If ever there was a creed to live life by, then surely this must be it. It's one I will subscribe to anyway. Anyone who has spent any time on a motorbike will truly understand this !!!

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming... "Wow! What a ride!"

Brilliant Winnie and so apppropriate for the way the soppy beggar lives.

Dear Winnie,
Liz I do not think you really understaood what Winne meant( or did you and I did not!). Its a way to say that if one leads a fast life on the track do not expect to land up in heaven or hell in one piece. And very honestly - I have never had that intention. I have lived on the edge for too long to worry about what shape I am going to be when I land up where ever it may be. The lines you have quoted are very true but the signature I use now make more sense to me.

Liz - I still do not think you have understood my nature. I have always mantained I have two sides to my personality and almost anyone who knows me well will vouch for me. I can be very understanding when I want to be and totally ruthless when I want to be. I did not want to ruffle any feathers and hence heard you out and your thoughts. They did make sense to me but at the same time you are looking only upto a certain point and not beyond. Its impossible for me to take India to Spain or Spain to India and then go kick the bucket in no mans land. What has happened is because of circumstances and I cannot change things ( Unless I suddenly find out I am God!). Everything you do or I do is already mapped out and thats one reason I do not let anything ruffle me too much but if it does, I am not a very soft person. I have been taught to be a very tough guy ever since I was a kid and thats how I survived alone in alien conditions and made it on my own.
I have led a very fast life as I have not even mentioned three fourth of where all life has taken me and how much of life I have seen. I regret some things and some I do not. Dolores and Sonya are just a part of the 49 years (rather 31 years) as my life actually began the way it is only when I touched 17. I guess its tough when one is in a totally alien culture and at the age I was. I think in almost all countries 17 is not an age where parents treat one as on par and have the kind of faith mine showed in me. Its what I was taught in terms of thought, learning, fitness and ethics/morals (which became a misrey as these two words very from country to country) and never to go down without a fight. I was also taught not to get into fights if avoidable, but if they did escalate never to forgive - whatever the circumstances. I was trained by a very disciplned father who taught me how to be a man faster then what I should have been. I do not miss the childhood that normal kids had of playing on swings or house house or cuddling upto toys. I look back and think I was given the perfect training a kid could get to survive in this world.
Everything I have written has been the good old Ananth's things of his good side. If I went into the darker side I do not think anyone would like the harsh truths that everyone and I mean Everyone has had to face at some time or another. Everything in life is like a coin - two faces. Its win some and loose some. I hate loosing and go for things totally or do not attempt it. I love the fast track - not just as in life but as in speed as well.

Liz - its impossible for one of the two not to get hurt and its a fact that one will. The question is who? The answer is very simple - the one who is more mature, the one who understands all about my life, who has seen me grow from a twenty year old to a forty nine old. Being possesive and looking at things in a mature way is making a decesion easier. As long as there are rememberances of some good times - its perfectly fine. Sonya on the other hand is still young compared to Dolores and does not open her eyes to reality and I think I have done a resonably good job of keeping the two homes lights burning quite brightly.

Though Spain is my home, India is where my roots are. Even if I were to kick the bucket, there are certain rites that would not be allowed in Spain and even though I do not believe in God or heaven or hell- I still have to please people even when dying. It is a tough choice but one that has to be made.

Another point is that I have never forced anyone into marraige and if it did happen it did so due to circumstances. I think you should meet my mother, who observes things very well and her words will be that I am the worst husband and father in the world as I was never cut out to handle such responsibilities. Even I regret being married and I also regret having kids. I prefer to live life and have lived the same the way I wanted - be it one night stands, a steady live in, earn well, being materialisitc and being be able to stand with my head held high for what I made not just for me but also for my family.I am equallyu proud of what I used to look like when I modelled and all the attention I got. Its not everyone who gets such opportunities.

