Melanie,

Thank you so much for your response. It's nice to know that someone actually understands my sisters and I need to be with her and make sure she is getting the care that she deserves. We have without a doubt had several situations like yours were her oxygen tube has fallen out or she started to choke that we have had to assist her or get assistance because no one is around. These times are a matter of LIFE or DEATH!

As for the doctor that performed the Scope. We were told to stay in a waiting room during my mom's procedure by his nurse so he could find us when he was done. We were than told we could go in and see her in recovery when we were than told by the nurse "oh don't worry he will find you". When we were getting send back to her room I questioned the nurse as to whether the doctor would be able to find us in her room and she assured me that she would let him know that we were waiting to talk to him. It's a never ended disappointment with these people. It's not enough that you are overwhelmed with the actual sickness of your loved one but to be reasonable to make sure they are giving her all of her meds and the way they should be. It's been frustrating. I agree that the majority of the nurses are wonderful people but they are way over worked. They miss details that are important! We have even had to remind them to give Mom her feedings and fluids since she is still taking nothing by mouth. We too have been asking every time they give her something and try to keep track of it all.

I don't know Melanie how you did all of that on your own. I have tried to balance everything the best I can. I took last night off just to be with the kids and we had a really nice night. It is the one thing that can take me away from the hospital mind & all for at least a couple of hours.

As for work, My boss has been extremely understanding and even allows me to run to the hospital on my lunch hours to visit when I know I can't get there at night time. They do have a family leave which allows you 6 wks of unpaid leave. My husband and I have discussed it and realize that we will have to make some budget changes in order for this to happen because I am the main bread winner in our family. My husband does very well but we made the decision that he would run his Electrical business part time so that we don't have our kids in daycare. When I get home, my husband leaves and works nights and weekends so that one of us is with the kids at all times. With all of this going on we have had a babysitter watching the kids two days a week so that my husband can work at least two days and than be home those nights with us. I am struggling with when I should apply for the leave. I don't want to take it at the wrong time and not have it when we need it the most. One of my sisters has quit her part time job so that she is more available but she is running herself very thing. She has two girls that are 13 & 15 and they sometimes need as much guidance as my toddlers do. It's difficult but we know without a doubt that my Mom would do it for us in a heart beat.

Sorry that this is so long. I too get going and it's difficult to stop.

It so nice to be able to talk to people that actually understand! Thank you so much for taking the time to care! It really means a lot to me.....

Hello everyone -
It has been a long journey but I wanted to let you all know that my Mom finally lost her very long battle. She past away on Monday Oct. 2nd. The other health issues and the extensive Chemotherapy that she received damaged her lungs some much that there were just a fiber tissue that could no long hold enough oxygen.

My Mom made it very clear that she did not want to be kept alive by machines and at the end my Dad and Sisters and I had to made that decision to take her off of life support and take the comfort measures. We all stayed with her for the 20 long hours it took for her to finally go to her resting place.

The pain & suffering that we witnessed was a lot more horrifying that I could ever imagine. The peace I saw when she took her last breath was something most people never get to witness. I am thankful that I was there holding her hand at that moment. But most of all I am thankful that I have very little regrets.

I want to thank you all for your help getting threw this. Especially to Melanie - Thank you so much for taking the time to help me and others that are going threw so much. It's very difficult to understand the demands and stress this puts on a family unless you have experienced it first hand.

Respectfully
Debbie Weier

Debbie.

