Hello all. I've been away for about ten days in hospital. Now that is not earth-shattering news in the middle of this 'festive' season. It was good being cocooned from all the fuss and rush but a bit rotten really.
Nothing compared to what lots of you are having but grisly for me. I had an operation to stretch rthe gullet. As Rosemary told me, immediate improvement. But then the barium swallow showd that half was going down the gullet and the rest straight into the lung which is obviously potentially deadly. It explains why for months now, friends will have noticed that my eating, even of milk shakes, has become progressively more of a pain in the derriere.
Then, after numerous videos of throat and more bariums etc etc it was decided to put me on this 'thick diet' which means that everything, even and especially a cup of te\aa! has to be thickened with stuff to the consistency of thick yoghurt.
'Oh hello there. Come in and have a slice of tea or a wodge of whisky if you like something stronger!'
Shattering for a 10-cup-a-day Scots lass! So life is now nothing but food preparation. All my meds have to be dissolved and thickened. I admit to feeling--not sorry for myself, but I think FLAT would be the word.
I've lost so much more weight as all the time in hospital I was on nothing while waiting for the next barium. On the one day I was allowed to 'eat' I was presented with a plate of ssprouts which I was tempted to put in a bag and send to Tate Modern. They were sludgy browny green, had water dripping from them, and were lukewarm. Real Tracey Emin horror stuff. But as they were followed by delicious rhiubarb and custard (havent had that since I was 10 and it is the right texture!) I spared the gallery.
Right, moaning over. I will now try to find some holly among the weeds to stick behind m,y ear or the pictures. Too weak to go out. I will then return to computer and find out what you've all been doing.
I told the wonderful ENT cancer secretary about this site and she is SO interested in joining and telling patients about it. Dr Joshi, it seems to be unique here. Love to all and my apologies for a boring screed. Ishbel Oh Rosemary, thank you for the warning about youknowwot. Ye Gods. Enough said!!

Hi Ishbel, So sorry you had to go threw all that. Hope things get better for you. We had snow here in Arkansas and it was lovely.
Hope you have a Merry Christmas and a better New Year.
Cathy

It is so GREAT to hear from you , I have been so worried. I am so glad you are back and feeling much better. Lord what you have been thru you poor thing. God Love Ya. You just try to relax and get some rest now that you are at home, Lord knows there is no such thing as rest in the hospital....Take much care Vicki

Oh... at long last....hello Ishbel. I've been thinking about you so much.... You have been through the "Run of the mill", you just take it easy over the festive season, and have a quiet New Year..... Must be hard for a Highlander.

Ishbel what was the reason for only half going down the gullet?

I had my visit to the clinic yesterday, and again was mentioned the stretching procedure. I will have this done in the New Year. My next visit is scheduled for March 2005, which is good news.

Ishbel, you have a lovely Christmas and a peaceful New Year - you certainly deserve it.

Love

Rosemary

Thank you Cat and Vicky and Rosemary for your kind words.
Rosemary I don't know the reason. And it wasn't explained. It is just a fact. You can see the thick stuff going down the gullet and the rest trickling down lungwards. Quite a frightening sight. A friend was telling me there was a programmae on television the other night showing a nine year old girl with the same thing so it is not common and you mustn't worry about it for you.
I asked consultant how I would know if this was still happening and he said that I would soon know, when I started rejecting things like milk shakes and water again.
Now everything I have has to be as thick as I can manage. Not easy until I get used to it . I nearly collapsed today when I made an effort to do a bit of shopping and felt so dehydrated and of course couldn't just grab the water bottle. I'll have to look around for non-melting jelly.
Ugh.

All the best of the best to you all at Christmas

Ishbelxxx

Oh dear. I am not in a Christmas Eve mood I'm afraid. Like lots of us, wildly apprehensive but concealing it as much as possible. When I left hospital three days ago my consltant asked to see me again on January 16. Today I had a message on my answerphone that he wants to see me on December 30 and then again on January 4.
He took several biopsies when I was in hospital and had n't obtained the results when he discharged me but said he wasn't expecting anything too radical. He had taken biopsies of the angry red part of my throat which has been a problem since the first huge radiation treatment nearly six years ago. Well my heart sank. Of course. The only trouble with this site is that I know more about the possibilities than is good for my well-being!.
Anyway I sat down and talked to myself and vowed that I wouldn't mention this worry at the family Christmas get-together manana. It will be bad enough with some sisters-in-law just glaring at each other, thinly hiding their hostility, without my adding to the 'merriment'.
They are all lovely people--aren't we all!--but to be chucked together once a year just because you're married to somebody's brother can be just as nervewracking as waiting for hos[ hospital results.
But I'd rather be a silly sister-in-law than poor, frightened, lacking-in-fibre Ishbel who sends everyone all the best for Christmas and the New Year. Big hugs too.

Dear Ishbel, I do hope that everything goes better for you in the New Year. As for family goes with the territory. My fathers side of the family was like that always nit picking. I will
pray for you and hope that they don't find anything. Yours, Cathy

Thank you for your good hope message, Cathy. It is later today--this afternoon about 3-that I go to see my consultant. I'll tell you what it,is, good or bad.
I haven't been able to use the comp[uter dor days and discovered that over Christmads one of my charming grandchildren had been hiding under my desk in a hide-and-seek game with her cousins and had dislodged a vital plug from the back. Thank goodness someone discovered that for me today before I paid a vast call-up charge from a 'computer doctor'.
I've just been watching a hilarious 'Wife Swap@ from the series, one of them being a truly amazing Arkansas matriarch. What a splendid state to live in!
I knew she wouldn't worry about a biopsy fllow-up but look it straight in the eye and then go home and cook black-eyed beans even if they choked her!
If I get through this little lot I am definitely coming to the USA on a trip this year. I have been putting it off too long.
Look after yourself. Ishbel

Hi Ishbel, glad to know that you are doing a little better. I have two nieces and they too like to play around my computer. The youngest one knows better than to unplug anything. She runs her own computer at home at 4 years old.
I'm getting ready to move back to Florida in the
Orlando area I think I'm looking forward to it.
Have been sick with a bad sinus problem but slowly on the mind. Hope all goes well with you?
Cathy