When I said I was not used to hearing anyone telling me I was wrong, I told you the truth about accepting what you said. Noone in their right senses would have the guts to have faced me and said so. My wins were my glory and from my own hard work and my loses were mine alone and noone elses.I have never blamed anyone for something that may have happened where I did something wrong. I have also always said things as they are and as they stand as if I did not - it would make me a hypocrite and that is one thing I am certainly not. I know its hits people hard to hear the truth as when each one looks into respective mirrors, one will find what I have said its true - but with a difference - accept all the good and push the dirt under the carpet. This is how the world is and to survive one has to play the game as it should.

Its only because I feel all here have been through the same kind of trauma, I spoke out as it was nice to get things off ones mind. I have always loved everyone here and will always do even if we never meet. I realy enjoy hearing everything (you) Liz writes as it gives me an opportunity not just to think but also to explain to you - life at times sucks but its totally upto you how you handle it. I do not moan about having the cancer returned as I have been prepared for it for a long time. I made things happen even when I lost my voice and ability to eat. I CREATED my own voice and you have hear me talk to hear my voice is as good as anyone elses.If one has the guts to stand up and get up each time one falls and fight back till he/she wins is what winners are made of. Call it bragging, boasting, vanity or egoisitc or any other thing. I know for a fact I am a winner and will always be today,tomorrow and till the day I die because I have played fair (most of the time).The day I die - I dont care what one thinks of the kind of person I was. There will be those who will say Thank God he is dead! and others who will cry, have a drink and vanish, a few who will genuinely miss me - but everything as you already know is "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust". Everyone forgets after some time and life carries on except for one or two days when turns around and says - oh !it is his birthday today or it is today is the day the agnels came for him or today is the day the devil decided to put him into hell. Even this is forgotten after a period of time. How many of your ancestors can you recall beyongd that of your parents, grandparents , great gradparents and on. Why does not think of them - how many of them are remembered on their birthdays etc. Anyone who say yes I remember is talking through thier hat. Its because they are done and over with. All things have to end and thats the only thing that is real. Now explain to me what do you think of me and if my desecions were wrong or right? I truly mean it when I say I do not get offended - but what you should do is look at life in a broad way. Life is not just Harewood - it extends far beyond that and its just that I have lived that wide life. If I had joined the army like my Dad wanted, I may have been a different person but this was my destiny and noone could change it or take it away and neither would I have traded it for anything else. I also pray if there is reincarnation I am born the same way as I was in this life time - with the same attitude, the same values - well everything the same.

I know you are elder to me and have every right to berate me but trust me on one thing - I have seen life from the start to the end - a full circle which I doubt if many people will do so. You could talk to me on anything and I can give you a reply with facts to back me up.

So now I honestly look forward from you young ladies. Do not hesitate to say whats on your mind as I love debates and this one is a really good one. The rights and wrongs of life!!,

Lots of love,no such thing as a pursed kiss but a nice big smooch and big bear hugs ( Winnie, you too are included) and if anyone wants to join inon the debate - come on in. As I mentioned somewhere - the McDonald advertisment which goes " I am loving it".
Ananth

Hi Winnie. Been riding for years and couldn't have put it better myself. Excellent. Hagg.

Dear Liz,
This one is for you to figure out. Its a Hindi song from a movie which is one of my favorites in hindi. I am cut and pasting it here with the traslation in English and think it explains all.

Movie Name:Kal Ho Naa Ho
Lyric Name:Kal Ho Naa Ho
Kal Ho Naa Ho Music: Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy
You-tube link: Kal Ho Naa Ho

--MALE--
Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi
Life changes its beauty all the time
Chhaaon hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi
Sometimes it's a shade, sometimes life is sunlight
Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo
Live every moment here to your heart's content
Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho) - 2
The time that is here may not be tomorrow

