I have some days when I feel just greatful to be alive and cancer free which is a huge thing. Yet I also feel like someone just picked up my house, turned it around to face a different direction,put it down, and now everything is different. So much as changed in the way I look at the world. Everything seems surreal, more scary and unpredictable. Then I feel depressed and confused and anxious. Anyone care to chime in?

I felt that way after treatmen. It was like i had been battling this thing and fighting for so long - and then - it all stopped. I felt lost.
Recovery was slow and painful, and there were times i thought i'd be stuck in this existance. I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. I'd have anxiety attacks when i left the house!
But slowly and surely things improved. The pain went away. And my body began to get used to its new state of normality. I began to accept that i'll never get saliva back - and infact, i now don't even remember how my mouth felt before! The nerve damage from chemo improved and i felt good again.
The further you get from treatment (although it is always there at the back your mind), the less you worry. The less you think about it. And the more you can get on with this new life

yep, it definitely gives you a different outlook on life. myself, i went 3 or 4 days thinking i was terminal. first words out of my mouth when i talked to the doc the 2nd time was how many months do i have left. really caught him off guard and he laughed.... and said yours is not terminal, we will be treating it.

but during those 3 or 4 days i sure saw things in a different perspective & of course i still do today......

so yes, getting into the why me situation is something all us ponder at times.

I'm a completely different person post cancer really but I think that would be normal for anyone.
It took a long time to re adjust to the new life but once I'd come to terms with it I felt so much better, it can be a long old process though. I still think it was one of the best things that could have happened to me in a strange sort of way. It made me realise what was really important to me and if I hadn't got ill I'd still be dossing about and wasting valuable time. I know everyone isn't lucky enough to be able to think like that but when you get a second chance you have to take it. Hagg.

I guess in a different sort of way it is the same for us carers. We all muddle on through life and something like this reminds us of what is important in life. I was always close to my children obviously but now there is a real special type of closeness. Shortly after my son's treatment finished I would find days when I just wanted to cry and thought why him? Now I celebrate the fact that he is still here and every day is special. I was recently 50 years old and other people around me seemed to expect that I would be depressed about reaching 50, not me I am just so grateful to have made it this far.

Mum
xxx

My job has just been made redundant...... am I bothered???? No! I have been through far worse this year!!!!! In saying this my confidence has been knocked quite a bit.

Love Chloex

Congrats on turning 50 mum. Hagg.