I know what you are going through and my heart and love goes to you and your family at this time. I wish you all the strength that your mum appears to have had to get you through the rest of this journey because it wont be easy.
You will be relieved that she is no longer in her pain and please please what ever other feelngs you have (sadness anger guilt) please remember this.
Remebering this little thing has kept me strong and kept me going. I felt guilt that i couldnt be there at the end but only through my own selfishness that i couldnt face to see him go, i felt angry that he gave up the fight and left us here, and i still feel very very sad that he isnt here to see me grow further or my kids, but most of all i really am glad he is in no more pain and so glad he isnt lying there with the morphine. Please dont try and hide your feelings to be strong for other people you have to look after yourself and allow yourslf to cry and be angry.
I have been told there will be a time i will look back with happy thoughts, and i am looking forward to the day where this happens i do have lots and lots of happy memories and i had a wonderfull childhood thanks to him. I also have a wonderfull mother that i now need to look after which keeps me busy.
I hope i havent raved on to long and i sincerley hope you all have the strength that i got from somewhere to get you through the next few months. I did........ and i love and pray (never prayed before all this) every night for the wonderfull angel in heaven that gave me this strength to get through it - who looked out for me as a child and possibly even still now.its strange but i feel his presense and think ihave heard his voice in my dreams, muy mum has felt him beside her at night (this probaably all wishful thinking but helps).
Pick a bright star in the night sky and name it after your mum and tell your kids thats granma still there and they can still speak to her at any time as nights are the hardest.
Anyway sorry for rabbiting on again all i wanted to say was i am thinking of you all please at any time we are all here for you.
All my loving thoughts and strength and loads of virtual hugs

Tracy-Ann xxxx

Tracy-Ann,

Thank you so much for your response.

I have done a lot of crying and I am sure there is more to come. Her birthday is just around the corner and I know the holidays will be especially hard. She loved them all and made them so special for us even to this day.

I am so blessed to have had a wonderful Mother and still have a wonderful father. They have given me so much. My three sisters and I are helping each other and my Dad get threw this and that helps a lot!

I do pray every night and always have. I do talk to Mom occassionally and we had just planted some trees is our yard on My Mom's behalf. We will all watch them grow and keep my Mom's memory a live.

I appreciate your advise and will take it to heart and thank you for all the hugs!

Debbie W

Hey,

Im told b'days etc are the hardest he died the night b4 my daughters 16th and his birthday is a day b4 my sons. I had my birthday 27th sept and i havent opened the card from mum coz for the 1st time in 36 years it will only say mum. My mums birthday was last wednesday and we couldnt let her be on her own so my son stayed the night before i took the day of work and my daughter stayed that night.
It will be their 43rd wedding anniversary in june next year 3 days after dads birthday and it wont be easy either cozz then we have the anniversary of his death 3rd july but we will get there together and i now i have all the people on this wonderful sight if i need to let of steam.
So please take care and sweet dreams ( its 10pm in scotland and i have work in the morning))and remember we are thinking of yu.
More virtual hugs
Tracy-Ann

(p.s) my own email is tracy_ann101@yahoo.com

Hello! For all of you that have responded to my messages and have helped me in so many ways. I just wanted to let you all know that my Mom past away on Oct. 2nd. Her lungs were just not strong enough from the Emphiazema to with stand any more treatments.

It was heart breaking to say the least. It's been a little over a month and I miss her something terrible. It feels like half of my heart is missing!

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words. It has been of great comfort. I made a donation today in my Mom's honor and hope that I too will be able to help people that come to this website for someone to talk too.

Thanks again and hope that you are all doing well.

Debbie

Debbie,

I am so sorry to hear about your Mum. It is incredibly hard to loose your Mum, so please accept all the support that your husband, family and friends will be offering you. Even your children will sometimes come and give you a special cuddle because mum is feeling sad. Remember the love you and your Mum shared, this will always be with you, and your mum will never die while she is remembered with love by her family.
You will miss your Mum awfully, especially as you devoted so much of your time to her at the end. You will never regret the time you spent with her, and always treasure the opportunity you had to show how much you cared.
I lost my Mum 9 years ago now, and I still miss her when I have important decisions to make. But I visit her grave when I need to talk to her, and I can still hear her wise advice when I need it.
You will have a long journey of grieving to go through, don't expect yourself to recover from this too quickly. With the suffering that you all went through you have had some very emotional times, so be prepared to allow yourself time to heal, and don't be afraid to ask for help from friens, family or professionals.

Jenni,

Thank you so much for your reply. It's nice to know what I am feeling is normal. I'm very hard on myself and don't really allow myself to be too needy. I would rather be the one helping than asking for it myself. I have three sisters that I am very close too and we are all helping each other a lot. The Holiday's are going to be difficult but I know that we will get threw them.

Thanks again! I really appreciate your words of encourgement.