Chaahe jo tumhe poore dil se
One who loves you whole-heartedly
Milta hai voh mushkil se
It is difficult meet that person
Aisa jo koi kahin hai
If there is someone like that somewhere[i]
Bas vohi sab se haseen hai
[i]That person is more beautiful than all
Us haath ko tum thaam lo
Grab onto that (person's) hand
Voh meherbaan kal ho naa ho
He or she may not be so gracious tomorrow
Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo
Live every moment here to your heart's content
Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho
The time that is here may not be tomorrow

Ho, palkon ke leke saaye paas koi jo aaye
Taking the shadow of your eyelashes, when someone comes near
Laakh sambhaalo paagal dil ko
You try to reason with your crazy heart
Dil dhadke hi jaaye
Your heart just goes on beating
Par soch lo is pal hai jo
But think, that which is here now
Voh daastaan kal ho naa ho
That story may not be here tomorrow
Har ghadi badal rahi hai roop zindagi
Life changes its beauty all the time
Chhaaon hai kabhi kabhi hai dhoop zindagi
Sometimes it's a shade, sometimes life is sunlight
(Har pal yahan jeebhar jiyo
Live every moment here to your heart's content
Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho) - 2
The time that is here may not be tomorrow
Jo hai sama kal ho naa ho
The time that is here may not be tomorrow

If you do want to see the movie its easliy available in the UK and is known as : Kal Ho Na HO - try and see it - that will give you an idea how and why I live the way I do as it comes pretty much close to the kind of person I am when I think.
Lots of love,xxx and hugs
Ananth


Dr J: I have reposted an improved translation of the song, and I am sure Ananth will approve

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Dr Vinod K Joshi,

Your a cheeky bugger .I am only three years older than you!!!the rest i will get to later.
By the way you are right Ananth i understood what winne meant,so did Hagg.I dont think you did.

Its a bit like the difference between charging for the finishing line putting every ounce of your strength into it with all the adrenaline buzz that goes with winning, or limping over it knackered .You are definately a charger,i am probably a limper
love liz

Liz, down tiger down, I can hear your keyboard banging in Cheshire.

dont spoil my fun angie he has asked for it lol

I right behind you Liz

Hi Ananth,
I would like to add my tupence worth to this banter and say I was married once before and that was for 12 years and 3 children it was never a very loving marriage but I persevered with it until there was no chance of reconciliation and at that time I had met my lovely Deb and so the transition was easy but frought with tears and stress, however I moved in with Deb and we later got married and added 2 more boys to Debs son and daughter. We have been married for 26 years and I must say at no time have I strayed(Deb would have cut of my balls)and at no time has the need arisen to stray so I believe I am lucky in more ways than one as there is no one that I would want to spend the rest of my life with than Deb.
When I was 16 there was a young girl that hung around with me and my mates and this did not go down well with her grandmama as she was greek and so grandmama sent her(against her will) home to Greece and had her married to a "nice" Greek man of an older age, they returned to Adelaide and had a beautiful house by the sea, she left him and disapeared and for a while the blame was focussed on my group of friends and myself.
What I am getting at is they were very well off and the grandparents and her parents were rolling in money but she chose to end the arrange mariage and hitail it out of dodge city so she could live a life she wanted(this we heard of a couple of years later). Again I deviate but she chose her own destiny and went on to live her own life, I can appreciate what an arranged marriage can be like BUT this is the 20th century and "divorce" is a lot easier than in days of old(well I am 63) I would stick by you as a friend but I too have my beliefs and could not bear to put Deb through a trauma like yours and I truly wish you the best and still have you as one of my dearest friends.

