even if that is a short or long time I accept it. I look upon my GranChildren and see new life in them and I hold Marley on my lap and think there is love and beauty out there so why knock it, the smiles and the goo and gaas I get out of Marley are worth ALL the extra time I have on this earth and don't wont to lose that time, my son is to have another child and that is worth looking forward to, away from the children life itself is worth living for, the freeway that is being built nearby the new buildings being erected in our little town are worth waiting to see. Deb and I had the oportunity to go away for a week pre treatment BUT I started to throw up so we cancelled the trip but still I wish to go on(which is what I seem to be doing).
To cut this short LIFE is too wonderful to cut short and unless that truck or motrobike cuts my life shorter I want to live and even if it is only another year or two then YAHOOO I did it.
TREV

Dear Trev,
I had to bring up that old issue at least once for you to understand nothing was done intentionally - it was just a matter of hitting the wrong key at the wrong time. I accepted your verdict and not once did I mail you or Deb - as much as I wanted to. I have been reading your posts - rather more of Debs and have been keeping upto date with your progress.

I am sorry about your cancer but understand your actions to prolong your pain to get satisfaction of seeing and playing with your granchildren. You have opted for it and its your choice. I am noone to tell you what you should have done or not done. If you really look at things as the wise rogue that you are - your grandkids- one is small and the other yet has to be born. You will be a memory as they grow up and with time your sons will have to point out at your photo and say "Kids, thats your grandad" and it wont make a difference to anyone. Noone is going to think of all that you did to keep alive for those two extra years just for them. That is exactly what I meant - had I known the full implications of what the medication would lead to I would have opted to become a memory and let things move ahead smoothly without any breakers on the way. I know its to late in the day to regret something that is pointless and over and done with.
You understand every bit of pain that you went through and are going through - try and explain the feelings exactly as they are and you will find you cannot as if you do you will be hurting someone.
I have no grouse against life as I have had my fill of it - women, wine and song - all. If you say something to me, I would understand but how many others would? The words will be the same - "come on toughie - you can do it". Besides your family and ones who have known you for years - explain the pain to them. Giving advise is very simple - I should know. Trying to keep spirts high withen the forum and outside, I have tried even to the extent of playing the idiot - which in reality I am not considered one because I completed my MBA at a time when most are getting into college and have more collective knowledge of how people who have nothing else in life to do except become martyrs to a casue that they have never experienced.
At the end of the day - I too feel bad we were not able to meet up as I could never think of not being able to travel again. However, you enjoy the company of Marley playing with you. It must be a wonderful feeling as you are not hurting anyone as he has no idea of what you are going through and will forget over a period of time. What ever happens will not affect their upbringing as they wont have to face the trauma that they would have had to do if they were much older ( both Marley and the unborn little one). You have opted for something that will not affect the family as much in certain ways - though the impact will remain the same.
You just keep to the other side and see the traffic and you wont get knocked over by the Hayabusa or a truck or a moped. You are just not lucky enough!!!!!!!!
Warm regards,
Ananth