I Posted recently about Ray and waiting to hear from hospital, Well we heard and it looks as if Ray has bowel cancer in the ascending colon,Its exactly one year since his tongue cancer was diagnosed.He has to undergo an operation called a hemicolectomy within the next 2/3 weeks.It sounds horrendous when I read the leaflet they gave him.Strange thing is he feels fine only symptoms have been one blood test showing aneamia and some weight loss.He has spent most of this week at the hospital including mouth cancer clinic for monthly check and everything was fine with that.I am in total despair I lost my Father at the end of january,I had to watch him disappear in front of my eyes he had TB.It was a terrible.I am very worried for Ray and myself I don't know if I will be able to cope when he comes home,He looks after me usually, such a good man.

Sorry to hear your news Carol. Right now after your father dying and this new diagnosis with Ray you are probably feeling is life worth it just to in the end die.

Some of these treatments just have to be got through to give a chance of recovery the best shot. It is horrible for you and for Ray, but try to enjoy time now with your beloved. I am not sure what aspect of this you cannot cope with - Is it helping him physically after the bowel operation or is it financial.

The first I am sure will be guided by district nurses. If you are worried about what may or may not happen in the future ask him to discuss finances and practical things related to the home etc soon to make things a bit easier for you should anything untoward happen. You will cope if you have knowledge.

Right now I think you are greiving for your father and being unable to air your problems with someone close other than your husband. It sounds glib, but take one day at a time is all I can say. Get up thinking I will get through just today and you will.

Hello Pauline,Thanks for response and advice,My main worries are that Ray will lose his fitness he has been lucky enough to enjoy excellent health up to last year,he trains twice a week and coaches football,he tried really hard after the mouth cancer and was just about back to full fitness when he was diagnosed with the colon cancer.He retired early to become my carer I have disabilities,he helps me with all aspects of daily life, from cooking, shopping to helping me with personal hygeine.So I am very worried we may have to go into care or something if I can't manage to help look after Ray and myself enough with help from social services.If I was fit and able it would make such a difference to know I could cope,I feel useless and vulnerable.

Arghh now I can see why you are so worried.
I can see this is a very difficult situation for you as you rely on Ray to do personal things.
You say you feel useless and vulnerable, but to Ray when you talk with him I expect you are a tower of strength.

Since you use the pc to get to the forum have you ever shopped online at Tesco or other food supermarket? That may be worth thinking about. That might be something you could do the delivery is a small price compared to someone doing it for you when you cannot.

When I was having treatment and afterward my husband used to go for the shopping. BUT in the year before my illness diagnosis I relied more and more on Tescos for an internet shop as I was so lacking in energy and it became a mammoth chore for me. I never really told him how hard Iwas finding the shopping before that. If I did it was probably only my illness that made hime take it in.

I used to breathe a huge sigh of relief when it all arrived even if it was not a perfect order the hassle of lugging it into the trolley, onto the cash desk and back into the trolley, then into the car, then into the kitchen had been removed. If you can think your way around some of these things it might help.

But I hear what you say. I am sure we all dread going into care long term so I can see why you are so worried I know I would be too. Have you told Ray your fears?