OK. OK. I've been biting my tongue, watching the interactions like I'm sitting at centre court, Wimbledon! Now I'll throw in my point of view ~ only because of the invitation, Ananth.
Where to start? Ummmmmmm
A very close friend of mine was in a situation whereby she found out that her husband had a child with another woman and had been supporting them (the other woman and child) all the years of their marriage. The other child was the same age, a couple of months older than my friends eldest child which meant that he was doing the dirty on both women, both got pregnant and it was just that my girlfriend's pregnancy was announced first that resulted in their marriage (back in the 70's ~ the done thing then). His deceit and the pain it caused had a devastating effect on my friend and resulted in the break up of their marriage. My reaction would have been the same.
Hearing about Delores and your twins brought all of this back to me at first and I thought you were a cad (to say the least!). However, one big difference is the fact that both Sonya and Delores know of each other ~ hopefully Sonya knew before she married you and both chose to maintain their relationship with you. I couldn't do it and don't know anyone who could ~ afterall, to me true love and marriage vows mean you are committed to that person, forsaking all others. However for whatever reasons, you made a decision to get married and Delores was content to be the one who got the short end of the stick. It seems your marriage to Sonya resulted in a considerable amount of wealth and that has resulted in material gain for Delores and her children so that must go some way towards fulfilling her/their needs. If everyone is satisfied (at least) with the outcome of decisions made then you have all made your beds and have to lie in them, in spite of the pain and heartache that is coming for these two women particularly when your time comes to depart. You're going to be fine!
As you say, what's done is done and cannot be undone so right or wrong, the situation is as it is and all you can do is try to make the most of a bad situation. I guess being in your current position ~ knowing that you won't be cured, naturally leads to reflection, plus your book would be giving you cause for a lot of recollecting and I understand that is why you have told us all about both of your 'marriages' and two families. It is not my place or anyone else's to approve or disapprove however I can (almost) understand how you found yourself in the position you are in.
What I don't understand is why you felt the need to tell us about 'flings', one night stands, casual sex etc. I just don't get that. I'm no prude however I think the fact that you have not only had these experiences (and regularly, it seems) but are prepared to tell all and sundry about them shows you have very little or no respect at all for either of the women you claim to love.
Respect is a major part of any relationship between any two people. It shows reliability, concern and consideration, understanding and trust among other things. Trust is the biggest issue for me in a relationship. Without it there can be nothing else. I know you will say you consider yourself to be a very lucky man having had the love of these two beautiful women however even though each knew of the other, you showed no respect to either by blatantly playing around and while they may both have been prepared to maintain a relationship with you, knowing of the other ~ I wonder just how much either Sonya or Delores would have been prepared to put up with knowing there were endless 'others'.
Good looks, a great body, fine dress, all the trappings of success just don't cut it when it comes down to plain old lovin'that involves the roller coaster ride of everyday life and struggles together.
You don't need to comment on any of this, Ananth as your life and the way you have lived it is just that ~ your life. You have been happy just as I have been with my very different life. Who is to say who is right and who is not. We all do what is right for ourselves.
Que sera sera
Deborah

Oh women,women,women,
There is no living with them and no living without them. Wonder why poor Adams rib was Snapped, Broken and left unmended to create the woman - eve ( was she?). Why did Adam have to go through all that pain for something he should have known will haunt him for the rest of his life!!!!.

I have not even begun the debate from the other side of the fence and the ladies are on fire and as far as broadcasting my love for the ladies in my posts is because you are all friends and I do not like to see everyone happy - I like to see them very happy. Look at the hornets nest I have stirred - I am sure most of you are having fun and everyone has the right to join in.
Trev has given his point, Steven his, Angie, hers, Deb hers, Winnie and Liz has tried her best to win a debate over a man!! Its all bunkum when they say - the woman knows best.They cry very well and thats what makes men finally give in.

I began posting this as another topic all together but deviated from it and now I am throughly enjoying going through each ones view point regardless of what one feels I have done right or wrong. I find it funny the reasonings that are put up. All that I have written and receieved here is what each one of us have been through in various forms but never want to express as they do not want to face life as it is. I am not judging anyone - but still mantain - all that I have put down is a part of everyones life. Some want to rectify things - some just hide behind a wall - so that noone can reach out to them. They are the ones who get angry!!

Dr.Joshi's translation of the words were much better then what I had put down and I would suggest once again Liz try and get the DVD and a looksee. The other ladies also are welcome to check it out.

I also mentioned above we have not even even reached one half of the debate - which was never supposed to be one but let it be as I said its turned out to be fun and "I am loving it". We are still on side of the fence and have not got onto the other side in India.

So what do you all want to do? Stop the debate and fun or carry on with anyone who wants pitching in? The call is yours my darling Liz - as I a always just itching to read your replies especially. Try and make them hot and spicy like the Indian curries and not insipid like fried fish and finger chips!!!

Tally Ho and all that. Come on dont give up now and let the bash continue. Lets have some conclusion ( not right now - as everyone should have their say and say things convincingly as thats what debates are all about). Are we in agreement?

I love you all as its really great fun to be doing this and as far as I am concerned its a chance to vent out what I feel and how I loved living my life. Some may agree and some may not - its not dragging anyone out in the open as there is no rancour against anyone but all the people have names and I never like putting x,y,and z for names.

So come on Liz - do not give up - give it your best shot during my Spainsh account - and then when we reach the Indian shores !!!.I really want to see all the ladies keep up with the twists and turns life takes and how everyone actually see a mirror image of themselves living the twists and turns but never had the guts to live it.

Deb - I have never hidden anything from either Sonya or Dolores - its just that its been my life and I preferred saying things as they were, instead of them finding out later. You could call me the remains of a bizzare childhood but thats the way I have always been - tell things as they are. I am not immortal as my name makes out to be. People will get hurt when I kick the bucket.( I wonder if it will hurt my toes??). Yes, each one has to lie in the beds they made or someone created for them - thats how life carries on. Neither you nor I can ever try to change it as its not going to. As long as you have managed to leave behind some kind of a legacy, I think that is what is important. My question is why did they never walk out when they knew all about me? Why have they stood by me for these two decades plus when I have never stopped them if they ever wanted to walk out. There has to be a reason right. I was coming to Sonya's side of my life and I think you have it all wrong there. I never required her money or wealth and Dolores had nothing to do with that part of it. Whatever belongs to sonya has always been hers and all I have done is a favor to that side of the family. Sonya knew well about the way I lived my life but chose to accept it as she was very young and the elders in Indian families do have a way to think people change after they have responsibilities. Its a very complicated issue.I have asked her a number of times if she had married me with her eyes open as I had never hidden anything from her or her parents. In fact Sonyas father had enough faith to give me the business to run and which I returned to the family even with all its problems and with it doing extremely well inspite of family problems. I have not moved any assets from Sonyas part or her families part to Spain and its very much hers.I think in fact I gave more then I took ( not that I took any as I did not require it). I have also mentioned I was never the kind of person to marry but....and I still mantain that. I loved my life as a bachelor and do have regrets about letting people down after getting married. However, the regrets are not so much as I still believe - life life and live it to its fullest, each day, each hous, each minute and second as there my be now tomorrow or even if there is you may just regret that you missed out on living thos minutes, hours and seconds the day before.I hope I do make sense now Deb. as you know all that took place and I need not have taken all the rubbish but I did - for what? For my gains or for Dolores gains? or was it for Sonya? You think it over.

Lots and lots of love and hugs - for the men and smooches for the woman - except Liz who gets the biggest smooch!!
Ananth

This message has been edited. Last edited by: ANANTH,

Hi baby the debate seems to be spread over two threads now.mine is on the other thread life in barcelona.Can we decide which to use please after all i am a mere woman and get easily confused lol
hey trev nice to see you jump in !!!

love liz

By the way sweetie,poking a stick at a sleeping tiger wont work with me i like fish fingers and chips,and you can keep your curry each to their own

And darling, God made woman from adams rib because he had had the chance to see where he went wrong with the first model and wanted to iron out all the design faults and get it perfect second time.

Wow Liz - You actually sit right next to your PC/laptop? Lets finish this part of the world before moving to the Indian shores and ntake it from there. But now let it remain Espana. What say?
love u,
Ananth